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Allistic Family : I hate that your brother always argue with us every time we ask him something!
Me : Is he arguing or is he asking why you need him to do the thing ?
Allistic Family : He always need to understand everything to do the thing, it's annoying !
Me : Then explain it to him ?
Allistic Family :
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Boo!
Favorite type of chocolate?
AAAAAH YOU SCARED ME !! *has a panic attack, falls comically, a single shoe flies in the air*
MILK CHOCOLATE !!! I'm a classic panda with classic tastes
I might have mid ice-cream tastes but at least I don't eat human brain as dessert 🙄😒
Colleagues : Do you have auditory issues ?
Me : ? No ? Why ?
Them : Cause you're always talking so loud and you don't realize it, so we were wondering. It's totally fine but we're curious !
Me, and ADHDer with auditory processing disorder who grew up in a large family : Oh !! Sorry, no, yeah, I don't have problems with my ears but I do have a issue with hearing, my brain doesn't process voices the same way other people do ! I hear just fine but I can't measure my own voice or other noises, everything feels the same to me, sorry... *Laughs a bit*
Them : So... You do have auditory issue ?
Me, defeated : .....Yeah, kind of yeah
Them : Alright that happens ! Don't worry about it, we'll tell you if it's too loud. Let's go !
It's always so embarrassing when people notice and tell me about my loud voice T_T but they were chill about it ! We have some disabled student so I'm not surprised they were chill about it, we moved on and don't bring it up again (it was last month)
Okay, done bed rotting. I cooked dinner, did my laundry, cleaned the bathroom and took my shower. Now it's time to eat. I'm doing good I think. It's not perfect but I'm getting better at this.
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Sometimes I remember that people have normal lives and not traumatic events every week. When they got troubles that prevent them to do their work it's basic things like My Kid Threw A Tantrum or My Car Broke. It's easy to explain and everyone understand, relate, and move on quickly. When they ask me about why I haven't answered the mail yet I'm like, yeah sorry my suicidal sibling with personality disorder went missing for a couples hours. How am I supposed to justify coming late at work if I don't wanna spill my private life. Saturday night I had to check down every window in the apartment because I thought he jumped, while having a panic attack the whole time. This is a normal evening for me.
It makes me realize that I don't hate small talk at all, I just feel very uncomfortable because I cannot answer their questions without giving sensitive personal information about me and my family.
I don't think people get how fucking exhausting being clumsy really is. They think it's either cute or a little bit annoying when their friend keeps dropping things they try to catch. But really, on a daily basis, it's a fucking hell. You wonder five times a day WHY AM O LIKE THIS as you stare with despair the puddle of water at your foot. Why can't I just be NORMAL ?! That's the question repeating in your head when you trip over a ducking crayola on the ground on your way to fix the first mistake. And of course you knock and break something as you do, because why not? The universe is hostile to your existence and decides to make you know.
At the end you lose HOURS of your week cleaning after yourself and you feel stupide and useless the whole time, because you feel like all of this could have been avoided if you were just more careful. And you can't manage to be more careful and you don't understand why. It seems so easy to everyone else but you cannot realize anything without messing something.
Oh, and by the time you finished cleaning everything and making sure the rest is at its place and you're back at what you were formerly doing, you notice that you lost something. Great.
I moved room (got a bigger one) so I've been rearranging my stuff the whole afternoon and I was wondering how I should hang my posters since this bedroom is very different from my previous one . . . And I think I nailed it !!!
I think this is the perfect place for them 💞
