#dimples outlaw

Robin didn’t exactly know what went on in Roland’s sessions with Archie. He had offered to go numerous times, but Roland always said no. He let the space be private and didn’t ask Archie what was going on, as he assumed that Roland was saying the same things to him as he did his father. The one thing he did notice was the slow process of Roland coming around to Regina. He wouldn’t hide in his room during her time with him and he’d even respond if she asked him a question. Still, according to Regina they hadn’t had an actual conversation and she still didn’t think he thought of her as mom. If anything, Robin assumed Archie would call Regina in for a group session, but instead it was he that was invited in.

 He wasn’t sure what to say as he sat next to his son on the couch. Archie was jotting down some things in his notebook and Robin wasn’t sure what it could be, considering that they had been silent for a few moments.

 “So, last week, I really felt that Roland and I hit a break through,” Archie said. “He told me that he still loves his mother and he’s willing to work on a relationship with her.”

“That’s great.” Robin smiled down at Roland.

“The only issue is, he’s not sure how much he really wants to.”

“What do you mean?”

“Roland wants to forgive Regina, but he’s been struggling with it. As a result, he ends up feeling pretty bad about himself.”

Robin put an arm around his son. “You don’t have to feel bad about that. Your feelings are your own. No one blames you for this.”

Roland nodded. “I know,” he mumbled.

“Roland understands why Regina did what she did,” Archie continued. “But he still struggles to let her be his mom. While we were talking last session, I really tried to force out the why. His answer made me want both of you in here.”

 Robin tilted his head, looking down at his son. Roland shifted a bit in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. There was a time when Roland had been very vocal about his feelings. He’d let you know what was going on, when he felt it and didn’t care about the consequences. It had been an endearing trait and after Regina’s “death”, it made helping him get through a bit easier. Since she came back, he had been shutting himself away. He didn’t want to talk about the situation, outside letting Robin know that under no uncertain terms that he didn’t want to be around her.

 “It’s okay, Roland,” Archie said. “This is a safe place. Your dad loves you and he just wants to help you.”

Roland nodded and cleared his throat. “I don’t get how I’m supposed to look at her as my mom, when you won’t look at her as your wife.”

 Robin was stunned. Out of all of the things Roland could’ve said, this was the least of what he had been expecting.

 “Well…Roland, it’s a little different. Your mom and I have been through a lot.”

“So, have I with her. She hurt all of us, but I’m supposed to see her as my mom. You won’t even let her move in.”

“Roland, just because I don’t have your mom living with us, doesn’t mean she’s not family. She’s still your mom, she’s still someone I love very much.” Robin watched as Roland got a weird look on his face. “What?”

“Robin,” Archie said. “Have you told your children that you still love Regina before all this?”

“I…”

 Robin racked his brain. The truth was, they hadn’t talked much about their own relationship with the kids. All they had really said was that they needed to live separately and that they were still a family. He had told Regina he still loved her, he had told himself, heck he had even told Kathryn…but had he really not told his kids?

 “I guess I haven’t,” he whispered.

“You still love her, even though she hurt you?” Roland asked.

“Of course I do. Buddy, your mom…she is such a special woman. She has always lit my world on fire and there will never be a day that I don’t love her.”

“Then why aren’t you together?”

“Because…even if I do love her, I can’t trust her right now. She lied to me and even though she had very good reasons, that still hurts. And it’s hard to have a relationship with someone, without trust.”

 Robin sighed, running his fingers through his son’s hair. Henry grew up really fast after his mother was gone, now it seemed that Roland was also growing up just as fast with her return. He hated it. He wished that his kids could just stay young and innocent, and not have to worry about any of it.

 “But Roland, just because I am not ready to be in a relationship with her right now, doesn’t mean that you don’t have to be. She is your mom and she loves you so much. You kids are the most important thing to her. If you feel that you’re ready to have her be your mom again, then let her. Don’t wait for me to be ready to have her be my wife.”

Roland nodded. “Are you ever going to be ready?”

“I don’t know bud, I don’t know. I just know that I am working on it.”

 They spent the rest of the session discussing Roland’s feelings on Regina. It ended with the young boy agreeing to at least talk to her and hear what she had to say. The car ride home was silent, with Roland reading a book and Robin keeping his eyes focused on the road. He thought of Roland’s questions and it brought up an even bigger one. He didn’t trust Regina at the moment. He loved her, God knew that, but he didn’t trust her. The big question was, did he want to be able to trust her again? Did he want to be a family again, be husband and wife like they once were?