I absolutely love my eyes like this 😍
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I absolutely love my eyes like this 😍

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Here's a selfie of me because why not ^.^
Here. Have another photo of my eye colour.
It's my son's first birthday today 💙💔
Dear unborn son
Your father and I already have your name picked out for you. A strong name. Your name will officially be William Isaac Odin Kelley the day you enter this world. Right now, mommy is 20 weeks pregnant with you and I can already feel you moving. You like to roll a lot. Your dad already loves you very much. He likes to touch mommy's tummy whenever I say that you're moving. He's felt you a few times. Your mom loves you very much already too. I loved you from the day I got the news. I like feeling you move around in my belly. It's comforting and reassuring. It lets me know that you're okay. I went to the hospital because me and daddy were scared. It hurt really bad where you are in my belly and I was bleeding too. I got some news that night in the e.r.... I learned that my cervix is thin and that I just might lose you. I love my little boy though and am willing to do anything to make sure that you will be okay. I learned that I might have to stop working that night too. Mommy might be put on bed rest. But I'll do anything if it means that I will get to keep you. I had an emergency visit with my doctor the next day. Daddy couldnt come with. I cried when the doctor came in. She told me I will probably lose you. She told me that I have to make sure that I eat well and often, take my vitamin and take it easy too. Even then there might not be much the doctors can do... I have to go see a special doctor soon. They will tell me how I can help you. I love my William and am so scared of losing you. I will do anything to make sure my baby is okay. Mommy's really scared, baby. I think daddy is too. I haven't told daddy how scared I am of losing you... I think he might know though. I love you, William. Your daddy does too and we hope that we're blessed enough to keep you. Love, mommy...

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When I was younger I was able to write such heart-wrenching things. I could write a poem that could make your heart sing Or even cringe in pain. Now as I look back, Much older than I was back then, I realize I can barely hold a pen To what I used to write. Such painfully beautiful words Enveloped in a world of pain. Now I realize that back then, I was much worse than I am now And I find myself thinking "Where was I mentally? That messed up? How?" And then I realize. All the boys, The pills, The drugs. Everything was getting messed up. The pain, The sorrow, The hurt. I don't know what screwed me up worse. Maybe it was the cutting? The puking? The self-deprecating? Regaress I don't write as beautifully As I once did. That makes me sad to realize, But even worse when I think Of how bad I used to be mentally. Oh, how I wish that I could once again write so beautifully.
so my boyfriend and i recently discovered World of Warcraft. it is the most fun i've had in awhile. gaming with boyfriend is pretty fucking awesome xD
Let me slit my wrists one last time,
Let me commit this final crime.
Maybe I can finally shine.
Maybe death will finally be mine.
~E.S.