☀️

Sa bawat hakbang nang mga paa may bigat na nararamdaman na para bang nagdududa sa aking kakayanan, kung ano ba ang kahahantungan, mga pangarap na tila para bang nasira dahil sa isang pangyayaring di inaasahan.

Paano ipagpapatuloy ang nasimulan kung ito ay di inaasahang matuldukan? Paano matutupad ang mga pangarap kung lumalabo na ang hinaharap? Totoo ngang lahat nang pangyayari ay may rason at para sa iyong ikabubuti, pero hindi naman masama kung magiging totoo ka sa sarile mo na hindi ka masaya at sobrang hirap tanggapin ngunit kailangan. 

Mga taong mahalaga sa buhay mo na umasa sa mararating mo, pati ang iyong sarile ay nilamon nang kalungkutan, sino ba ang may gusto na masira ang mga planong iyong pinaghirapan? Wala naman ‘di ba? 

BEEF “Revenge is best served raw.”

Sometimes being angry is a good thing, when the time comes you’ll just burst and say all the things needed to be said to the people that made you feel resentful, but always remember that everything will end, your problems will be solved, you’ll get rid of your wrath towards anything or someone. “Anger is just a transitory state of consciousness.”

The reason I tried to finish this is because of the hype, yes, I saw some clips on tiktok and yes, if you hate getting spoiled about movies, series and such things then tiktok is not the application for you. But little did I know I was already at the last episode of the first season, it was really worth the hype.

Going back to the main topic of my blog, the “Beef” will not just give you laughters, it’s a satire apprehension about asian culture in regards to family, relationship, and work. It will also help you realize that only you can help yourself achieve what you want for your life, the success you’ve been striving for, the amount of recognition from your loved ones, the acceptance this society could offer, but at the end of the day there’s still a small vacuum in your life that nothing in this world could fill. What also struck me is the thought that even your husband, your parents, your closest friends, they don’t have an idea on what’s really going on with your life and what’s inside your mind because the only people that can really acknowledge your state of being are also the ones undergoing it.

Danny (Steven Yeun) and Amy (Ali Wong) both shared their narratives, Amy as a little girl that dreamed to have it all, a great household unlike the one she had, and also loads of money that can provide for them whilst Danny wanted to become a triumphant business-owner as a contractor. The biggest plot twist in their lives started when they met at the road and Danny almost hit Amy’s white SUV when backing up while her response was the reason the beef between them started. After several encounters from each others, who could’ve thought that they soon comprehend a mutual understanding and connection when it comes to their mental and intellectual conception. With Amy being in the middle of social hierarchy and Danny struggling to move his parents by being a handyman, they still came across with each other and it somewhat fill the hole inside their hearts.

Umpisahan natin sa isa sa mga katotohanang Kanyang naipamalas. Isang araw, dahil sa labis na pagmamahal, nilikha ka Niya, nilikha Niya tayo, ngunit bakit pilit binabago? Binabago ang mga naitakdang mangyare, pilit binabago ang ating mga sarile.

Kapatid, napagtanto mo na ba nabubuhay ka sa isang kasinungalingan? Sa kasinungalingang hatid sayo ng mundo, sa mga lait na hatid sayo nito, naiisip mo ba ang lahat nang ito? Ulit-ulitin man nating humingi ng kapatawaran, mananaig padin sa ating mga sarile na isa tayo sa Kanyang pinakamatinding pagkakamali, pinatunayan natin ito sa ating mga kasalanan, sa mga kasalanang nakakapaghatid sa Kanya nang kalungkutan. 

May mga pagkakataong nadadapa pa din tayo, kaya hindi maiwasang maitanong sa sarile kung para saakin ba talaga ito? Lahat nang mga pagpapalang natatamo ko, karapat dapat pa ba ako sa mga ito? Nagpapakalunod tayo sa pagod para mapunan natin ang kasiyahan ng iba, pero yung kasiyahan na nararapat para sa Kanya, kailan natin ipapadama?, hanggang kailan Siya maghihintay para marinig sa ating mga labi, para makita Niya sa ating mga puso na Siya lamang ang ating minimithi, ang presensya Niya lamang ang ating inaasam. Kailan, kapatid?

Naisip mo ba sa bawat pagpatak nang luha mo, sa bawat sandali nang iyong paghikbi, meron kang Panginoon na nahihirapan sa iyong sitwasyon, ang mga desisyon na iyong pinagsisihan, 

I expended carelessly almost half of my teenage life for things I thought could make me happy, things that I thought could fill the emptiness inside of me. Yes, you're all right, I thought wrong. I ended up searching happiness from the wrong people, and all of them just showed me lies, fabricated love, joy and fantasies.

I wasted those times finding satisfaction, yet I can only find it in Him. All this time, I’ve been searching and searching for it, and I didn’t foresee that I had all these wonderful opportunities all along, beside me, and you were just there waiting for me to accept you wholeheartedly. And you’re still ready to accept me, disregarding all of my sins, all of my regrettable mistakes, yet here you are, still pursuing to have me, to love me even though I always ignore you. There are many reasons why I don’t deserve your affection, but you keep insisting to show your unending love towards me even though you don’t have the assurance of me loving you back, and that what’s make you different from all the people I have met. 

Nagtataka siguro kayo kung bakit magulo ang pagkakaayos ng mga letra sa aking naitalang titulo. Ayoko kasing pati ang mga letrang ito ay magaya sa ginawa niya saakin, para silang walang silbi, parang ako. Yung ni minsan hindi man lang naiparamdam saakin na malaki din ang papel ko sa kanyang buhay, hindi yung nandyan lang ako para pasayahin siya kapag nagkaroon ng komplikasyon sa relasyon niya. 

Sawang-sawa na ako sa mga kinikwento mo tungkol sainyong dalawa, kagaya ng kung paano niya naipaparamdam sa’yo na isa ka sa mga maswerteng lalake para pagpalain ka ng kasintahang kagaya niya. Inis na inis na ako sa tuwing pinapakita mo saakin yung mga litrato niyong dalawa, pinapipili mo pa nga ako kung ano ang dapat mong gawing “profile picture” ang sarap mo na lang minsang bigwasan e, alam mo yun? Siyempre hindi.

Siyempre, alangan namang malaman mo? Kailan mo ba napansing may pagtingin ako sayo? Kahit kaunti, wala. Isa lang naman akong hamak na kaibigan sa paningin mo, wala nang hihigit pa sa lebel na yon, kaibigang handang magpakatanga at magbigay ng solusyon o payo sa problema mo tungkol sainyong dalawa na sa isip-isipan ko ay sana ay hindi na ito malutas upang mapasaakin ka na tuluyan. 

Kung iisipin mo, napakadespirada ko na diba? Pero ganoon daw talaga kapag nagmahal, lalo na kapag hindi binalik yung pagmamahal na aking inalay. Sapat na din saakin yung maging ganito, kagaya nga ng mga letra na nakapwesto sa gitna. Walang saysay ang isang salita kung kulang ito ng isang letra. Balang araw malalaman mo din ang tunay na halaga ko, mamumulat ka din sa katotohanan na malaki pala ang papel ko sa buhay mo. Ngunit, huli na ang lahat. 

pAaLaM!

The day will come when i will blossom for my own joy, just like a flower.

The day will come when I’ll — be able to think less of you than I usually do, about how you behave, how you giggle uncontrollably, the way you flip your hair, the fact that you didn’t fail to make me realize that I’m the luckiest girl, but I was wrong about that idea.

When that day comes — I’ll forget how I used to adore the unsophisticated things about you, and I will able to stand firm and not cry when I’m thinking about you while you’re with you friends hanging out like I was just the only one left broken, which is awfully true.

If that day comes — i’ll never have the chance to love you again, so do you. I will make you realize how much you mean to me but for your scenario it will be too late for you to get me back. I’m going to make you feel sorry for letting me go.

But if that day comes — I will forever be grateful, thankful for the love you have given me even if it’s just within a numbered days. I am still obliged.

I’m currently at the edge of letting you go—because of all your never-going-to-happen-promises, that’s why my feelings are slowly fading away. Patently, you’re trying to vitiate my feelings for you—the plausibility about you and me, the moments that we should be spending.

I’ve been lingering for a while now, about the things I expected you to be doing for me. It’s awfully true that happy endings only exist in fairytales, i thought you were different. I ought to know more about you—but you seem to have no more interest about finding out who I really am.

Rest assured, the day will come—when i will ceased to remember you and i can finally look in your eyes without letting a tear drop—i’ll be able to send you back a smile that you will surely believe that it isn’t as fake as the ones i used to give.

But I believe that some people that comes in your life will stay, and some will go, but you—you’ve failed to conquer all of the trials that we should’ve faced together, equally. I’m still grateful, because you left me with an impossible to forget memories that will last for a lifetime.

From a man who is drowning yet learning to stand once again.

Nung una kitang nakita, Kay bilis tumibok ng aking puso, Damdamin ko'y naging kakaiba, At napagisip isip na ikaw ang bubuo,

Sa pusong minsa'y nawasak, Ikaw ang tanging lunas, Mata ay unti unting bumulwak, nangibabaw ang dahas.

Dumaan ang mga sandali, Ngunit iba na ang iyong minimithi, Kahapon, ako ang iniibig, Ngayon ay may iba nang bukambibig.

Paano na ang mga salitang binitiwan, Unti-unti na ba ‘tong iiwan, Naniwala ako sa'yong mga pangako, Di ko inaasahang lahat ng 'yon ay mapapako.