Frey was informed that she avidly wrote letters to everyone that she knew. Currently, she didn’t know where those were, but if she were to get them, what would she find out?

Perhaps, funny stories from childhood when she wrote to Clorica? Or how much Vishnal has accomplished in the few months they knew each other? What about Forte’s adventures as a soldier? The nature of her and Arthur’s relationship?

What would she remember?

What if, when she reread a letter that was sent to her... What if she didn’t remember anything at all?

Sonja stared at herself in the mirror. What was with the look in her eyes? She couldn’t let others see her like this. But she was tired. Oh, she was so tired. Thoughts kept swirling in her head. The events of the voyage were repeating. She found herself staring at the mirror more often then not.

Mirrors.

“They say mirrors are windows to other worlds.” 

Putting her hand on the mirror, she stared at herself. The mirror that trapped her inside didn’t have her reflection in it. This one did. She dragged her hand down, but there were no ripples that could let her enter. Of course not, this wasn’t some magic mirror. Thinking that would be silly.

“Everyone here can go on with a Sonja that they actually like.”

Was that true? Of course, the Sonja she saw with Tori was fake. The Kai that she was with was also fake, twisting his words so well that she believed them. But what if Tori was happier with that Sonja? She was such a drag. What stopped that from being wrong?

“And you can be in a place where you’re actually wanted.”

The place where she was actually wanted was a void. A black void that she couldn’t escape from. One that would let her waste away in space. Rotting, disappear entirely. Would that have been better? To fade away into nothing? Obviously when she came back, she wasn’t even wanted. Her own housemate, her own best friend had yelled at her. He yelled, he almost raised his hand at her. He wasn’t going to leave, but obviously she messed up badly.

He didn’t want her here, and to think that she’s in love with him. She’s in love with someone that hated her.

If he was her best friend, and he didn’t want her here (or at the very least, found her annoying...) ... Then what about everyone else? Did Lisette hate being around her too? She certainly did act strange during her housewarming party. How about Phillip? What if he was lying about wanting to be friends, and he actually hated her for what she did? Cause she was stupid, or how annoyingly self-depreciating she was? 

What about Kai? Did he hate her? Was she doing a poor job at work? Or Tori, because she couldn’t do anything for her? Maerwen might have been lying about being glad to have gone to the voyage with her.

Sonja stared at herself in the mirror. If she had just disappeared then, nothing would change. In fact, Zavier might have been happier without her. Lisette and Phillip wouldn’t have the added stress of her weighing down their backs. Kai would have a better worker, Tori and Maerwen wouldn’t have to have met her. Life would’ve been better.

She was a drag.

She burdened everyone here.

Touching the mirror again, she sighed. She didn’t deserve to be here. Why was she still here? There was no point. Everyone else would already be leaps and bounds ahead of her. On the voyage she was useless. She had nothing to offer and she had gotten stuck in the mirror.

But she noted how this warmth was so different than being held by someone. Lying awake, she let her mind drift to the masquerade. Her first dance with Phil was very eventful. Most of it was her 16 year-old self was just so infatuated with him when she just barely met him. It was very embarrassing, and she even had her first kiss stolen by this guy. The hug that he gave her was warm and very soft. But after she had turned back, she didn’t feel the same anymore. Sonja recognized that it was just her mind playing tricks on her, trying to get her to fall for anyone that showed her any form of affection. It was just her 16 year old self. They were only friends now.

So why did Noire insist her fondness for Zavier was different?

She was also just her 16 year old self when she danced with him. Granted, he was much different now, as back then he seemed to be more cheerful. More like a dork, happier like during the Fireworks Festival. And they didn’t do anything... drastic, other than be themselves. She had a good time with him. It was nice. When she felt insecure (which, she didn’t remember being this bad when she was younger) he had hugged her. He hugged her and it felt so warm. Different than Phil’s hug. No, she felt safe in his arms. Comfortable. Like as if it was--

There were those words again. She used the same words when describing him to Noire. And Noire said that her feelings were so valid. That she should talk to him. That she should just tell him, cause the heart wants what it wants. But she was 16, so how could she trust that feeling?

Except now she wasn’t 16 and still thinking about it. Still thinking about how it was nice to be there, dancing with him. How his arms felt right to be in. How at the Fireworks Festival he called her pretty. How he had trusted her and didn’t run away, even if he didn’t know her very well. How he had given a flower to her on her birthday, and she wasn’t even expecting getting flowers then. All of these thoughts were buzzing in her mind.