dad picked up coffee and hot chocolate for us at a coffee shop where according to him the patrons ahead of him were so pretentious they made Portland look normal

oregonians love saying shit like just go to your local secondhand art supply store. just go to your local bakery/cafe/market (all in one). the weekly farmers market. the store that sells exclusively olive oil.

i should have roomed with a fellow texan tbh my roommate lived here all her life and every time I'm like "i have an extra x if you need it" she's like "it's okay I have my organic pasture-raised free-range locally sourced fair trade michelin star ODOT-issued hemp rope x instead" and it's turning out to be a really bad moral ocd trigger

and if i said voodoo doughnut is overrated

another fun thing that happened a couple weeks ago is i was in the grocery store and i overheard someone reading a label and exclaiming "it has PRESERVATIVES" in such a scandalized tone that I don't think that person knows what preservatives are or what they do

there are no fucking dunkin donuts here because we have dutch bros for coffee and voodoo donut for donuts, how can they compete with that?