#pan lucifer

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Featuring the strongest sinner in Hell who has a healthy coping mechanism and handles rejection like an adult!

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While the hotel (and most of Hell) are gearing up for pride month, Alastor learns that both Husk and Lucifer are Pansexuals.

Now; as a man who doesn’t even know he- himself is Ace….our poor deer completely misunderstands and takes the “pan” part literally.

This misconception is prompted/further encouraged by Angel. (who thinks the entire thing is f*ckin hilarious). In order to stir up extra shit, the pornstar tells Alastor aallllll about the kitchen items and ingredients he’s had to use in films before. Even with a permanent smile, it’s impossible for Alastor to mask his horror. Angel’s impromptu lesson in “pan-sex” leaves him shaken and filled with revulsion. Seriously- how unhygienic- he might be a cannibal, but he has standards! This entire time they’ve ALL been eating off those dishes!

Thoroughly convinced that Husk and Lucifer have a depraved fixation with kitchenware. Alastor, begins his crusade.

All the old pots and pans are thrown out and new ones purchased on Al’s dime. With Nifty’s help, the kitchen is scrubbed and bleached top to bottom and twice over. Finally- Alastor bans the king and his thrall from setting a single foot into his kitchen.

This… doesn’t not go over well. Especially where Lucifer is concerned. It’s not Alastor’s kitchen, it’s Charlie’s kitchen. A kitchen HE created and gifted to her (along with the rest of the building)

Of course Charlie tries to mediate (Al does do most of the cooking) but finds Alastor unwilling to share the reason behind his actions. Eventually, he confesses being concerned about cleanliness when preparing meals for everyone, but he refuses to elaborate any further. (His mama raised a gentleman after all. Discussing sexual depravity with a young lady would be uncouth… Especially in regards to her own father.)

Husk heeds the ban without hesitation. He’s still getting fed and it gets him out of dish-duty so he doesn’t really care. (And with the collar around his neck? It’s not like he has much of a choice.)

But Lucifer? Oh. He goes by the kitchen every chance he gets. That prissy deer want to act like Lucifer is unsanitary? Well- welcome to Hell b*tch. He uses pans and doesn’t wash them. He purposefully leaves crumbs on the counter. He opens cabinet doors and doesn’t close them. Lucifer even goes as far as to vandalize Alastor’s meticulously organized spice rack. Removing labels and mixing spices together.

In response- any dishes or ingredients Lucifer used unsupervised are thrown out. And soon after, voodoo based wards are put up. Meticulously crafted to inflict pain on those who go further than chaste hand-holding within the kitchen’s bounds. Yet- despite his many visits to the kitchen - Lucifer never triggers the wards. Something that is absolutely baffling to Alastor… was the king really just cooking? Or was he just biding his time now that he was being watched?

It’s hard for the Overlord to say because it wasn’t long before someone someone else discovered his spell on the kitchen.

A innocent good morning peck on Charlie’s cheek and suddenly the former exorcist’s hair is on fire.

Aaananndd… Now Charlie is calling an emergency meeting. The kitchen situation has gone too far. The wards need to come down, and staff members need to clean up after themselves. Turns out, Lucifer leaving dirty dishes and crumbs has been attracting roaches to the hotel. Which means Nifty is manic and extra stabby.

With everyone in agreement. It leaves Alastor with only one card left to play. If he can’t guarantee himself sex-free kitchenware. Then he is no longer willing to cook for anyone in the hotel. They can survive off of pancakes and takeout.

This threat is effective. Warm home-cooked meals have been one of the odd perks of living with the radio demon. Nobody wants to go back to cold-cut sandwiches and melted popsicles.

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That’s all I got. Honestly, I’d like to see the misunderstanding resolved. Alastor learning more about his own sexuality…and maybe some soft radioapple.

But my brain is tired and I have no idea how to get there. Again, feel free to play with this idea or make suggestions.

PRIDE RADIOAPPLE🏳️‍🌈📻🍎

I know this is extremely late, and I was hoping I could finish my bigger project in time, but... The stars just didn't aline for that. Might be able to post some Rodicent tomorrow for the last day of June, but otherwise this is all I have sadly....

considering it now

lucifer being pan solely because he was an angel and ergo above gender preferences

on top of that, for the same reasons, also being pangender or agender, not male

all of the angels are perhaps either pan, aspec, or both. pangender or agender. no gender identities nor orientations leaning toward male or female in particular.