#d. mirrors

Sonja stared at herself in the mirror. What was with the look in her eyes? She couldn’t let others see her like this. But she was tired. Oh, she was so tired. Thoughts kept swirling in her head. The events of the voyage were repeating. She found herself staring at the mirror more often then not.

Mirrors.

“They say mirrors are windows to other worlds.” 

Putting her hand on the mirror, she stared at herself. The mirror that trapped her inside didn’t have her reflection in it. This one did. She dragged her hand down, but there were no ripples that could let her enter. Of course not, this wasn’t some magic mirror. Thinking that would be silly.

“Everyone here can go on with a Sonja that they actually like.”

Was that true? Of course, the Sonja she saw with Tori was fake. The Kai that she was with was also fake, twisting his words so well that she believed them. But what if Tori was happier with that Sonja? She was such a drag. What stopped that from being wrong?

“And you can be in a place where you’re actually wanted.”

The place where she was actually wanted was a void. A black void that she couldn’t escape from. One that would let her waste away in space. Rotting, disappear entirely. Would that have been better? To fade away into nothing? Obviously when she came back, she wasn’t even wanted. Her own housemate, her own best friend had yelled at her. He yelled, he almost raised his hand at her. He wasn’t going to leave, but obviously she messed up badly.

He didn’t want her here, and to think that she’s in love with him. She’s in love with someone that hated her.

If he was her best friend, and he didn’t want her here (or at the very least, found her annoying...) ... Then what about everyone else? Did Lisette hate being around her too? She certainly did act strange during her housewarming party. How about Phillip? What if he was lying about wanting to be friends, and he actually hated her for what she did? Cause she was stupid, or how annoyingly self-depreciating she was? 

What about Kai? Did he hate her? Was she doing a poor job at work? Or Tori, because she couldn’t do anything for her? Maerwen might have been lying about being glad to have gone to the voyage with her.

Sonja stared at herself in the mirror. If she had just disappeared then, nothing would change. In fact, Zavier might have been happier without her. Lisette and Phillip wouldn’t have the added stress of her weighing down their backs. Kai would have a better worker, Tori and Maerwen wouldn’t have to have met her. Life would’ve been better.

She was a drag.

She burdened everyone here.

Touching the mirror again, she sighed. She didn’t deserve to be here. Why was she still here? There was no point. Everyone else would already be leaps and bounds ahead of her. On the voyage she was useless. She had nothing to offer and she had gotten stuck in the mirror.