#papytonweek

“I’ve just been warming up, darlings!” he said to the camera. “There would be no dramatic tension if I aced this puzzle on the first try.”

Undyne snorted at his bluff. He wished he could edit that out of the video, but they were currently livestreaming. Sans gave him a thumbs-up from behind the camera.

“C’mon, you don’t wanna keep my bro waiting. He’s not a patient guy like I am.” He winked.

“SANS! I HEARD THAT!” Papyrus shouted over the roar of flames, gears, and water. “I WOULD WAIT FOR METTATON FOREVER, IF I HAD TO! BUT! I DO HOPE THAT I DO NOT HAVE TO!! BECAUSE I THINK THAT WOULD MEAN THAT MY PUZZLE WAS UNFAIRLY DIFFICULT, INSTEAD OF JUST FAIRLY DIFFICULT!! NYEH HEH!!”

Mettaton pursed his lips. The puzzle was unfairly difficult, for anyone who was not as acrobatic and physics-defying as his boyfriend. But still. He was Mettaton, past star of the Underground, and current star of Papyrus’s ambassadorial YouTube channel. He couldn’t possibly fail in front of a live television audience.

Before he could tell Frisk to start the timer, they ran up and placed something in his hand.

“What’s this, beautiful…?” His eye widened.

It was a key. A familiar, bent, and distinctly unglamourous key.

“For good luck,” Frisk signed, giving him a knowing smile.

“Huh? What’s that?” Undyne asked. Mettaton hoped that if she couldn’t see it, the camera couldn’t, either.

“Just a lucky charm from my number one fan, darling.” He winked back at her, then glared at Frisk. They just laughed silently.

Oh well. It wasn’t like his luck could get worse… probably.

He dropped the key into his chest compartment.

“Ready?” Frisk asked.

He nodded, shaking his arms to loosen up. This was it. He could feel it in his rivets.

“Three… two… one… go!” Undyne punctuated the countdown with an airhorn.

Mettaton dashed towards the bridge. According to Frisk, this was even more deadly than the original Gauntlet of Deadly Terror, which had been built on a stone ledge only painted to look like a bridge. This very real rope bridge swung over a waterfall, one of the many that flowed off of Mount Ebott. He was lucky that Papyrus’s blue magic could save him if he fell.

(Which he had. Ten out of his sixteen attempts.)

“He’s back on the bridge,” Undyne announced over her megaphone, which Mettaton was sure she didn’t need. “Metta-toaster approaches the Gauntlet’s first obstacle again. You know the drill: he’s gotta run through when there’s a gap in the flames. Pretty basic stuff. Maybe we’ll get lucky and he’ll get fried this time, though.”

Mettaton rolled his eye. The flamethrower hovering in midair choked for the briefest moment, and he dashed as fast as he could across the uneven boards. Child’s play.

“Woo! Go Mettaton!” Alphys cheered. It felt almost patronizing at this point.

The flamethrower was by far the easiest of the puzzles, though. Mettaton had to solve a Junior Jumble in under sixty seconds to open a gate, or a giant steel-toed boot would kick him off of the bridge. The Jumble was on an electronic pad and randomized each time, but by now, the words “PAPYRUS,” “COOL,” “SPAGHETTI,” “SKELETON,” “DEADLY,” “GAUNTLET,” and “DUDE” seemed to leap off of the screen. He circled them and dove out of the boot’s way a second before it would have kicked him into the air.

“YOU’RE DOING FANTASTIC, METTATON!” Papyrus called.

Swinging axes, swords, and maces now separated him from his love. This particular puzzle had put several dents in him already.

“I hope the mace gets him this time.” Undyne laughed.

Mettaton grit his teeth. She could weave through this maze easily, she’d said. The only reason Mettaton was doing this instead of her was because he would bring in more viewers. (And because she hated Junior Jumble.)

“YOU CAN DO IT! DODGING IS JUST LIKE DANCING, AND YOU’RE THE GREATEST DANCER IN THE WORLD!!” Papyrus reassured him.

That might have been an exaggeration, but Mettaton’s soul warmed anyway. Like dancing, hmm? He hadn’t thought of that before.

“JUST FOLLOW MY RHYTHM.” Papyrus swayed to an irregular beat, his cape fluttering in the wind.

No matter which way the blades swung, Mettaton could see him. Now all he had to do was follow.

This would be easier with music, he thought, only to hear a faint, familiar melody over the roar of the waterfall. A swinging, syncopated sequence of beats that made him want to stomp his feet.

“DO YOU LIKE IT? NAPSTABLOOK DONATED THE BACKGROUND MUSIC!” Papyrus beamed. “I HAD PREVIOUSLY TURNED IT OFF TO INCREASE THE DIFFICULTY, BUT IN HINDSIGHT, THAT WAS A MISSED OPPORTUNITY TO SHOWCASE THEIR WONDERFUL COMPOSITIONAL SKILLS!”

Mettaton bit his lip, but still couldn’t help smiling.

“Napstablook is quite the musician, aren’t they?”

“OF COURSE! BUT I THINK YOU CAN ENJOY THEIR MUSIC MUCH BETTER ONCE YOU ARE SAFELY IN MY ARMS, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF MY DEATH GAUNTLET.”

“There’s no place I would rather be, darling.”

Mettaton smirked. He’d danced to Napstablook’s tunes since before he’d even had legs. He could prance through this puzzle like a froggit through a field of flowers.

He took a deep breath, hand hovering over the key within his chest, and danced towards the blades.

“What the heck,” Undyne deadpanned over her megaphone. “Alphys, you take over. It’s boring now that he’s not getting pummeled.”

“M-me?” Her voice echoed strangely, but Mettaton tuned her out. He was in the Groove.

He wove between axes like he was made of water. Like he was music, like he was romance. Papyrus mirrored his motions—or maybe Mettaton mirrored Papyrus. They were one with the beat and the blades.

“LAST OBSTACLE!” Papyrus beamed, so much closer now than Mettaton had realized. This was the farthest Mettaton had gotten through the course yet. “DEPLOY THE DOG!”

A small white dog swung in on a rope. It rotated slowly, panting and wagging its tail.

“Hello?” Mettaton’s head tilted. He shouldn’t drop his guard, though. For all he knew, this dog could shoot lasers from its eyes, or something.

He approached it, hands raised protectively. It licked his finger.

“CONFOUND YOU, TRAITOROUS CANINE!” Papyrus stomped his foot.

“I think it’s sweet,” Mettaton cooed, giving the dog a scratch behind the ears.

“O-OF COURSE! THAT IS MY VERY DEADLY AND TERRIBLE PLAN! TO KEEP YOU CONFOUNDED WITH THE… CUTENESS OF THIS MEDDLESOME DOG. AND THEN YOU WILL NEVER COMPLETE THE PUZZLE! NYEH HEH HEH!!”

“I thought you wanted me to complete your puzzle.” Mettaton pretended to pout, staring up at Papyrus through his lashes.

“I DO! BUT NOT SO EASILY!!”

“I hardly think seventeen attempts could be considered ‘easily’...”

“Are you gonna finish the Gauntlet or not??” Undyne shouted through the megaphone, nearly knocking Mettaton off of the bridge with her sheer volume.

“I was just savoring the climax, beauties.”

He gave the dog one last pat, then strolled off the bridge into his love’s arms.

“I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!” Papyrus squeezed him tight, spinning Mettaton until he was wonderfully dizzy.