#ope!

Since you're anonymous I have no idea how much press you've listened to, what fandom spaces you're a part of, whether you're a T/R shipper or not, whether I'm friends with you or not, etc. So I'm going to write this without worrying about offending you and just go for it from the heart, haha.

The press has been a little bit of a rollercoaster for me, especially in terms of Hannah Waddingham's remarks about why she sees more longevity in relationships that aren't just the typical romantic/sexual route, and some of the other writer-actors' (Jason, Brendan, Brett) statements about audience expectation and their awareness of fandom preferences vs. the intentions of the story they're telling. I've actually loved a lot of what they've said, and I've been really frustrated by some people in the fandom calling Hannah an idiot for being tired of all the romance questions or for daring to call those expectations social conditioning when to me they very much are social conditioning. (Even if romance can also be a deep and beautiful thing! I don't feel like she's saying romance is lame! She's saying it's frustrating to zoom in on this one thing and value it above all others! And as a result of her saying that people have said awful things about her personal life and intelligence and that's absolutely uncool!)

I think it's completely possible that these interviews are at least in part about setting realistic expectations that a canonical romantic and sexual relationship between T/R isn't something we are gonna see on our TVs. I don't think these answers are coyness or lies. Really grappling with that possibility has bummed me out a bit more than I expected it to, honestly. I think a T/R romance would be super beautiful and wonderful and would make perfect sense within the larger story being told here.

That being said, I also think it's true that none of the press we've seen so far has explicitly spoiled any endings of this show. I don't feel like the interviewees are being coy and winking to fans, but I also think they've all carefully prepared ways of speaking about this show because they know the barrage of questions they'll face and they want to protect their story. When reporters directly ask if the relationship will be canon, they speak to expectations and societal structures and the soulmate connection between these characters without revealing any plot points. When the writers or actors have gotten more opinionated about the possibility of romance, it's often in the context of questions about fandom expectations or what is "expected" or "unexpected" about the story, and I think it's completely fair and understandable to express genuine frustration for the obsessive, repeat nature of those types of questions when there are so many other things these people would probably love to discuss about their writing and acting choices. They're all smart people who are extremely close to each other and have spent years constructing this story, and I can see myself responding to the repetition and surface-level stuff in a similar manner.

We know there's gonna be a huge component of Ted deciding what his commitment to AFC Richmond is and how his relationship with his son and his feelings about the family he's left behind impact that decision. We know they're setting up storylines in which other characters are learning how to coach, learning how to balance the emotional side and the tactical side. We know this is a story that simultaneously grapples with "leaving well"/letting go/why quitting isn't always bad AND with the complications of space AND with why burying or running away from your emotions while they fester inside you for 30 years is, um, bad. We know the writers have not deviated from their original plans for any of these characters even as they've rewritten and redefined certain things about this season. And we know the writers and actors all agree that Ted and Rebecca are divinely connected even if they've said many kinda contradictory things about what form that takes.

Even knowing all that, I think it's still possible that T/R will be a factor in s3 in a romantic and sexual sense. I have basically prepared myself to not see it on screen, but every time I watch the actual show I'm watching a show that sets up delicate, beautiful connecting points for these characters with intention and purpose. Which is awesome no matter what. If they don't go the romantic route onscreen, I think we'll still be watching a meaningful relationship that is full of possibilities (especially since s3 canon will end in, like, spring 2022, not spring 2058 or something). Some of the choices they've made are things that I'd probably only write if I was setting up a canonical romance, but if a romance doesn't happen within the show I don't think that means those choices were inconsequential or, worse, designed specifically to torment and make fun of fans. This is a show that is loving towards its audience but removed from its audience.

One of the first posts I made about this show was a straightbaiting joke. That seems extra funny now, knowing what I know. As a queer woman who has mostly been involved in fandoms as a femslash shipper up to this point, I can say that a lot of the shipping culture around this show and around M/F ships in general makes me really uncomfortable. I watch the joy of the show drain away from people as they focus deeper and deeper on "Tedbecca" (even to the point of ridiculing people for shipping other stuff or not understanding why it could be a fun exercise to write fic about people who will never be together in canon...which...what? the queer history of fandom didn't happen for canon-or-bust to be such a prevailing attitude!). I even feel some of that drain myself, being in an interesting place as an enthusiastic multi-shipper who just so happens to love T/R (and want to see it happen in canon) to the point of modding a whole discord about it. I love T/R and I love that it feels like a thing that is real and true in the text, and that is something I've rarely gotten to be invested in textually speaking as a queer woman accustomed to living off little subtextual crumbs. This show makes me feel both privileged and desperate.

The whole T/R thing, and the literal years of suspense it's implanted in my brain, has been a really fascinating journey for me. I can honestly say I've never had a suspended state of suspense and wonder about a single topic for this long before. I've waited for other things for this long, but they've all been matters in my personal life that I had some level of control over. Even things like election cycles take less time than this. I think the healthiest thing to do in this situation is to protect each of our viewing experiences and to respect that we're watching the creation of artists who are brilliant and lovely and fallible. To take what serves us from the text and continue to play with it all in our own spaces.

Watching 3x1 was a fuckin' delight of an experience that reminded me why I love this show and why I'm willing to experience the lows and highs of disappointments and joys in a way that just feels a lot more raw than basically any viewing experience or fandom experience I've ever had in the past with anything.