#outlaw dimples

Robin didn’t exactly know what went on in Roland’s sessions with Archie. He had offered to go numerous times, but Roland always said no. He let the space be private and didn’t ask Archie what was going on, as he assumed that Roland was saying the same things to him as he did his father. The one thing he did notice was the slow process of Roland coming around to Regina. He wouldn’t hide in his room during her time with him and he’d even respond if she asked him a question. Still, according to Regina they hadn’t had an actual conversation and she still didn’t think he thought of her as mom. If anything, Robin assumed Archie would call Regina in for a group session, but instead it was he that was invited in.

 He wasn’t sure what to say as he sat next to his son on the couch. Archie was jotting down some things in his notebook and Robin wasn’t sure what it could be, considering that they had been silent for a few moments.

 “So, last week, I really felt that Roland and I hit a break through,” Archie said. “He told me that he still loves his mother and he’s willing to work on a relationship with her.”

“That’s great.” Robin smiled down at Roland.

“The only issue is, he’s not sure how much he really wants to.”

“What do you mean?”

“Roland wants to forgive Regina, but he’s been struggling with it. As a result, he ends up feeling pretty bad about himself.”

Robin put an arm around his son. “You don’t have to feel bad about that. Your feelings are your own. No one blames you for this.”

Roland nodded. “I know,” he mumbled.

“Roland understands why Regina did what she did,” Archie continued. “But he still struggles to let her be his mom. While we were talking last session, I really tried to force out the why. His answer made me want both of you in here.”

 Robin tilted his head, looking down at his son. Roland shifted a bit in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. There was a time when Roland had been very vocal about his feelings. He’d let you know what was going on, when he felt it and didn’t care about the consequences. It had been an endearing trait and after Regina’s “death”, it made helping him get through a bit easier. Since she came back, he had been shutting himself away. He didn’t want to talk about the situation, outside letting Robin know that under no uncertain terms that he didn’t want to be around her.

 “It’s okay, Roland,” Archie said. “This is a safe place. Your dad loves you and he just wants to help you.”

Roland nodded and cleared his throat. “I don’t get how I’m supposed to look at her as my mom, when you won’t look at her as your wife.”

 Robin was stunned. Out of all of the things Roland could’ve said, this was the least of what he had been expecting.

 “Well…Roland, it’s a little different. Your mom and I have been through a lot.”

“So, have I with her. She hurt all of us, but I’m supposed to see her as my mom. You won’t even let her move in.”

“Roland, just because I don’t have your mom living with us, doesn’t mean she’s not family. She’s still your mom, she’s still someone I love very much.” Robin watched as Roland got a weird look on his face. “What?”

“Robin,” Archie said. “Have you told your children that you still love Regina before all this?”

“I…”

 Robin racked his brain. The truth was, they hadn’t talked much about their own relationship with the kids. All they had really said was that they needed to live separately and that they were still a family. He had told Regina he still loved her, he had told himself, heck he had even told Kathryn…but had he really not told his kids?

 “I guess I haven’t,” he whispered.

“You still love her, even though she hurt you?” Roland asked.

“Of course I do. Buddy, your mom…she is such a special woman. She has always lit my world on fire and there will never be a day that I don’t love her.”

“Then why aren’t you together?”

“Because…even if I do love her, I can’t trust her right now. She lied to me and even though she had very good reasons, that still hurts. And it’s hard to have a relationship with someone, without trust.”

 Robin sighed, running his fingers through his son’s hair. Henry grew up really fast after his mother was gone, now it seemed that Roland was also growing up just as fast with her return. He hated it. He wished that his kids could just stay young and innocent, and not have to worry about any of it.

 “But Roland, just because I am not ready to be in a relationship with her right now, doesn’t mean that you don’t have to be. She is your mom and she loves you so much. You kids are the most important thing to her. If you feel that you’re ready to have her be your mom again, then let her. Don’t wait for me to be ready to have her be my wife.”

Roland nodded. “Are you ever going to be ready?”

“I don’t know bud, I don’t know. I just know that I am working on it.”

 They spent the rest of the session discussing Roland’s feelings on Regina. It ended with the young boy agreeing to at least talk to her and hear what she had to say. The car ride home was silent, with Roland reading a book and Robin keeping his eyes focused on the road. He thought of Roland’s questions and it brought up an even bigger one. He didn’t trust Regina at the moment. He loved her, God knew that, but he didn’t trust her. The big question was, did he want to be able to trust her again? Did he want to be a family again, be husband and wife like they once were?

The movie went great for Regina, Bryony and Roland. They sat together, laughing at the latest Pixar creation. Bryony seemed to be able to follow it just fine with her hearing aid turned up. She only had to ask Regina what was said a couple of times, which surprised her. As soon as the movie let out, she texted Robin asking how things were going. He said that they were still only three quarters of the way done with the aquarium and that they needed some more time before they could meet up. Regina decided to take the little ones with her to the park near the theater.

 She learned that Bryony liked the slides the best. Luckily, the park wasn’t too crowded, so she could go down as much as she wanted. Roland ran into a friend of his, playing with him in the play structure. The friend’s mom approached Regina, a small smile on her face.

“You must be Regina, Robin’s wife.”

That title was still hard to adjust to. Regina nodded. “Yes.”

“I’m Aurora, that’s P.J.” She pointed over to the red head that was playing with Roland. “Where’s Robin?”

“We decided to split up the kids, get to know them individually.”

“I can’t imagine going through what you two are. I don’t know what Mulan and I would do.”

“You just have to do what’s best for the kids.”

“But does it change how you feel about your other daughter? I mean, Bryony is your flesh and blood. If none of this had happened, you never would’ve met…Eva, Robin said her name was?”

“Evie,” Regina corrected, folding her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling a bit uncomfortable. “Short for Evangeline. And I…I wouldn’t trade either of my daughters for the world.”

“You’re a better person than I. I don’t know if I’d ever be able to forgive the nurse that screwed up on that one.”

 Regina had nearly forgotten the story they had told other people. They didn’t want Bryony to ever find out that it had been Cora or the why, so they had played it off as a hospital error. It wasn’t that hard to believe. Zelena had sent her baby straight to the nursery and Regina was having surgery. It was hours before the children would be reunited with the parents who would raise them.

 Would Regina ever forgive her mother for this? Was it right that she was angry with her? Aurora was right. If Cora had never stepped in, she would’ve raised Bryony from birth. She never would’ve missed a second. Maybe there would’ve been other choices that would’ve been made.

 Yet, she never would’ve gotten Evie. How could she be so angry, while also not wanting to change how things turned out?

 She was quiet for the rest of the night, only asking Evie and Henry how their day with Robin was. She was happy to see that Evie was getting closer to Robin. They definitely weren’t anywhere close to being true father and daughter yet, but she actually spoke to him and sat next to him at the diner. Bryony and Roland chatted as well, wanting to fill their father in on everything they had done.

 Robin apparently noticed, because once Roland, Bryony and Evie had gone to bed and Henry went to play video games, he brought it up.

 “You want to spill why you’re so quiet? Did something happen at the movies?”

“No. At the park, we ran into P.J and his mom.”

Robin let out a sigh. “What’d Aurora say? She’s kind of known for having zero filter.”

“It’s nothing.” He gave her a pointed look. “I just…she brought up how forgiving I seem to be about the whole situation and I’m not. I’m so pissed with Cora.”

“So am I. That’s normal.”

“But if I could turn back time, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t change having Evie in my life.”

Robin frowned. “Well…I suppose I wouldn’t change anything either.”

“But is that, right? The fact that we’re so affected by the switch and yet we wouldn’t go back and change anything?”

“I think it makes us human and good parents. We love our daughters, but we acknowledge that the way we got them was fucked up.”

Regina sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “I guess.”

“It’s okay to feel both ways, like I said, I do too.”

“It helps having someone that gets it. I mean, Mal is a mom…”

“But she’ll never understand this.”

 There was another beat of silence as he poured them some tea.

 “So, when did Evie lose all the hearing in her left ear?” She asked. “You said she was born with it reduced.”

“According to tests, when she was a little over a year old.”

“And you never…you never considered the cochlear implant?” Robin gave her an odd look. “I did some research into it.”

“Then you know it’s costly and there’s a chance that it won’t work.”

“Of course.” She could see the defensiveness and anger in his eyes. “I wasn’t suggesting we do it. I just…wondered if you wanted to back then.”

“I looked into all the options and they said if I was ever going to, I should before it affected her speech entirely. While it’d potentially make things easier…I just didn’t think it would be worth it. I didn’t want to change a part of her that made her, her.”

 Regina felt a strange sense of pride in the pit of her stomach. She had come to the same conclusion and probably would’ve back then, but there was no way that Cora would’ve. She would’ve insisted on the cochlear, she probably would’ve talked Regina into it. Robin had embraced who his daughter was, he didn’t want to change her.

 “Besides,” Robin continued. “It’s not something that should be my choice or yours. If Bryony got older and wanted to get it, then it’d be a discussion.”

“I agree.”

“I’ve never wanted to act like it’s something she needs to be ashamed of, it’s why I chose that pre-school for her. There are other kids like her there and I’ve looked into schools that have similar programs.”

“You really embraced this.”

“It was that or go into it ignorant. You’d be surprised how many parents at the school are like it. There’s one mom that won’t even learn sign language and her child is a hundred percent deaf.”

Regina winced. “She sounds like Cora.”

“Probably.” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “The way I look at it, these kids are going to face enough adversity in their lives…why start it at home?”

“You’re right.” Regina took his hand. “You’re a good dad, you know?”

Robin softly smiled. “You’re a good mom. Evie and Henry are really smart. I feel like they taught me stuff at the aquarium.”

Regina laughed. “Henry’s the type of kid to pick up a subject and not let it go. I think he rubbed off on Evie. Not necessarily a bad thing.”

“She doesn’t seem to hate me anymore.”

“She never hated you. It’s just new. We talk about how hard all of this is on us, but can you imagine them? Evie’s gone her whole life without a dad, Bryony’s gone hers without a mom. Suddenly this is all thrown at them and they barely have time to process it.”

“They can never know the full truth, can they?”

Regina shook her head. “It’s not even to protect Cora, it’s to protect Bryony. I never want her to feel how I did growing up. Nothing I ever did was good enough, I had to measure up to her. It’d be even worse, feeling like she has to compete with a ghost.”

Robin shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

“What were yours like? You never talk about them.”

 Robin looked away and Regina worried she had crossed a line, but eventually, he pulled out a picture from his wallet. It was faded polaroid, turning a bit yellow in the frayed white corners. There was a woman that looked near identical to Evie and a man that shared a lot of Robin’s features.

 “They died when I was 10,” he explained.

“Oh, Robin…”

“Please don’t say sorry, everyone says that.”

“I won’t. I just…” She shook her head. “I can’t imagine being that young.”

“I didn’t have any family, so I ended up in the system. No one wants a 10 year old, I guess, so I bounced around a bit until I was 16 and ran away.”

Regina shut her eyes, trying to not imagine a young Robin living on the streets. It was too painful. “You were on your own?”

“Just until I met Marian. She made everything right again.”

She smiled a little. “The people you love can do that.”

“Anyway, my father’s name was Aslan. My mother’s was Kate.”

“You named Bryony after her?”

Robin nodded. “I was going to name her Isabelle Kate, that was what Marian and I had picked out for a little girl. It didn’t seem right, though. She wasn’t Marian’s…she needed a name all her own.”

“I understand. Besides, she doesn’t exactly seem an Isabelle.”

He chuckled. “She doesn’t, does she? It’s weird to think that she could’ve been Evie.”

“That definitely wouldn’t fit.”

“And I can’t see Evie as a “Bryony” either.”

 He looked behind Regina, towards the fridge. A picture of Henry and Evie hung there, the two were smiling and wearing matching outfits.

“Maybe this wasn’t fate or destiny, but…it was just supposed to be how things worked out. You were supposed to raise my daughter for the first few years, while I had yours. Maybe we were supposed to meet for a reason.”

Regina arched an eyebrow. “You really think that?”

“I have to. There has to be a good reason for all of this outside Cora being vindictive.”

“It’d certainly make it easier for me to sleep at night.”

“Maybe we’re not supposed to think about it. Cora did what she did and we’re in our situation. If we keep going into the whys or the guilt, it’s only going to make us feel worse. We’re a family now…it’s all going to work out.”

“It’s just hard to rationalize.”

“So don’t try to. Don’t try to plan it out. Let’s just go with it, there’s nothing we can do.”

 Robin clearly didn’t know her that well. All of Regina’s life had been planned out, ever since Daniel died. She didn’t schedule in time to get her life flipped upside down, not since her wedding night. She never wanted to be hurt like that again.

 That was the thing about events like that, though. A person couldn’t plan for them. If they could, they’d choose not to do it in the first place.

 She was a perfectionist, but if any of it was going to work, she’d have to let go a bit. She had to roll with the punches. She had figured it out once, she could do it again.

 Regina raised her mug. “To rolling with the punches.”

“To rolling with the punches.”

 Their mugs clashed together and they stared into each other’s eyes. Robin could tell that she was still trying to figure out the future. He knew that neither of them could predict what the next few months would hold for them.

 They’d spend them trying to become a family. They’d spend them getting to know the children they didn’t know were out there, along with the boys that came along with the package of their new family. Bryony would get closer to her mother and Evie would adjust to having a father in her life period. Henry would find himself going to Robin for advice, especially when he got his first crush around Valentine’s Day. Roland would ask Regina to help him with his project for his first Science Fair entry. The girls would get closer, even referring to one another as sisters. Robin and Regina would find them sneaking into each other’s room to share a bed.