#oz rambles

It’s no secret Sparrow is super stressed out and has immense pressure placed on him to be the “good one”. Sparrow chooses to be a love wolf like Henry encouraged as a kid, but ever since the split with the Rogue Card, Sparrow kept the entire family up on their shoulders. He tries to be the bridge between Henry and Lark, tries to be the loving child Henry and Mercedes want because they wouldn’t get it from Lark. And of course trying to choose between your father and your twin, your OTHER HALF, is an impossible decision for this codependent Oak. So he puts all this pressure on himself to be a peacemaker and to keep Lark placated enough that the family doesn’t split apart. I’m sure as a kid Lark heard “Why can’t you be more like Sparrow?” more times than he can count, but SPARROW also heard this, and would carry the immense pressure of being ‘the good one’ even though he was never a ‘good or calm’ kid. He was just as rowdy as Lark was until the Rogue Card and Willy’s message influenced Lark. The fact that Sparrow was SO convincing in his act as Lark when they faced off with Henry in the Church of the Doodler proves that Sparrow knows exactly how Lark feels - or pretty dang close. He explodes at Henry; yes, to make it convincing, but maybe also to try to HELP Lark. If Henry can see what that struggle does to Lark - does to Sparrow, who so deeply feels for his brother - then maybe Henry would understand Lark a bit more without it turning into a direct confrontation with Lark himself. 

Sparrow undoubtedly has so many repressed emotions and perfectionism issues, and may even have a bit of resentment for the freedom Lark’s rebellion granted him. He is expected to LOVE everyone and everything as a ‘love wolf’, despite loving too much also being as harmful as hating. If you love everyone, even those who harm you, you harm yourself. After Code Purple, making the call to switch worlds to save Normal and Henry turning his back on Sparrow, Sparrow no doubt turned away from whatever remained of his Love Wolf habits. 

But Sparrow is someone who’s always shared with Lark. Feelings, names, clothes, etc. He even shares his wife with Lark. He takes on Lark’s troubles as his own and it’s implied (if not directly) stated that Lark lives WITH Sparrow and Rebecca. If it was a betrayal for Lark to sleep with Rebecca, Sparrow could never be mad at Lark. After all, love everyone equally…even if they hurt you. Lark clearly has many troubles, and maybe Sparrow could forgive this one, especially if it was consensual and it helped Lark feel a bit better. Sparrow loves everyone equally, so much so that he doesn’t specialize his love. He loves his wife, he loves his brother, he loves his kids. It’s unconditional, yes, but not specialized. He loves Normal, but he doesn’t ‘like’ Normal - he thinks his son is odd, doesn’t accept his quirks, etc. He loves Hero, but raised her to be a savior - taking her childhood from her in favor of saving the world. Because everyone else is EQUALLY worth Sparrow’s attention and love. Sparrow is so eager to share any love with Lark because Lark doesn’t receive much of it, so he’ll let Rebecca be the comfort Lark needs. Whether it’s in the open or sneaking around (or so Lark thinks). 

I would argue that Code Purple was the ONE selfish act of love Sparrow has ever committed, and they were punished for it by their own father. Held to an impossible standard of moral superiority Henry demands, when he doesn’t make the cut, he’s severely punished, while Lark doomed the world by stabbing Henry and was repeatedly forgiven. Considering Sparrow was the ‘good one’, the ‘love wolf’ that Henry wanted, and was the twin that showed him any ounce of affection - Henry pushing away Sparrow for choosing to save his child over the world is SUCH A SLAP IN THE FACE. Henry refused to hug Sparrow upon his entrance to Henry’s small sanctuary in Faerun, and that is such a telling aspect of Henry’s love being conditional. His moral compass dictates his love for his own children, and yet he holds them to entirely different standards. But if Sparrow was ‘perfect’ until then, it would only make sense Henry was so disappointed Sparrow couldn’t maintain it. I wonder if Lark had activated Code Purple how Henry would have reacted? Henry himself said “It’s okay to be angry, it’s not okay to be cruel” and yet he turns on his own son. But it serves as an interesting contrast to the Pyramid when Henry chose to save Sparrow’s innocence, almost losing Lark in the process - and choosing to not give the twins the gloves that could have saved Walter’s legs - further isolating Lark from him. Henry consistently chooses things that sound good to HIM, that make him moral, that almost give him a superiority complex. Sparrow, on the other hand, gave up the world for his child. He put Normal above his own morals - the morals Henry instilled in them. Maybe Normal has to live with the survivor’s guilt, but Sparrow acted in a way he knew his father never would.

We find out in the finale of Season 2 that Sparrow actually hasn’t wild-shaped into a love wolf in 20 years, which is PRE-HERO. They haven’t been a proper love wolf since high school, since before Lark and Rebecca slept together, which makes me wonder if Lark’s obsession with killing the Doodler made Sparrow start to repress that side of himself. Because if Sparrow is supposed to help Lark kill this thing they have to set aside their ideals about saving and loving every living thing. But with Willy gone, and Dood finally free - saved through LOVE, Sparrow finds an important part of themself again. Perhaps saving Dood with love was something Sparrow could have achieved all along if he had followed his instincts instead of following Lark’s lead. Love was something that Normal was able to hold onto despite everything, while Sparrow shoved it aside. After Dood is saved, after seeing his own son inhabit the ‘love wolf’ ideal he couldn’t maintain, Sparrow FINALLY gets to transform back into a love wolf himself. But despite this connection, Normal still feels isolated from his father, doing everything he can to win his specialized love. But Normal, my dear, Sparrow can never give special attention when their whole thing is ‘love everyone equally’. This tragedy keeps the cycle going within the Oak family, a constant drive to earn the affection of a parent, turning to rebellion, then swearing you’ll be better with your kid. 

Overall, purification. I like pretty words with ugly meanings. My favorite word i get to use frequently though is spatter. Just an utterly satisfying word to say.