#palliance4ever

“As long as one of us still breathes, the Sorcerer [Jean Boy] will die.” -Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, the Scorpion King

Peels, the film Chinatown ends with the famous line, “Forget it Jake*, it’s Chinatown.” Well, I appreciate the advice but I’m afraid I can’t just forget about such a remarkably stylish movie. I’ll therefore pretend Mr. Walsh said, “Blog about it Jake, it’s Styletown.” That’s some good advice.

This right here is Jake Gittes, portrayed by Jack Nicholson (more like Picholson with that nose, you feel?). Now, he isn’t quite as stylish as his namesake but then again is anybody? I personally preferred Nicholson’s more adventurous style in 1989 style caper Batman but he still looks good. Now, peels may be shocked: Is there a division in the Palliance between famously anti-suit Marm and pro-suit Jake? The answer is a resounding no. Stylish Jake is firmly against suits, but an exception can be made. The nice beige jacket, the irresistible noose tie, and the hat (pro-tip, if you have to wear a suit add a nice retro hat) add up to form an outfit that overcomes the adversity of being a suit and having a pocket square. Jake is one stylish pal.

Unfortunately, the world Jake exists in is not nearly as stylish as that dreamboat. In 1930s Los Angeles, erroneously called the City of Style Angels, a secretive gang of unstylish dogs are exploiting a drought and stealing the city’s water supply as part of their plot to buy up lots of land cheap. This is a clear allegory for Stylish War III: The shortage of water symbolizes the shortage of style. The Palliance, represented by Jake, fights to give the masses style, but the Unstylish Axis tries to steal it (they clearly don’t succeed considering their leader wears jorts) so they can take over style society.

Chinatown accurately portays the depths of deceit and wanking to which the Unstylish Axis will go to destroy style forever. Its tragic ending is a sharp reminder to us all of the harsh reality we’ll face if the Palliance ever falters. That’s why I realized that the place of every stylish pal with a spine is in the Palliance.

Stay fresh peels. Stylish Jake out.

Peels, it’s finally here. Palliance High Priest Maritime has finished interpreting Irok’s sign. Last Friday, there was a reenactment of Stylish War III on Super Smashing Pals. Stylish Marm (M/) stood against the Unstylish Axis of Jean Boy (Kush Pek), Mudder (DublMud) and Swagaif (QtsieSwagF). Kapun, TBD, and Romeo Crunchie were not included as they have yet to make any meaningful contribution to Stylish War III.

M/ stood alone against the entire Unstylish Axis. No matter. He’s clearly the most stylish mii. The battle was taken to the hot stage Irok’s Temple (Called Palutena’s Temple due to a typo but clearly a stage based on Stratton Mountain). At this stage where Irok is strongest, the peels prepared to see Irok’s divine will as to Stylish War III.

Let’s take a look at what his will is:

“Marm, is that M/ triumphantly raising his stylish sword soaked in the blood of his style enemies?” Yes, yes it is.

“Marm, is that M/ in first place while all the unstylish chumps are in second place?” Yes, yes it is.

“Marm, isn’t it true that, as Mr Gains said in Greek week a number of times, second place is just the first loser?” Yes, yes it is. 

“Marm, you only received 7% damage in this whole battle. Does High Priest Maritime believe this is a sign from Irok that Ban must take up the mantle of Stylish Ben and join forces with Marm in a reborn Palliance?” Yes, yes he does.

Peels, Irok has spoken. The Palliance has prayed to Irok at the holiest of holy sites, and Irok has sent a sign which clearly shows that with or without Pallies, Stylish Marm will win Stylish War III. And also Ban will join the Palliance.