#overthiking

I have people coming to me asking me how to become popular, people begging me and/or guilt tripping me to reblog their arts or for a shout out. Some ran away from me because I am apparently out of their league (their words not mine).

Someone told me they tried to find dirt on me in twitter once. I had fans who stalked me and kept messaging everyday the seconde I rebloggued something on my main account and they were angry or sad messaging me if I dont answer. Some even sent me creepy messages (I am an introvert and socially anxious person, this is anxiety inducing).

The other day, there was someone who was translating my comics and describe it as a 'heritage to the fandom' as if my comics weren't mine anymore.

Someone tried to convince me to drop some HCs because they said that it will aliened people who dont share these HCs and that I will lose popularity as if it was my goal.

I'm sometime being called the 'king/queen' of the fandom and have my stories and arts called 'content' and I cant help but being :/ by it.

This is my very first experience participating in a fandom, and I am very happy that many people love my arts and comments, but I cant help but feel hurt by some social aspects of it sometimes.

I hate that I have developped the habit to often check my notifications to see if people commented on my stuff. I hate that I worry about numbers at times. I hate that I have to take cautions with any new person who wants to interact with me. I hate having to say no everyday when people ask me permission about something that I am not comfortable with. I hate to learn they are people who stole my stuff every once and a while.

So I dunno. Maybe if I was as popular as you are describing it, maybe I will still be posting stuff, but be less socially engaging.

So yeah, just like money, I hate to concept of popularity. And I feel like I cant complain about it since they are so many who wants to have popularity.