#opkay

A year earlier

Goodnight usually means goodbye

The both of them were laid out on the king sized bed of their hotel room wearing nothing but their boxers, basking in the glow of the city outside their window. They did this a lot, Zayn and Liam. Spending days cooped up in their hotel room too busy being wrapped up in their own little world to worry about anything else. They did this when it all became too much, when it was all too overwhelming for them to handle. When the cameras and the questions and the performing were suffocating. They weren't ungrateful, not at all. Just a bit worried that they were being pushed too hard too fast. That one day, one of them would finally snap.

But it was these moments, when all they craved was each other. Because why would the rest matter when you have your whole world just a heartbeat away?

And that's what Liam thought when he looked at the sleeping figure beside him, with his long eyelashes and pouty lips, his chest rising and falling with each breath.

For some reason, Liam felt more attentive than usual, soaking in everything that was Zayn. From the curve of his nose, the colour of his lips, the sharp angle of his jaw littered with short coarse hairs that he loved to feel against his own when they kissed.

There was just something about tonight that seemed so final.

Liam didn’t want to think about it.

He got up reluctantly from the warmth of their bed, his feet padding across the hardwood floor to the bathroom. He splashed some cold water on his face, looking up at himself in the mirror.

He wondered what life would’ve been like if he wasn’t Liam Payne, one fifth of the biggest boy band in the planet. If fate would’ve had him meet the sleeping boy in the next room over.  If maybe he did decide to go to university even if he didn’t feel like he was the brightest.

“Liam?” Zayn called.

“I’m in the bathroom.”

Liam made his way back to see Zayn’s hunched over figure, the sheets pooling around his waist.

“Hey,” he called out softly, climbing back into bed. He wrapped his arms around Zayn’s slender waist, his chin resting on his shoulder. He loved the way they fit together, Liam’s brought chest against Zayn’s wiry frame. He loved the beautiful contrast of their skin tones, the way their tattoos seemed to blend together into one work of art.

Zayn hummed in reply, his gazed focused on the outside world. He got like this a lot. Reserved, too caught up in his own thoughts, too scared to talk about what was going on inside. But Liam knew how to deal with it by now. He knew that Zayn just needed time to figure out his own thoughts. He didn’t like to have his words pried out of him and Liam knew better than to do that. So they sat together watching the bright lights of the city, their breathing synched as one. And he waited.

His eyes started to droop when sleep finally took over. He made himself comfortable in the sea of pillows and blankets, bringing Zayn along with him.

He couldn’t tell the difference between reality and his dreams when he heard his small voice. “I can’t do this anymore, Liam.”

His breathing hitched while his mind raced. Was he quitting the band? Was he leaving him? He thought back to any moment that might’ve given Zayn’s feelings away. Why didn’t he see any signs?

His sheer exhaustion made him unable to speak, to say something to Zayn. Whether if this was a dream or not. He wanted to wrap him in his arms and tell him that it would be okay, that Liam honestly could not continue on without him. This was their dream, their passion.

His sleep induced fear and shock were too much, as if he was glued to the bed. Zayn kissed his cheek for what seemed to be the last time and said. “Goodnight.”

He was frozen, unable to move as he tried to reach for Zayn’s hand one more time. Zayn humored him for a few seconds, his fingers slipping between his own before he let go to wipe at the tears forming in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” Zayn said with a broken sob, his slim figure retreating in the darkness.

And in that moment, Liam knew that part of himself had walked out of that room that night, never to return. His arms and legs felt like lead, cold seeping into his veins making him unable to go after him.