#ouat stuff

When the time comes for his appointment he feels awkward and out of sorts. He's no longer sure he even wants to do this. But he's here, so he'll go through with it.

The doctor greets him warmly and they sit across from each other on comfortable sofas. “So, what is it that you need to talk about, Killian?”

Killian takes a deep breath. Might as well get it over with. “I've been having these dreams...”

Explaining the dreams, and who they are about, is just as uncomfortable as Killian anticipated. But Hopper's questions are gentle, and lead him to open up in ways he hadn't expected. Once he finishes describing them, up to his most recent dream, he looks at Hopper warily. “So...? What do I do, now?”

Hopper nods thoughtfully. “That depends. What do you want to do?”

“I don't know. I just know things can't carry on as they are,” Killian replies.

“Then you have to change something.”

“Exactly.” Killian leans forward. “But how? How do I change things to stop these dreams from pestering me night after night?”

“That is the question, isn't it?” Hopper says.

Killian clenches his jaw. This isn't helping.

“It seems to me,” says Hopper, “that you're quite taken with Miss Swan. You seem to feel a deep emotional connection with her.”

Killian looks away, once again embarrassed. “I suppose I do. That's why I was trying to be friends with her.”

“But you want something more,” Hopper presses.

Killian's cheeks feel warm. “Yes. I – I shouldn't, though. She told me she's not interested. Her life is changing too much right now. She needs to settle into her new life a bit before she's ready to think about dating. I mean, she hasn't even found her own apartment, yet.”

“These were her words?”

“More or less.”

Hopper taps his chin. “Did she say she wasn't interested in dating, or that she wasn't interested in you?”

Killian fidgets. This is going in an uncomfortable direction. “Just dating. She... she actually said she wanted to get to know me, better. And we were getting on well with each other. But then...”

“Then those dreams started messing with your head,” Hopper finishes.

“Exactly.”

Hopper nods. “Killian – I'm a big believer that when a person sets a boundary on a relationship, you need to respect that boundary. But I also believe that when people get to know each other, their opinions and boundaries might shift more quickly than expected. You mentioned that you and Miss Swan shared a few moments?”

Killian rubs his chin and nods. “Yeah. I felt something, and I could swear she felt something, too. But with these dreams messing about with me, I don't know if it's all in my head, or if it was real.”

“Here's what I think.” Hopper leaned toward him. “I think that your feelings for Miss Swan became very strong very quickly, but you were respecting her boundary, as you should, so you tried to push those feelings aside. I think that these dreams are your brain's way of pushing back. You do feel things. Things that are so intense and so unexpected that you don't want to acknowledge them. And when you repressed them, your subconscious started putting together these elaborate simulations, if you will, to show you that you can't ignore what you're feeling.”

But the dreams felt so real – so potent. Yet there was no other rational explanation besides the one Hopper offered. “So, you think I need to face these feelings and deal with them directly?”

“That's certainly not a bad idea,” Hopper replies. “I know that after a long break from romantic interactions, it can be a very scary thing to put yourself out there again. But you need to trust your instincts. And those instincts were telling you that Miss Swan was connecting with you in the same way you were connecting with her. Now, you can't push your feelings on her. You still need to respect her boundaries. But I think its perfectly fair of you to ask. Ask her if she still just wants to be friends. Ask her if her feelings have changed. If they haven't, you need to back down. And if your dreams still trouble you, I'll be here to talk whenever you want. But if her feelings have changed, I think your brain is telling you that it's ready to take a leap of faith and give this new relationship a try.”

Everything Hopper says feels so right. It is terrifying, but he can't deny that his feelings for Emma are more powerful than anything he's felt for anyone since Milah's death. And, as he thought yesterday, the worst that can happen is she'll reject him. He's survived far worse than that.

All he has to decide is whether or not this chance is worth the risk.

“Thank you, doctor. I think this was exactly what I needed to hear.”

“Glad I could help.”

A few hours later, David calls to invite him to a game night with a few friends tomorrow evening.

“Is Emma going to be there?” Killian asks.

“We're inviting her, yeah. I just haven't called her, yet. Is there something going on, there, Killian? I thought I was picking up on some vibes from the two of you.”

“Too early to say,” Killian replies. “But I admit I am attracted to her. I've been thinking that maybe... maybe it's time to get out there. You know?”

David chuckles. “Well, it's about time. Mary Margaret will be thrilled – she was pestering me to set the two of you up.”

Killian smiles and shakes his head. “Don't tell her anything, yet. I'm still feeling things out. Don't want to get her hopes up.” And he doesn't want Mary Margaret nagging him about this for the next month. Not when he has no idea how Emma feels.

“Sure thing,” David replies with another chuckle.

“But, uh,” Killian hesitates, and then asks, “when you call to invite Emma, could you tell her I'll be there? Maybe mention that I'm... I don't know... looking forward to seeing her? Or something?”

“You really do have a crush, don't you?” David teases.

“Mate...”

“Sure. I'll put in a good word for you. Trust me,” David replies.

“Okay.”

After they hang up, Killian runs his hand through his hair and paces restlessly. Will Emma be more or less likely to come after David mentions him? Only time will tell.

~ ~ ~

Emma is apprehensive when, after David extends the invitation to a game night, he says, “Oh – and Killian wanted you to know he'll be there. He wasn't around much this week, and I think he misses you.” There is a teasing tone in David's voice, and she has no idea what to make of it.

Was Killian warning her off? Or is the sentiment sincere?

She reaches into the pocket where she's been carrying the insignia lately, and rubs her thumb across it for luck. “Sounds great. I'll be there.”

She's on edge for the rest of the day, and has a restless night.

At bedtime she decides to set the insignia aside. If any of Killian's dreams have been troubling him, she needs to minimize that tonight so that he'll be more relaxed tomorrow. Anything to ease the tension between them.

She's in a daze all day on Sunday. Henry is with Neal this weekend – she wasn't ready to foist her worries onto her son, and decided it would be best not to have him visit. Finally, after a hasty microwave dinner, which sits unpleasantly in her gut, she grabs the cookies and popcorn that she bought as contributions to the gathering, and heads to the loft.

She's the last one to arrive.

Mary Margaret has invited two of the other teachers from the elementary school, but Emma's eyes go straight to Killian. He is perched on one of the bar stools, dressed down in jeans and a sweater. Her heart skips a beat when he meets her eyes and offers a nervous smile.

“Good thing Killian could make it,” David jokes as he takes the snacks from Emma, “or I would have been the fifth wheel at a girl's night. Now at least we're outnumbered together, right buddy?” He nudges Killian as he sets the food down on the counter.

“How could I say no to the chance to be overwhelmed by an abundance of charming women?” Killian says, his tone light. His eyes dart briefly  to Emma's again before he looks away.

She has to grip the back of a chair to stop her hand from shaking. Maybe Neal was right – maybe Killian took a step back because he was developing feelings for her. Real feelings, not just the crush that Regina built into him.

She'll find a way to talk to him one on one, tonight. She has to.

After grabbing some treats and chatting with Mary Margaret's friends for a few minutes, they sit down for a board game with too many rules that David seems to adore. All through the game she can't stop herself from looking at Killian, and finds him looking back more often than not. Hope swells inside of her as they fall into the same friendly cadence they shared for her first three weeks as deputy.

After the game ends (David, unsurprisingly, wins), David and one of Mary Margaret's friends argue over which game to play next and everyone else heads to the kitchen for more snacks.

Emma ends up standing next to Killian beside the chips and salsa. Her whole body tenses. She glances toward him, and finds him glancing toward her as well.

Time to take a chance.

“You were a little scarce around town this week,” she says. “I was beginning to wonder if you were avoiding me.”

Killian's face falls and he looks down at the counter.

Oh. He was avoiding her. Crap.

“I admit I was seeking solitude a great deal over the past week. There's been something on my mind that I needed to think about.” He speaks softly so as not to be overheard.

“Oh,” she replies, her hope stirring again.

“I – I was hoping I could walk you home, tonight. I'd like the chance to talk to you. About things. Just the two of us.”

Tingles run up and down her arms. It's happening. Just when she'd been about to lose heart.

“That would be great,” she replies, trying to keep her voice steady. “I was hoping for the chance to talk to you, too.”

“You were?” He captures her gaze, his eyes intent and full of questions she can't answer, yet.

“Yeah.”

He gives a slight nod. “Well, then. We'll talk.”

“Yes. We will.”

~ ~ ~

Killian isn't quite certain how he manages to survive two rounds of Clue (a game better suited to ten year olds), but he does.

He feels sick with nerves. Emma wants to talk to him. But why? To tell him, again, that she's not interested? Or, by some miracle, to tell him that she's changed her mind and wants to try something?

Whichever is the case, he's glad he's taking Hopper's advice. After resolving to come to the party and talk to her, he got the best night of sleep he's had in weeks. Not a single dream that he can remember. So it seems his subconscious really was telling him to act on his feelings (though that isn't enough to explain everything about the dreams).

When the time comes, the two of them say goodnight to their hosts and manage to slip out while the teachers are all still happily chatting.

They make their way out to the dark street, and Emma, shoving one hand in her pocket and tapping the other on her thigh, looks just as nervous as he feels.

They slowly head in the direction of Regina's house.

For the first few minutes there is no sound but the crunch of their shoes against the pavement.

He takes a deep breath and musters the courage to speak. “So. That thing I wanted to talk to you about...”

“Yeah?” she sounds nervous and eager at the same time.

“Yeah. I just... part of what I was thinking about so much this week was... it was, uh, you. Us. Our friendship.” There. Not the greatest start, but it's enough to get the conversation rolling.

Emma stops and rocks on her feet. They are on a wooded stretch of road, beneath the spreading canopy of several old elm trees. “I was thinking about, us, too.”

His heart leaps into his throat. He's not sure he can manage to speak. After a cough, he manages, “Oh. Oh.”

For a moment something that looks like genuine fear flashes in her eyes, but then a steel and strength returns to her expression. “I need to say something, and I think I just need to get it out and over with or I won't manage at all,” she says. “So, I guess what I want to say is, when I told you I wasn't looking to date anyone, that was the truth. But something is happening. Something is changing in ways I never expected. ” She hesitates a moment, and he feels as if his heart is going to drop out of his chest. She continues. “When I'm with you, I feel like there's something here. Happening. Between us.” She gestures back and forth. “I guess I want to know if you feel it, too, or if it's just me.”

He feels like he's floating – like this is some sort of out-of-body experience. “It's not just you.” Without conscious thought he takes a step toward her, closing the distance between them to just a few inches. “Emma...” He breathes out her name, searching for the right words to say next.

A nervous smile rises on her face, and he can feel his own expression mirroring hers.

“Okay,” she says, just above a whisper. “That's good to know.”

“Yes, it is,” he replies. “After our outing last Saturday – I felt like I needed to take a step back, to respect your wishes. But I couldn't stop thinking about you.” His hand twitches toward her.

“I couldn't stop thinking about you, either.” Her fingers brush against his, and he catches her hand in his own, reveling in the warmth and softness.

He finds himself leaning toward her. He can't believe this is happening. It feels like another one of his dreams. “This sort of thing doesn't happen to me,” he says, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. She stares up into his eyes like she never wants to look at anything else, and feels as if he's drowning. “I need you to know that. I don't go around trying to charm all the women in town. That's not me. I haven't gone on a single date since I began studying for the priesthood years and years ago.”

“This doesn't happen to me, either, Killian,” she says, squeezing his hand a little tighter. “Things were really bad at the end, with Henry's father. We've managed to be friends – or close to it – for Henry's sake. But it left me really sour on relationships. I've had a handful of dates, but nothing ever clicked. Nothing ever felt even close to being right. But when I'm with you... I don't even know how to explain it.” She shakes her head.

“I understand. I haven't felt this drawn to someone in so long, I'd almost forgotten what it could feel like – to want to be with someone. It's almost like some mysterious force is pulling us together – like magnets.” He's babbling, but he doesn't care. Emma wants him. She wants him the same way he wants her. That's the only thing that matters, right now.

“That's exactly how I feel,” she replies.

And just like a magnet he finds himself leaning even closer to her. He lets go of her hand and reaches up to brush her hair back from her face, resting his palm against her cheek. She grips his hip with one hand and raises the other to trail her fingers down the side of his face, sending waves of heat coursing through his body. He's never wanted to kiss someone so intensely in his life.

“I can't believe this is happening,” he murmurs. He closes his eyes and lets his lips graze against her forehead in a soft kiss.

In a rush all of the images from his dreams flood his mind, vying for his attention, as if they want him to believe that he's known this woman for months. “This is madness,” he whispers. What the hell is he doing?

He pulls back a little, but isn't ready to let his hand drop. This touch – this connection – is filling a need inside of him that he didn't even know he had. “What are we doing, Emma?” he asks, searching for some way of anchoring himself to reality in this midst of this torrent of feelings. “We've barely known each other for a month. I don't do this! I have no idea what happens next.”

She shakes her head slightly. “You're right. This feels crazy. Like we're stuck in romance novel, or something.” She laughs, and he grins at the sight.

He finds himself sending out a silent prayer. God, my Father, please help me know if this is real. Help me do the right thing. I want this to be real.

He takes a deep breath. “Perhaps, before we get too carried away, we need to bring this back into the real world.” Reluctantly he drops his hand and takes a slight step back. She does the same.

Even one second after breaking contact, he craves her touch again. It really is madness – but of a sort he doesn't want to recover from. “I think the sensible thing to do right now would be to ask you to dinner. So – will you join me for dinner tomorrow night?”

She smiles and laughs again. “Yes. I would love to go to dinner with you.”

“Well, that's a relief.” He chuckles.

Her grin is bright enough to light up the whole street.

“I'll pick you up at Regina's. Does seven o'clock sound good?”

Her smiles softens, but loses none of its radiance. “It sounds perfect.”

“Alright. Now that that's settled, I think I'd better finish walking you home, before we both lose our heads again.” He wouldn't entirely mind losing his head – he's felt her kiss in his dreams, and can't help but long to feel it in real life, as well. But he needs to be responsible. She's a single mother, and he has a church to lead by example. He needs to be sensible about this, no matter much his body longs for something else.

Even so, when, after another minute of walking, he finds her hand reaching out to take his, again, he feels happier than he has in ages.

He leaves her at the path to Regina's door, with one last squeeze to her hand and an awkward goodbye – but it's a type of awkwardness he doesn't mind, because it's the awkwardness that sits on the precipice of “comfort” and “familiarity,” and he can't wait until they reach that stage.

He heads home with the lightest heart he's had in weeks, and quickly falls into a deep and dreamless sleep.

~ ~ ~

Emma is so happy she feels like singing. Being able to touch Killian again – feeling how much he cares for her in a genuine way, not the false way Regina put inside of him – all of it is better than she could have imagined. She feels foolish for letting herself get mired in hopelessness. She never should have lost her faith.

She manages to get to her room without seeing Regina, and doesn't call Neal or Henry. She's not ready to tell anyone about these new developments. It still feels so fragile. She doesn't want to jinx it.

In the morning she slips out before Regina emerges from her room and enjoys a long walk along the waterfront before breakfast at Granny's.

In the late morning Emma is working alone at the station while David is out on patrol. Without warning, Regina walks in.

She's angry. She's been angry a lot, lately. Emma can sympathize – she misses Henry every bit as much as Regina does. But they are where they are. They both just need to wait it out for the time being.

Even so, Regina rants for nearly thirty minutes about how Emma didn't let Henry come for his regular visit over the weekend, and demands that he come at least one day in the middle of the week.

“After all I'm doing for you, you owe me this,” Regina says.

Emma grits her teeth. Regina has an inflated opinion about what she's doing to help, but now isn't the time. “I'll talk to Neal and see what we can work out.”

Regina huffs. “I still have no idea why that man has more right to Henry than I do. I was the one who raised him, while that person was off committing who knows what crimes all over North America.”

Emma sympathizes, but Regina isn't exactly one to offer criticism after everything she's done. “He has as much right to a second chance as you do,” she says.

Regina only rolls her eyes. “This is absurd. And you've barely made any progress with Hook. This curse is going to last forever.”

Emma sighs. It seems that she has no choice but fill Regina in – unless she wants to listen to another half-hour rant. “Actually, we had a very good talk last night, and he asked me to dinner. He's picking me up at seven.”

Regina's eyes go wide. “Really? It's about damn time. Now you just need to work your magic, win his heart, and take care of business. This plan is finally back on track.”

Emma shakes her head. “You know I hate when you talk about it like this. And this will take as long as it takes. You can't force people's feelings. Please be patient, Regina.”

“It's been a month, Emma.” Regina folds her arms across her chest and glares. “I think I'm justified in running out of patience. Now – do you have something nice to wear, instead of your usual...” She gestures to Emma's outfit.

Emma manages to restrain a sharp retort and puts up with another ten minute lecture on her clothing choices before she finally gets Regina to leave.

And this is exactly why she didn't want to tell anyone.

~ ~ ~

Killian doesn't want to seem over-eager, but when the chance to step into Granny's for a late-morning coffee arrives, he buys a second cup for Emma without even thinking.

He shakes his head at his absurd level of excitement over their date as he makes his way to the station. He steps through the door and is about to turn the corner into the office area when he hears Regina's voice, and pauses.

“This is absurd. And you've barely made any progress with Hook. This curse is going to last forever.”

What...?

“Actually, we had a very good talk last night, and he asked me to dinner. He's picking me up at seven.”

“Really?” Regina's voice replies. “It's about damn time. Now you just need to work your magic, win his heart, and take care of business. This plan is finally back on track.”

“You know I hate when you talk about it like this. And this will take as long as it takes. You can't force people's feelings. Please be patient, Regina,” Emma replies.

They're talking about him. But none of this makes sense. A curse? A plan? Winning his heart to take care of business?

“It's been a month, Emma. I think I'm justified in running out of patience.”

Killian turns and slips out as quietly as he can. He doesn't want to hear any more of this conversation.

His heart is racing. He can't make any sense of what he just heard.

He makes his way into a nearby wooded area and sits down on a fallen log. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to understand.

Emma admitted that Regina had plans to set them up when she first moved to town. But then she'd said that she shut Regina down. So why has Regina been waiting a month for them to go on a date? And what is this plan? And what in blazes does a curse have to do with anything? Was Regina speaking metaphorically or literally?

He feels sick to his stomach. All of his elation from the night before has vanished.

Have Emma and Regina been manipulating him? Why would they do such a thing?

Maybe he misunderstood their conversation. He doesn't have the full context. Even so, there are no ways to hear this that leave Emma's intentions as pure and innocent as he thought they were.

Regina clearly has some sort of endgame in mind that involves him and Emma in a relationship, and she's been pushing Emma to make it happen.

Does Emma really care about him at all, or is it just an act?

He stands and starts walking home, tossing his coffee cups in the nearest trash bin. He has no idea what to do, now. Nothing makes any sense.

After he gets home he calls Doris to let her know he isn't feeling well and will be working at home for the rest of the day.

He can't face anyone, right now. He feels used and humiliated.

As the hours pass, he fluctuates back and forth between twisting his thoughts to somehow justify and excuse Emma and wallowing in his pain from being used and manipulated.

When the evening draws near, he still doesn't know what he wants to do.

In his heart, he wants to give Emma the benefit of the doubt. But he refuses to let himself become a tool in some twisted plan of Regina's.

Finally he decides that there is only one real solution. He has to confront Emma with what he overheard, and get an explanation straight from her.

It makes him sick with anxiety to think of it, but there is no other way to discover the truth.

Before he leaves to pick her up, he kneels in prayer and asks for the strength to go through with this, and the discernment to recognize the truth when he hears it. He needs all the help he can get, right now.

~ ~ ~

Emma looks at herself in the mirror and takes a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. In a moment of sentiment she picked out the same black skirt and white sweater that she wore on their other first date, all those months ago. Back when he knew about the curse and she didn't.

And now the roles are reversed.

There are times when she still can't believe this is her life.

For a moment she contemplates changing into something with less emotional baggage, but eventually decides to stick with it. That other date went pretty well, after all. Maybe it will bring her luck.

Downstairs she pulls on a coat and tucks the insignia in her pocket for another measure of luck.

She only has to wait a few more minutes before the doorbell rings.

The butterflies in her stomach are having a dance party when she opens the door to find Killian waiting on the stoop.

She's surprised to see him still in his priest's shirt and collar, and his smile looks tight and tense. Did something bad happen to him today?

She tries not to let it worry her, offering him a warm greeting and following him to his car.

He still looks tense as he drives.

“So, where are we headed?” she asks, trying to lighten the mood.

“You'll see,” he replies. But his tone doesn't imply a fun surprise. On the contrary, he sounds upset.

“Killian – is something wrong?”

“That's what we need to figure out.” He turns the car to the street alongside the city park near the waterfront, and pulls over.

Emma has a sinking feeling. Something is very, very wrong. “I don't understand.”

“We need to talk. Come on.” He steps out of the car and heads into the park.

Her unease growing by the second, Emma follows.

She follows him across the grass until he pauses in front of a cluster of shrubs. He runs his hand through his hair and rocks from foot to foot, looking as upset as she's ever seen him.

“Killian, what is going on?” she asks.

He shakes his head a few times before answering. “I was bringing you coffee late this morning, but before I got all the way into the office, I heard some things.”

Emma feels as if a rock has dropped into her stomach. He was there when she was talking to Regina. What did he hear?

He grimaces. “I take it by the look on your face that you're not exactly pleased about me overhearing your conversation with Regina. Is it because you've been found out? Is this really some sort of sick plan that Regina roped you into? Is that why you're acting like you care about me?”

Oh God. This is the worst possible thing that could have happened.

“Killian, it's not like that.”

“Then what is it like?” he asks, spreading his arms wide and gesturing in frustration. “I didn't hear everything, but what I did hear made it pretty clear that Regina has some sort of plan that involves you enticing me into a relationship. I don't want to think the worst of you – I really don't. But I'm having a hard time finding anything good about this, right now.”

She takes a deep breath. “I know it's hard to believe right now, but I promise you that everything I said last night is true. I really do have feelings for you. I really do want to go out with you. All of that is real. You have to believe me.”

He shakes his head. “But you've given me no explanation for anything that I heard. How can I believe you?”

Emma pauses for a moment, struggling to find an answer. And then it occurs to her – she's had this conversation before. Or one almost like it.

That night when August told her about the curse and told her that Killian knew the truth, she confronted him. And this is almost exactly like the conversation they had that night, only with the roles reversed.

She'd wanted to believe him. She'd wanted to trust him. But the full measure of that trust hadn't returned until weeks later once he had a chance to tell her his real life story, and there were no more lies between them.

After that – after she knew the full truth – it had been so easy to let herself love him.

Yet here she is, doing the same thing to him that he'd done to her. Manipulating him into a relationship under false pretenses. Lying to him.

No matter how good her motives are, there's no way they can share a True Love's Kiss under these circumstances. She sees that, now.

They were so close to breaking the first curse, but his lies got in the way. And now hers are the problem.

And there is only one way to solve it.

Please God, let this work.

~ ~ ~

Killian's chest aches as Emma stares at him, floundering to answer his questions. He was right. She was using him, though for what purpose he had no idea.

And then she says something that blindsides him. “Did you hear Regina talking about a curse?”

He knits his brow. “I – yes. But I thought it must be some sort of metaphor that the two of you understood, but I didn't. What does it all mean? I'm still listening, Emma, but I won't for much longer, unless you give me a good reason to trust you.”

“I have one.” Emma stepped toward him, an earnest look in her eyes. “But it's going to be hard for you to believe. I need you to listen without judgment. Give me the benefit of the doubt. Please.”

She might still be manipulating him... But he was willing to give her this last chance. “I'm listening.”

She squares her shoulders and lifts her chin. “The curse Regina mentioned – it's not a metaphor. It's real. This entire town, except me and Regina, is under a curse that made all of you forget your true identities. And I'm here to break the curse and wake you up.”

Killian blinks. His mouth hangs open. He shakes his head. “What?! You mean we're all under some sort of magical spell?”

“Yes. Exactly,” Emma replies.

“You honestly expect me to believe this?” Why of all things did she choose this as her story? Literally anything else would have been more believable.

She shakes her head. “No. I don't. Because it's unbelievable. Impossible. Ridiculous. How could it possibly be true? But it is. This is the truth, Killian.”

He shakes his head and backs away from her. Everything about her tone and expression tells him that she is utterly sincere, which almost makes this worse. Is she delusional?

“I know exactly how you're feeling right now,” she says. “Because a few months ago, our roles were reversed. The town was under a different curse – apparently that's a hazard of living here. And that time you knew the truth, and I didn't, and you tried to start a relationship with me under false pretenses. Your feelings were real, but you lied about who you really were and what you knew, because you thought that if you told me the truth you would lose me forever. And you nearly did. I managed to forgive you, and we were together. But now that the tables are turned, I made the exact same mistake. And I was wrong, and I'm sorry.”

His head is spinning. This can't be real – it can't! And yet... All those dreams felt so much like memories. Could it be possible?

He shakes his head. “This is absurd.”

“I know,” she replies. “But it's real. It's our life.”

He rubs his forehead, his thoughts spinning, grasping for anything real to hold onto. “And... and in this other life – the one I've supposedly forgotten – we were together?”

Emma nods, pain evident on her face. “We were. We were in love. Are in love. I love you, Killian. That's why I'm here. That's why I'm trying to break the curse. Because I love you, and I miss you, and I want you back. I want you to remember.”

She loves him. But how can he believe her? But he sees it in her eyes. He feels it.

The same swell of emotion that he felt in his dream when Henry asked him if he was in love with Emma fills his chest. Can he love a woman he doesn't even trust? A woman he doesn't even know?

But if what she says is true, I do know her.

All the dreams – the pain he saw on Emma's face the first few times they encountered each other – the way his feelings for her came on so quickly and so intensely – all of it fits. But how can it? He doesn't know what to believe.

“I know how hard this is right now,” she says. “I know it, because I lived it. I need you to look inside your heart. Go pray about it if you need to.”

“How can God and magic both exist?” he demands, the question suddenly feeling like the most important one.

She shakes her head. “I don't know. And neither did you. But your faith never once wavered. You believed in both. And you also believed in us. Because we're the key, Killian. Henry and I managed to escape the curse, and before we did, you and I made a promise to each other. We knew that if I could come back and win your love and get you to believe, that we could break the curse together. I didn't have faith that it would work, but you did. You and Henry. The two of you convinced me that this was the only way to save all our friends and loved ones. That's why I'm here, Killian. I'm here to save you. And then, together, we can save everyone else.”

His head aches with the impossibility of it all.

With every word she speaks, his heart wants more and more to believe her.

But curses? Magic? “I don't know what to say. How can I believe any of this? How?” The question is as much for himself as for her.

Emma takes a deep breath. “You have to take a leap of faith. That's what I did back in that other life, and the rewards were greater than I ever could have dreamed. I need you to do the same. We all need you to take that leap.”

“So now the entire town depends on me believing this impossible story?” He feels sick and anxious and confused and longing and wishing all at the same time. “I can't. I can't.”

He turns away from her. He needs a moment to collect himself.

Suddenly a bright white light blazes behind him. He spins around and gasps.

Emma's hands are outstretched, a swirling ball of light spinning over each of her cupped palms.

“What the bloody hell?” he murmurs.

Emma offers him a sad smile. “It's magic. Just like I said.”

He stares at the glowing lights.

Is this really happening? Can it possibly be true?

“See for yourself,” she says. She closes her fists and the lights vanish in an instant, letting darkness fall back over them – the only light coming from the moon and a distant street lamp. She pulls off her coat and shakes the sleeves at him. “Feel them. You won't find any hidden lights or electronics.”

He runs his fingers over the cuffs of the coat, turning them this way and that. He can't feel anything that could have produced that light.

“And see?” She tucks the coat under her arm and pushes up the sleeves of her sweater, rotating her hands and wrists in front of him. “Nothing there. And I had no idea we were coming to the park, so I couldn't have hidden anything here. This is real, Killian. Everything I told you is real. Just like the dreams.”

His breath catches in his throat. “How do you know about the dreams?”

Her eyes grow sad again. “I've been trying to send them to you. Trying to bring back your old memories in your sleep, when your mind isn't so closed to them.”

He runs his hand through his hair and stares at the ground. He feels like he's walking through a dream right now. She's shown him so much proof – his heart wants to believe her, but his mind still wants to reject her story.

“I don't know what to do,” he murmurs. “I don't even know what to think.”

Emma shakes her head. “You don't have to make your mind up about things tonight. This is a lot to take in – I get that. You need time. And I'll give you all the time you need. I'm not giving up on you. On us. I will stay here every day, answering every question you have for months if that's how long it takes. You never gave up on me. Not once. And I won't give up on you, either.” Tears shine in her eyes. Everything about this tells him that she is speaking the truth.

He shakes his head again. “I want to believe you. But I don't know how.”

She looks thoughtful for a moment, and then digs into the pocket of her coat and holds something out to him. “Take this. Please.”

After a moment of hesitation, he reaches out and takes it from her. It is an old leather tag with a gold medallion on one side and an embossed name on the other, “Jones.”

“What is this?” He turns it over and over in his fingers. Something about it feels achingly familiar.

“It was yours, in that other life,” Emma says. “You gave it to me as token of your trust, and a good luck charm. I've kept it near me ever since. You told me it used to belong to your brother, Liam.”

He swallows another breath. “I never told you about Liam.”

“Not in this life, you didn't.” She shakes her head, tears still standing unshed in her eyes. “But you did in the other one. I know how much he meant to you. That's why it was so powerful when you chose to give one of your last remaining tokens of his life to me.”

Killian squeezes the leather tag in his hand. “I feel like you're telling me the truth. But I can't wrap my head around it. Every ounce of rationality in me is telling me to reject what you're saying. But... I can't. Not completely.” He meets her eyes. “I truly don't know what to do.”

Emma squeezes her lips together and nods. “I understand. Just... try something for me.”

“What?” What more can she possibly ask of him than to believe this fantastical tale she's spinning.

“Hold that insignia while you're falling asleep, tonight. And, if you feel comfortable with it, pray about all this. Ask God to help you know what the truth is.” She shakes her head. “I never managed to share your faith in God, but I'm learning to understand it, and to respect it. Your faith never wavered, no matter what life threw at you. In all of your darkest moments you would turn to Him, and He would bring you peace. Now is one of those moments, Killian. Trust in your God, and in your heart, and in your faith, and you'll find the answers you're looking for. I believe that with all my heart.”

Killian swallows hard and clutches the insignia a little tighter. “Okay. I'll try. But I need some time to sort this out.”

“I understand,” she answers. “I'm fine walking home. Go ahead and be by yourself. Take your time to really think and pray about all of this. I believe in you.”

“Why?” he says. “Why do you believe in me?”

Her answering smile does little to hide her pain. “Because you always believed in me. Even when I couldn't.”

A moment from one of his dreams comes rushing back into his mind. In the dream Emma had asked him that same question – why did he believe in her. And he'd told her that she saved him.

That moment felt so real and so true when he dreamed it. And now she says she's here to save him again.

He nods. “Alright. I'll do as you ask. I'll meditate on everything you've told me. And I'll hold this insignia when I go to sleep. And when I'm ready to talk again, I'll get in touch.”

“Thank you,” she replies. “That's all I ask. Thank you.”

Her vulnerability in this moments makes him want to reach out to her – to take her in his arms, just like he did so many times in his dreams. But he holds back. He needs to take his time. She's asking him to believe something so outlandish... He needs to be sure.

Even so, he feels guilty as he drives away and leaves her standing alone in that darkened park.

~ ~ ~

Emma sits on a bench and stares out over the water.

It's done. Either he'll start to believe her, and they'll find a way to break this curse together, or he'll turn away from her, and that'll be the end of it.

Regardless of what he chooses, she's glad she took her own leap of faith and told him the truth. The only way they ever found real love and peace with each other was when they were being completely honest. He deserves this. They both do

The very fact that he's willing to listen and willing to think about it fills her with more hope than she's dared to have since she first arrived.

Even so, the hope won't make waiting any easier.

~ ~ ~

Back in his own home, Killian stares at the insignia in his hand. Though Emma only just gave it to him, it feels as familiar in his fingers as if he's held it hundreds of times.

The cognitive dissonance between what he knows of his life and what she is asking him to believe is so intense that he has no idea how to reconcile it. Yet, living as a man of faith in this day and age has already required him to reconcile a great deal of similar mental dissonance.

He overcame doubt for the sake of his faith – can he do it again for the sake of this woman he is rapidly falling in love with?

In the middle of his living room, the insignia still clutched in his hand, he falls to his knees and prays. He prays to know what is true, and to know how to follow his Father's will when nothing makes sense.

He doesn't know how long he pours his heart out in prayer, but he knows that by the time he's done, a sense of peace has settled over his heart. He may not have the answers today, but he knows that his Father heard him.

Somehow, the answers will come.

That night, he dreams more vividly than ever before.

A whole other life plays out in front of his eyes like a fast moving slide-show. He can see himself and all the people he knows moving through a life that he only vaguely recognizes. So much is the same, yet so different all at once.

After playing out weeks – even months – of events in fast forward, his mind slows.

He finds himself in Granny's Bed and Breakfast, sitting with a woman he doesn't recognize.

He hears his own words, and feels the truth of them as he speaks.

“I know it seems preposterous that a follower of Jesus Christ could believe himself to be a former denizen of a story-book realm populated by witches and fairies and a pantheon of gods. Believe me, I’ve struggled to reconcile my conflicting beliefs. I still struggle. But I also have faith that for some reason our Father chose to allow us to be transported to this land, where He and only He governs. We’re here, and in spite of the fantastical natures of our past lives, this is where our futures will play out. This isn’t easy for Neal to tell you, just like it isn’t easy for you to believe. But trust me – he’s taking a leap of faith in your relationship. Faith that after admitting this impossible truth to you, your relationship can become even stronger than when it was based on a much more comfortable lie. Give him a chance. Please.”

He knows in his gut that this woman didn't heed his advice, but here – in what must surely be a memory – he's not really speaking to her anymore.

He's speaking to himself, about Emma and everything she's told him. His own words are being played back to him, encouraging him to believe her, and to take the leap of faith that she is asking of him.

His mind fast-forwards through another series of dramatic events that feel foreign and familiar all at the same time, before once more slowing down.

He stands in the street in front of Granny's surrounded by friends. They all look frightened, and many have tears in their eyes.

Emma is there, and Henry stands beside her. The boy steps forward and calls out for the whole crowd to hear him, “There's another way. I know there is. You can let the curse take you, and then Emma can come and break it again. She's the Savior. That's what she does. We can wait outside the town line and then come back in and she can use true love's kiss to break it.”

The lad's voice rings with pure faith.

Was this how it happened? Is this how he and Emma parted ways?

Emma stands in front of him, tears rolling down her cheeks. “But what if you don't love me, next time? What if I'm not good enough?”

Killian faces her, holding her hand in his. Once again, he hears his own words playing back to him, and he feels the truth of them in his heart. “Emma, I promise you – no matter what magic muddles my mind, no matter what memories I lose, I know without a single doubt that I will always love you. Always.” He leans against her and feels tears sliding down his cheeks. His heart aches as if it's going to burst.

“How do you know?” Emma whispers.

“I have faith.”

Killian wakes up, the insignia still clutched in his hand.

He prayed for answers, and he thinks he's found them.

He dresses quickly and walks through town, still holding the insignia. Everywhere he goes he feels as if he can see shadow images of another time – another life.

In front of City Hall he remembers a crowd of nervous people and several first aid tents set up, where he and David and Ruby worked together to calm the unrest of the citizens.

Outside of Granny's he remembers standing, on several occasions, with Emma and their friends and family (How could they be family? And yet, he knows they are.) to celebrate successes or hastily plan for coming disasters.

Outside of Gold's shop his mind conjures an image of a violent magical battle between Gold a woman he knows to be Regina's mother.

And in front of the library, he remembers Emma crying over him as blood streams from the bullet-wound in his shoulder.

None of it happened in this lifetime, but something in his heart tells him that it did happen.

He steps into the library.

Belle looks up from the cart of books she's pushing. “Good morning, Killian! You're here early. I only just opened up.”

“Good morning,” he replies. “I, uh, woke up with something on my mind. Thought I'd come do a bit of research to sort it out.”

“Anything I can help with?” she asks.

Killian shakes his head. He remembers her. She turned to him again and again when she was struggling with her relationship with Gold. Gold had lied to her, but she still believed in him. Still believed that he could be a good man.

Killian hadn't always agreed with her, but in the end, he came to hope that she was right. He feels it in his gut.

He shakes his head. “No. I'll manage on my own.”

“Okay. Let me know if you need anything,” she says, and then pushes her cart back between some stacks.

Killian turns to face the wall in front of him. Feeling along it with his fingers, he finds a crack in the panel, and pushes. The wall easily slides to the side, revealing an antique service elevator behind it.

This is where he sent Emma to fight a dragon with nothing but a sword in her hands. This is where he prayed with all his might the she be protected, and that Henry be protected.

And they were.

“My God!” Belle exclaims from behind him. She rushes forward. “How did you know this was here? I've been in charge of this library for months and I never once noticed anything odd about that wall.”

“I don't remember how,” he says. “I just woke up with the thought in my mind that I needed to check it out. And here it is.” The final, tangible proof that all his shadow memories have a basis in truth. It's right here in front of him.

Belle babbles on, wondering what's down there and how to figure it out. He mumbles something about talking to Regina and David that seems to pacify her, and then he strides back onto the street and heads toward the Sheriff's station. It's time to talk to Emma.

~ ~ ~

Emma has been out of sorts all morning. She barely slept last night with all her nerves on high alert. It hadn't helped that Regina pestered her for details as soon as she got home last night. She'd had to insist, “When there is something to tell, I'll tell you,” and then locked herself in her room, hungry and anxious.

David has commented on her jumpiness several times already, and it's only just past nine.

When Killian suddenly strides in, his hair mussed and his eyes wild with excitement, she nearly falls off her chair.

“Whoa – you okay over there?” David asks.

“Yeah. I'm fine,” she lies, her eyes going to Killian.

“G'morning,” he says. “I was wondering if I could borrow Emma for a bit? There's something we need to talk about.”

David looks back and forth between them with a smirk. “Sure. You two go have your talk. I don't mind Emma taking an early break.”

Emma blinks. Already? He's already ready to talk? “Okay. Sure.”

Her heart races as she grabs her jacket and follows him outside. Killian gestures for her to follow and heads toward the nearest woodsy patch, so they'll be out of the public eye.

A million questions are on the tip of her tongue, but she can't seem to get any of them out.

Killian looks as wound up as she feels. He comes to a stop and musses his hair for a second before speaking. “I did it. I held that insignia all night, and prayed my heart out, and answers poured forth out of Heaven.” He shakes his head in disbelief, his eyes wide. “Emma – I'm starting to remember.”

She feels dizzy with shock. “You are? Really?”

“Yes.” He wears a bewildered smile. “Those dreams – you were right. They were memories. They felt so real. The dreams were the main reason I avoided you last week. Those dreams were overwhelming me. I didn't know what to make of them. At times they felt more real than the life I was living. And that's because they were, weren't they?”

“Yes,” she replies, a smile growing on her face.

“And last night in my dream it was as if I watched months of my life pass before my eyes in fast forward. I can't remember all the details – a lot of it is still a blur. But it was there. Another life – just like you said.” He shakes his head and looks around them as if he's seeing their surroundings for the first time.

Emma's heart races. She's only seen him this excited and happy a handful of times. She wants nothing more than to throw her arms around him and hold him close. But she needs to make sure he's ready. “Do you remember the people in your life? The ones you were close to?”

He nods slowly. “I remember David and Mary Margaret. They're your family, somehow?”

“Yes.” She nods.

“And – and Gold. He and I... we were enemies. But I think I was trying to forgive him for something. Trying to help him and Belle find happiness together.” He looks into the near distance, as if trying to look at the memories he describes.

“Yes,” she said again, a laugh of wonder escaping her mouth.

“And Gold did something to save the life of Henry's dad. Didn't he?” Killian asks.

Emma nods. “Yes. Henry's dad is Gold's son. Henry is Gold's grandson.”

Killian's eyes are wide. “Extraordinary. And... and we were trying to help Regina, somehow, too. But – it was her mother. Her mother did this to us. Didn't she?”

“It's really happening,” Emma murmurs. “You're really remembering.”

He nods. “I am. You were right to tell me, Emma. I know how terrified you must have been – but telling the truth was exactly what we needed.”

She finds herself smiling so hard that her cheeks ache.

Killian leans toward her. “And I remember something else. I remember us.”

Emma's heart starts to race, and she inches toward him. “What do you remember?”

He holds her gaze, his eyes intent. “I remember sending you to fight a dragon, and praying desperately for your safety. I remember caring for your son as if he were my own flesh and blood. I remember being hurt and bleeding, and you crying for me. I remember you saving me. I remembering losing you and getting you back. I remember holding you... kissing you...” His voice grows softer and he leans even closer. “Emma – I don't remember everything. There's so much I still don't know. But I do know something – something that's been growing inside of me ever since you came to town, and something that has grown more powerful and real with every dream I had. I love you, Emma.”

~ ~ ~

Killian hadn't planned this confession. He'd only just begun to admit this truth to himself this morning.

But when the words slip from his lips, he means them with all of his heart and soul.

Emma's answering smile glows like the sun, and her eyes shine with tears. “I love you, too, Killian. I love you.”

And then her arms are around him and her head is buried against his shoulder, and when he hugs her back it feels like coming home.

He feels so much – it fills him from heel to head. But shadow memories aren't enough. He wants more. He wants it back – every memory and every moment that was taken from him.

“Emma,” he murmurs into her hair. “I prayed to know the truth, and now I've found it.”

He pulls back enough to look into her eyes.

She's grinning even as tears roll down her cheeks.

“What do we do now?” he asks. “How do we finish it? How do we break this bloody curse once and for all?”

Emma sucks in a deep breath and her tongue briefly darts out to lick her lips. “Together. We do it together.”

He knows without being told exactly what he needs to do next.

He leans his head forward, and kisses her.

The world fills with glorious light and a shock wave of magic flows out from them.

And in that instant, it all comes flooding back – every moment of every lifetime that he's lived. From the younger Jones brother to the Lieutenant to Captain Jones with Milah at his side to his fight with the Crocodile and his centuries of exile in Neverland followed by his final attempt at vengeance and finally his life as a simple priest, until Emma walked into his life.

He remembers.

Tears of joy fill his eyes and he looks down at her, her own tears still wetting her cheeks.

“We did it, Emma. I'm back. It's true love.”

“True love,” she whispers, and then laughs. “We did it!”

She grips the back of his neck and pulls him in for another kiss. He revels in it – nothing in life will ever be sweeter – and lifts her into the air, spinning them both in a circle.

She laughs again as he lowers her back to her feet. “I love you, Killian.”

“And I love you, Emma,” he replies, knowing that he'll love her until the end of time.

With his thoughts he sends a silent prayer of gratitude heavenward. Never in his life would he have thought himself worthy of such a blessing.

“I have to call Henry and Neal,” Emma says. “And Regina! She's been going crazy with Henry living with Neal. And my parents!”

“We have time to find all of them,” Killian replies. “We have all the time in the world.”

She grins, looking more beautiful than ever. “Yeah. We do.”

Killian doesn't know what the future will hold. Given their track record in Storybrooke so far, another disaster is probably just around the bend. But he doesn't care. They've faced the worst, and made it through to the other side.

Whatever this world throws at them, they can handle it. Because they'll do it together.

He's found his happy ending, and he's never letting go.