I suppose Rehab just wasn’t for me, wasn’t my time. That’s all. For those who don’t know yet I was discharged from treatment last Saturday (8/2/19) because I relapsed. I spent the weekend with a friend which I’m still incredibly greatful for, who is going to come see me soon.
So let’s be honest. I spent 4 days back on it. One of those days I spent smoking crack & smack. But I’ve been clean & sober again for 3 days now - been going to meetings. I have a lot to sort out, it’s not going to be easy. I still face homelessness & money problems but I’m clean. I’m not who I was 4 months ago & I refuse to ever be dependant again. I have learnt so much & none of that has gone to waste. I’m currently sat in a flat, in a city I swore I never wanted to come back to because it would kill me. But in all honesty? I’m okay, I feel okay, I’m doing okay & I’m sober. Everything is fixable, everything. But that relies on me staying sober & never burrying my head in the sand again.
I refuse to go back to who I was 4 months ago. It was miserable, depressing, lonely. Nothing to live for. Drinking from the moment I woke up until the moment I blacked out & doing any drugs I could get my hands on. The weekend was fun but I know that fun doesn’t last. I don’t regret leaving Rehab, I don’t regret relapsing. A part of me feels glad to be home, back to where I belong with people who love & care about me.
Onwards & upwards :)
