#orb rafal

Lately, I have been thinking of this kid a lot more. Though, today, the thought of him made me sad all the more with each second passing by.

Growing up as an orphan, he had to rationalize his situation. He had to make sense of what he has been through to be able to handle it. His rationality had become a defense mechanism.

He does not concern himself with the rules of society. Hell, he does not even understand why people act in the 'irrational' manner that they do. Because of this, he never knew how to make other people understand him but despite it all, he still conformed to the norm and behaved the way he was expected to.

We can see this when Potocki tells him to stop astronomy - he does not object. Also, when Potocki tells on him to Nowak, Rafal does not seem too surprised, understanding that the norm should be followed no matter what, given the fact that he was like that prior to meeting Hubert.

But despite all that, given the fact that he spoke to Nowak about beauty and inspiration so openly means that he had noticed all that was wrong with what he learned. It is evident after all that he knew, since the model seemed to not make sense at times.

Therefore, there was always this mindset of his in the back of his brain, thinking of this world as beautiful, with endless possibilities, with things that are yet to be known.

I just think that his liberation from the conservative beliefs people of the 15th century held was a beautiful thing to witness but it also saddens me that someone with so much wonder, had to hold back from pursuing the unknowns that his heart was after.