#outsideevent

For my outside event, I was given the glorious opportunity to attend a Pleasure 101 Workshop at the Center for Sexual Health and Pleasure, which is located in Pawtucket, RI. A little bit of background about the CSPH, they are a sexuality education and training organization that (to quote their mission) “works to reduce sexual shame, challenge misinformation, and advance the field of sexuality… we work to educate people and spark dialogue, especially around topics that may be very difficult, in service of creating a more sexually literate society and promoting sexual health and wellness.” The CSPH’s values include sex positive, feminist, pro-LGBTQIA rights, pro-choice, pro-sex worker rights, body-positive, kink/BDSM-friendly, anti-racist, and anti-ableist. They have a very extensive library filled with many different topics concerning sexuality and they also have the largest (safe) sex toy collection on the East coast!! If you are curious for more, I highly recommend checking out their website… (http://www.thecsph.org/)

Now back to the workshop, I attended a two hour Pleasure 101 Workshop that the CSPH hosted through two interns, Noah and Melanie, which talked about a variety of topics. We first were asked to write down what sexual pleasure was for us. We then dove into the anatomy of (of course) the essentials: the penis, the vagina, and the anus. We were handed our own unique vagina puppet while discussing the anatomy concerning the vagina and the many different pleasure points. We then did the same with dildos for the penis. The best part is, no two vagina puppets or dildos were the same, which was to demonstrate that everyone’s body is different and this is natural/normal. The body-positive language used not only enables you to feel a lot more comfortable when speaking about sexuality/pleasure but it also brings a better sense of self especially in a culture where the “ideal body” is unrealistic. Melanie specifically spoke about the labia (scientifically categorized as majora-larger or minora-smaller) with the term outer and inner because “the terms majora and minora are not always the case with the labia’s outer and inner lip sizes,” which I found to be very considerate to each individual. While they discussed the anatomies of each genitals, Noah and Melanie discussed the different kinds of stimulation of the sensitive areas and what someone may or may not find to be pleasurable while being intimate, including the anus (represented by a pillow) that included the prostate gland.

After we gave back our helpful puppets, we moved onto speaking to one part of pleasure play: masturbation. Noah and Melanie had taped four masturbation myths that are often heard: I had the myth that using sex toys when masturbating can lead to a loss of sensation/pleasure during sexual intercourse. When I read this I was shocked at some of these assumptions including the myth that I was given to read aloud to the rest of the audience. Another myth talked about masturbation causing infertility.

Finally, the last lesson discussed at the workshop talked about partner pleasure. During this discussion, Noah dove into discussing the many different areas on the body, aside from the vagina and penis, which can also bring about pleasure with a partner. When portraying the many areas, they made sure to portray it on a gender-neutral body that was drawn on a white board; some of these areas include the forehead, ears, neck, nipples, legs, feet, and essentially the brain. They made it a point that pleasure essentially comes from the brain. If we open ourselves before participating in any sort of sexual stimulation, we can experience pleasure with almost any form of sensual play. Obviously each individual are going to have their own preferences when being intimate with a partner, but having an open mind can help two people explore their sexuality even more and allow for the opportunity to learn what works and what doesn’t work with your sexual partner.

Aside from discussing specifically the pleasure aspect, they talked about communication between partners which is key to any sort of relationship with a partner especially sexual. Communicating with another person about sexuality can be a gray area especially with making sure that you are being considerate of the person you are trying to communicate with. There were three essential rules to communicating with a partner especially when being intimate.

1.      Talk about what (how) you feel—being comfortable to give feedback, being comfortable and open to accepting feedback in return.

2.      Examine your expectations—being open to exploring more; getting past our own expectations when it comes to sexual pleasure which of course is extremely difficult for anyone.

3.      Find tools that work for you:

a.   Lubes: silicone or oil based

b.   Actual tools: sex toys

c.   Communication tools: Comparison lists

At the very end of the workshop, Noah gave everyone wise words which I feel truly embodies what exploring sexuality means… There are no teachers in sex, we are all students. Overall, the main point of this was being open to exploring our own sexualities and who we are sexually with a partner. As long as we remain open to exploring new things, we can learn so much more about our own pleasure and about our partner’s pleasure. We need to remain sensitive when doing this and when communicating what worked or what didn’t work with a partner, we should try to be more specific. Asking direct questions on whether or not someone liked a certain part of the experience; it helps to understanding what someone liked or didn’t like and not generalizing an experience that typically doesn’t involve one kind of act.