#oruphes

@oruphes​ ❝ history repeats itself. ❞

“ it’s a vicious cycle and all; it won’t stop for a really long while, ” the vessel admits as he swirls the spoon held by his fingers around aimlessly. the amount of sugar and milk added to what would have been his usual cup of black coffee doesn’t show his reflection; it’s a pool of light brown and white. “ a reincarnation of things that hold us back. ” he ticks his spoon against the side of his cup and then puts it next to his glass.

  here’s the thing about guilt : you don’t get to choose who carries it. it chooses its own shoulder to lie on. it chooses that itself.

  here’s the thing about the dark hour : sometimes, there are still people. sometimes, when you’ve been trained to hunt everything that moves, sometimes the blood that flashes through the air is warm and red and sometimes you are not a hero, or a good person. sometimes you are just a killer.

this is what happens here. a man moves, makes a scream of terror that maybe could be the scream of a shadow, and both you and minato’s heads turn with a flash, and your bullets thud against a car the second after minato’s sword lands in the man’s chest with a solid thunk. 

 they said the weapons only worked on shadows. but you all knew better. 

 a silence hangs in the air, so heavy everything feels smothered. if you could taste, you would taste red on you. if you could feel, you would feel salt on your skin. if you could smell, you would smell the warmth of it. if you could do anything but see, but see and hear, see the man falling, and hear his final screams, see the way minato’s face closes up, and the way his voice cracks slightly, maybe you’d be a better person.

 you hear it a lot. this is so fucked up, yukari spits, sometimes, hands shaking as she pulls the trigger on the gun pressed against her forehead. this is fucked! junpei howls. 

 you are fucked up, you think, because however sad you are about the man who died, you are sadder about how awful minato looks in the green light of the dark hour, face smoothed over with a porcelain mask that you want to smash against the ground until it breaks, and hold his face in your hands until he knows its safe to cry around you. 

 you are fucked up, you think, because if you had been one second earlier, you could have the heavy guilt of murder on your hands, you, the machine, the one who doesn’t matter as much, the one who’s not really alive. you’ve killed before. when you weren’t quite yourself, you sunk bullets into bodies on the command of the higher ups of the kirijo group. your hands are already stained.

 you weren’t fast enough to save minato from guilt. so maybe he would have thought the same thing, if you had been fast enough. he doesn’t know that you are already a blood red knife in someone’s back. explaining it to him, explaining your own lack of life, how you don’t really exist, and never really have, and it’s okay for you to be the sacrificial lamb here. 

 because you are an object, and he is alive. and he is wonderful. and you love him. you love him more than the one on the ground there and his life, whatever it was like. you love him more than you thought you could love anyone or anything. 

 and the end is coming soon. so this is useless. you are all going to die, and it will be fine. the man’s death will have been meaningless, and so will have your feelings for minato, and the blood, the blood all over the two of you.

 and you step forward, move careful, like you’re moving towards a wounded animal ( in many ways, you are ) , and press a hand up against his face, as careful as you can be, as careful as he deserves you to be, and wipe the blood off of him. 

 “ it was not your fault. ” you say, voice crackling slightly. you don’t know what else to say: someone made us this way, someone turned us into these, someone built us into blood hungry beasts from the ground up for the good fo humanity, or the world, or something. 

  you love humans, because you were made that way, but you think you love minato arisato more. 

 it’s not fair, that you are who you are. it’s not fair, that he is who he is either. none of you are in a fair situation. but that’s fine. you are lucky to know him at all, even like this, killers covered in blood, in an hour of the day that does not exist, waiting for a god or a monster or something similar to end the world. 

 you wish you could cry right now. 

 you smile instead, soft and as gentle and kind as you can be, and pull back, take his hand between two of yours, wishing, desperately, you could feel it.

 “ let’s go back. we will go get cleaned up. i’ll be right there with you, okay? i won’t leave you. i promise. ” you are firm. there is no question. you pull him away from the body on the floor, blood everywhere, and a man’s hopes and dreams and life strewn everywhere like flowers on the floor.

  it’s a simple day . it’s the weekend  -  no school, homework done. you sit around in the common room. there’s something buzzing on the tv. you can’t really be bothered to notice - white noise humming in the background. there’s something peaceful in the air, something serene and gentle. you like it here. you are, you realise, happy. and there’s a lot of reasons why. first : you have many friends, all of them unique and wonderful in their own ways. second : you have reasons to live and breathe and move around with purpose. third : minato is sitting on the couch beside you. 

        there is much to be grateful for. 

send me a  ✿  and i’ll fill out the template below. bold for things i could definitely see or want, italics for things i could see or am unsure of and striked out for things i don’t want or cannot see.

FRIENDSHIP.     childhood friends  /  work buddies or coworkers  /  family friends  /  friends with benefits  /  smoking buddies  /  adventure buddies  /  fake friends  /  recently friends  /  party buddies  /  friendship of need  /  dying friendship  /  circumstantial friendship  /  partners in crime  /  old friendship  /  [ your muse ] is the good influence  /  [ your muse ] is the bad influence  /  [ my muse ] is the good influence  /  [ my muse ] is the bad influence  /  opposites attract  /  ride or die  /  frenemies  /  roommates or flatmates  /  penpals  /  exes to friends  /  enemies to friends  /  other .

ROMANCE.     childhood sweethearts  /  [ your muse is mines ] childhood crush  /  [ my muse is yours ] childhood crush  /  exes  /  exes to lovers  /  forbidden lovers  /  highschool sweethearts  /  secret relationship  /  opposites attract  /  long distance  /  unrequited [ from your muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from my muses side ]  /  unrequited [ from both sides ]  /  skinny love  /  friends to lovers  /  enemies to lovers  /  spurious relationship  /  power couple  /  newly entered  /  soulmates [ metaphorical ]  /  soulmates  [ literal ]  /  awkward  /  turning toxic  /  toxic love  /  cheating [ on your muse ]  /  cheating [ with your muse ]  /  other .

FAMILIAL.     siblings [ half ]  /  siblings [ step ]  /  [ my muse ] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure  /  [ my muse ] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse  /  [ my muse ] is a parental figure to yours  /  [ my muse ] is a child figure to your muse  /  guardian figure  /  legal guardian  /  adoptive child  /  foster child  /  [ your muse ] is taken under mines wing  /  [ my muse ] is taken under yours wing  /  other .

[ imessage → cool guy finger snaps ] do you listen to mcr???

[ imessage → cool guy finger snaps ] lol 

[ imessage → cool guy finger snaps ] asking for a friend