Can you successfully write while also being a parent? NaNo Participant Desiree S. Brown confidently says yes, you can do both. Desiree offers heartfelt words of inspiration to other author-parents out there.
My eyes were heavy with sleep as I plodded over to my son’s crib. I remember holding him in a state of awe, but I was also terrified. I hadn’t written in months—not from lack of trying—and had just emerged from a digital rabbit hole.
Desperate for pointers from seasoned author-parents, I asked Google, “How do authors write while raising kids?”
I expected encouragement, but found Lauren Sandler’s essay The Secret to Being Both a Successful Writer and Mother: Have Just One Kid and Cyril Connolly’s famous quote: “There’s no more somber enemy of good art than the pram in the hall.”
You can write and be a parent.
Many authors opted out of parenthood, believing each birth cost them a book. Doris Lessing, for example, had abandoned her children with their father in favor of her writing career.
It’s heartbreaking, but untrue. Zadie Smith, Toni Morrison, Jodi Picoult, Ursula K. Le Guin, Sarah Manguso and other authors managed to have successful careers while raising children. Manguso wrote in The Grand Shattering:
I used to believe that maximizing the number of hours reading, writing, and thinking about writing would make me the best writer I could be, and that my friend who had chosen to have three children just didn’t value being a writer as much as I did. Then I had a child and found that the amount of time I spend writing isn’t the only thing that makes me a better writer. I also grow by weathering trauma, practicing patience, being seasoned by love.
Parenting will help you grow as a writer.
Many author-parents noted an enrichment in their writing. In his essay, The Pram in the Hall, Shane Jones wrote, “I’ve discovered many writer-fathers who not only continued to produce work, but produced work that is richer and more interesting because of their fatherhood.”
New life moments create powerful experiences and what is storytelling, poetry, or essays but the exploration of those experiences? Parenting shaped me and my writing in a way that childlessness couldn't. I’ve learned to be more empathetic and honest with my time management (why didn’t I write during my son’s two hour nap?).
Jodi Picoult learned to be “hyper-aware of relationships between people,” Jane Smiley’s kids exposed her to new ideas by forcing her into the world, and Maggie O’Farrel learned “to concentrate with the intensity of a telekinetic.”
You’re not neglectful for prioritizing writing or parenting.
There’s a constant tug of war within writer-parents, not to mention the crushing weight of social expectations: writers need silence at all times and parents prioritize their kids.
But that's an unrealistic standard that will ruin any parent’s mental health, resulting in a loss of self, depression, and frustration. O’Farrel writes:
Don’t feel guilty about taking time to write. Guilt is no use to you here. Throw yourself headlong into whatever is in front of you, whether it’s writing or doling out small bowls of pasta or making potato prints. It’s good for your children to have a fulfilled parent, not a frustrated one. A child witnessing their parent working and being gratified by that work is an excellent lesson for them.
So, what’s the answer to the big question? How do authors write while raising kids?
They do it like anyone else: stealing time between diaper changes and naps; juggling housework, parent-work, and writer-work as best as they can; and realizing that they have the potential to create a fulfilling writing career like anyone else.
That’s the answer I will carry with me into Camp NaNo, the next project, and beyond.
Desiree S. Brown is an author that lives in the sunny state of California with her husband and son. She publishes her work on her website, desireesbrown.com, while also sharing her passion for reading and writing.
Photo by SHVETS production from Pexels
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In April I told myself I was going to participate in Camp NaNoWrimo and write 15,000 words. I had never done something like that before, and I had just given birth to my second baby in March, but I told myself I needed to do this for myself.
Fast forward to the end of April and I've missed multiple days of writing, I'm behind in my word count and it's looking like I'm not going to hit my goal of 15K.
But I told myself no, you're going to write those words, you're going to finish this chapter, even if that means sitting on the last day of April and writing over 4000 words with a newborn in your lap and a 3 year old running around.
So that's what I did. I sat there, and I wrote 4000+ words, and I finished that chapter and surpassed 15,000 words. I did it.
That was one of the hardest things I've done, but it gave me the greatest sense of achievement. I proved to myself that I can set goals for myself that seem impossible but with time and effort and a lot of hard work I CAN DO IT. I will look back on that April as the start of me following my dream, what I've always wanted to do: writing.
So it makes me extremely happy and excited and emotional to be able to say that yesterday, on the 6th day of November, I surpassed 15,000 words and accomplished in 6 days what took me a month to do in April.
It's that time again! April 1st is the start of Camp Nano for many writers including myself, and this month my goal is to write at least 15,000 more words for my story.
Last year I had a 3 year old and a 3 week old when camp started, and this year they're very active 1 and 4 year olds. I'm also struggling with constant endo pain and just trying to keep pushing through it to achieve my dreams.
As I go forward with my day, I'm reminding myself that any words are good words. Every new word I write is progress. My tracker is a guide to help me reach my goal, but its okay if I don't stay on track. The most important thing is that I'm prioritizing my writing, I'm trying my best, and I'm showing myself and my kids that no matter what your situation is you can rise above and strive for greatness.
So I haven't posted since day 6/7 of nano. That's the kinda week(s) its been. Parenting is hard. Writing is hard. I'm tired. I'm emotional. I'm just trying to do my best. I'm thankful for my writing community.
I hope your month is going well and that your balance is better than mine.
Excerpt:
She fell asleep with the memory of the wind racing over her, calling her, pulling her further and further over the edge of no return. And her dreams were full of smoke and fire, and the cracking and splintering screams of the great pines as they fell all around her, crushing her beneath their weight.
_____
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I did it. I wrote 50,000+ words in November, and I won NaNoWriMo. Writing is no small feat, it takes time and effort and honestly it can be really hard. But I told myself I was going to do it and I held myself to that goal.
Thank you to everyone who encouraged me along the way. To everyone who told me I could do it, but to always put my mental health first and take care of myself. Your words mean a lot and you are a huge part of how I stayed ahead of my tracker for as long as I did.
And a special thank you to Zeke for always making sure I got my writing time every day, I truly cannot explain how much your support and love means to me. You rock (and other things). 💞
To say I'm tired is an understatement. 50K is no joke, especially when you have to balance so many other responsibilities. But every day I had a goal, and that goal was to write, and now here we are. 50,216 more words for my story, putting Uprooted at a total of 119,258 words, and we aren't quite at the halfway mark yet.
I plan to keep writing throughout December to hopefully bump this 50K to 60K. I had hoped to get this story to the completion of draft 1 by my birthday, but I'll settle for half done and start the new year with a massive cliffhanger. 😉😂
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From the conception of your story, throughout the entire process of writing and rewriting, editing, and then finally holding that finished story in your hands for the first time with a look of pride upon your face.
There are moments where you feel exhausted and just straight up DONE, wanting nothing more than to throw in the towel. Who will want to read your story anyway?
There are moments of feeling completely and utterly in awe of what you’ve somehow created, wanting to shove your creation in the face of any willing (and unwilling) person and shout, “I MADE THIS!’
There are moments where you sit crying, discouraged and questioning everything you’ve done up to this point as you wipe away the word vomit that somehow spewed itself all over your screen.
There are moments that you capture and share with the world, milestones where you think, how did I get so lucky? Did I really create this brilliant piece of art? I must show this off to the whole world!
Writing is a labour of love. Sometimes it’s hard, really, really hard. Sometimes it’s easier, and even enjoyable. But at the end of the day, you get what you put into it. Regardless of whether that something is a load of crap that you try to hide from your friends lest their noses shrivel up and fall off from the stench…or a wonderful piece of art that you are incredibly happy about, and (gasp) even proud of!
Writing means trying your darnedest to do what you think is right for the story, but being willing to accept that sometimes things don’t go as planned. It means giving of yourself: your time, energy, effort, and often your sleep. It’s knowing that whatever happens, at the end of the day you tried your best and tomorrow is a new day.
So writers, nurture your babies. Do your best, and go forth into your day knowing it’s gonna be okay. You got this! I’m proud of you, and you’re an amazing writer.
The glamorous life of the stay-at-home-writer-mom. 😂Teething baby in the carrier, toddler circling me like a hungry shark...Trying to get my writing in for the day with my makeshift writing station which is literally just my laptop on top of a bucket on the table so I can write while rocking the little one...And just fyi, my coffee mug is sadly empty and poses no real threat to my laptop. It was purely there for aesthetic (like the cool kids do), and to emphasis the caffeine that is my existence.
Also, for those of you wondering, I'm at 14,055 words out of the 15,000 word count goal I set for myself for camp nano this month!
I am feeling the negative feels today. Trying to keep my chin up. Have some words I wrote.
Excerpt: (in which Zara is a grumpy, startled potato)
“Sure, just leave me all alone…” She mumbled to herself, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. When they didn’t come back right away she huffed and crossed her arms, deciding it wasn’t overly rude to wander around the small space since they had left her on her own anyway.
She took a step in the opposite direction of the kitchen, scanning the different dried herbs hanging from the wall in the darker corner of the room. Eventually her eyes landed on a large leather bound green book propped open on a table with a quill lying atop it. She stepped closer, peering at the swirling scrawl across the page. She just barely made out the words chicken and everbarrlythasis in the mess of black ink lettering when suddenly the front door flew open, causing her to jump...
