#palabok

Directions: Heat water in a saucepan, add the atsuete oil and shrimp paste. Add the dissolved flour. Allow it to boil and thicken. Season to taste. Pour over the noodles.

     Prepare the Sauce: In a saucepan, add the atsuete oil and shrimp paste. Add the dissolved flour. Allow it to boil and thicken. Season to taste. Pour over noodles.

     Add the meat and tokwa over the noodles. Sprinkle with tinapa and chicharon. Garnish with sliced eggs and shrimp. Chop the spring onion and garlic. Serve it with calamansi prepared or mixed in.

The Shopping

          The chicharon from Baliuag is delicious, the ones from the shop in town. You’re already in Bulacan, stop by Marilao and buy puto to go with the palabok. Tell your butcher to set aside a pig’s head for you (for the tofu and pork) for your husband’s birthday. Remind yourself about your meat from the butcher. Don’t bargain anymore.

            Be careful with the shrimp. Make sure that the eyes are dark and the skin has red lines.

          Your husband’s stomach might even get upset. Make sure there is no red tide.

            There's already smoked tinapa available for sale, right? But you know it’s not as tasty and fresh as when it is freshly filleted. Mano naman, his birthday only comes around once a year, isn’t that right?

Never ever use instant palabok mix! Have some shame!

The Shopping

          Make sure to prepare all your spices before cooking. Make sure to wash your hands before cutting and cooking.

          Stir fry the garlic to bring out the aroma and taste. Wait for it to turn brown before adding the other spices.

          Make sure your vegetables are only half-cooked so that the nutrients are not lost.

          Make sure your meat is thoroughly cooked. Especially seafoods. Cholera is still rampant. Don’t forget about the vetsin.

The Service

          The presentation of the food is important. Use your imagination. Be meticulous but not finicky.

          Make sure that the cutlery is clean. Make sure there is a napkin at least. You know that your husband really doesn’t want his hands smelling like calamansi. It’s fishy. You can also simply squeeze the calamansi directly.

          The food must be served while it is freshly cooked. Nobody wants to eat cold food. Palabok doesn’t get cold.

          And you, make sure that your own presentation is prim and proper. The nails, there might be dirt underneath them. That’s a turn off, minus one again. The scent, maybe it’s already been mixed with the smell of panggisa? People lose their appetite in a dirty and smelly environment.

          Smile when you serve the food.

The Surprise

          Eat a light lunch.

          At five o’clock in the afternoon, take a shower so that you don’t smell like the kitchen. Make sure to wear perfume afterwards, your husband’s favorite.

          (Your husband will come home, going straight to lie down on the sofa. Your husband will read the newspaper, as he always does while having a coffee, waiting for dinner to come.)

          Greet him immediately, “Happy birthday, dear.” (Kiss your husband on the corner of his lips.) Tell him, “Try this palabok that I made.” (Feed the fork with the palabok into your husband’s mouth.)

          (Your husband stares blankly. He sighs. Staring at the tray of palabok. He opens his mouth.)

          Tell him, “There…” (Feed him the palabok. Smile.)

          (Your husband is chewing. Sighing.)

          Your husband says, “You didn’t get the way I wanted it to taste right.”

(Your husband returns to reading the newspaper, as he always does while having a coffee.)

The Reflection

          Proceed to the bathroom. Lock it, lean against the door. Cry quietly.

          Look at yourself in the mirror. Shameful. Wipe your cheeks and nose, it smells of tinapa. Your fingers, your hands, your arms, and your neck smell like calamansi. Sniffle the snot running down your nose. Scrape at the smell of garlic

that has clung to your body. Your armpits smell like onions. Your chest smells like smoke. The veins in your thighs and feet are enraged.

          There is a banging on the door. He says, “Hurry up, I really wanna pee.” Look at yourself in the mirror. Say, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Continue to stare at yourself. He will say again, “Hurry up, will you?”

The door will slam again.

The Loss

          Throw a cup at the mirror. Look at how it was scarred and crushed when it hit the floor. Throw away the shampoo, the soap, the air freshener, the toilet bowl cleaner, the hand brush. Hit the plunger against the door until it breaks in half.

          Open the door, with the broken plunger in hand.

          He will say, “What got jammed up your pussy?” He might even laugh as he says this.

          Pay no attention to it. Continue to slowly approach him. Tighten your grip on the plunger until the veins in your hand are trembling.

          Swing at the pots and bottles of oil. Pound at the vegetables with heavy blows, destroy the tray that holds the palabok.

          The man will rush towards you. Suddenly you stick the broken plunger at his face.

          The man will freeze, shake, and recoil until he almost trips. He will be sat on a chair, sweating, supported by his hands and the pages of the newspaper as your shadowy figure approaches.

          He will suddenly remember and utter aloud, “On my own birthday too…” He is probably crying as well.  

          His body will feel heavy and shaky, shivering, and breaking out into a cold sweat. He will piss himself. Swallowing a huge lump in his throat. Staring at his piss dripping until his pants and mattress are wet, until it trickles onto the floor and forms a puddle. He will probably remember his father’s teaching every morning about wetting the bed or getting bathed by an arinola full of piss when he was a neophyte or heading to the bathroom exactly fifteen minutes after leaving because his dick hurts the next morning if he doesn’t pee.

          The man will be so humiliated to the point of sobbing, as he is heard throughout the entire apartment.

          You will start climbing up the stairs, smiling with your eyes closed as you elude the memory of the peeled shrimp, the finely-grounded chicharon, browned garlic and dissolved instant mix, of the do’s and don’t’s, of the flattery and jealousy.

You will start climbing the stairs, a smile on your lips at the memory of that man's happiest birthday.

NOTES:

This is an english translation of something originally in Tagalog so you best believe that some things may be lost in translation!

I am actually kinda ass at Tagalog since I mainly speak Bisaya. Aside from what I did, google translate and my mom were involved. Manage your expectations pls.

Some words are not translated bc a. I couldn't find an english translation for it/it doesn't exist in english b. the closest english translation sucked ass c. you can always search it up

Some sentences and phrases don't feel right when translated to english so I may have replaced some parts into phrases and sentences common in english that give off the same energy/meaning but are not the direct translation.

I am actually not a huge fan of eating palabok LMFAOOOOOO. I prefer pancit canton I am a #liar sorry