#oops repost

you never knew when kaneki would return.

you never knew if kaneki would return.

sometimes he vanished for days on end, weeks, even. he always told you not to worry, that he was fine and that he would come back eventually. yeah, you'd heard that before, and suddenly your lover came back as a ghoul after leaving you worried for weeks. adapting to said change had cost you so much, and his habit of disappearing got so much worse.

but he was right about one thing; he always came back.

sometimes he returned and he was genuinely fine. you didn't want to know what he had been up to, but he didn't seem too damaged by it – mentally and physically.

sometimes he returned and pretended to be okay. you always saw right through him when this happened. yet, no matter how hard you would pry, he wouldn't open up.

sometimes it was barely even kaneki who returned, as the empty shell of the boy you loved showed up on your doorstep in the ungodliest hours of the night. whether his injuries were physical or mental, he couldn't even begin to pretend he was fine, tears staining his cheeks as he stumbled over to you.

tonight prove itself to be the latter.

it had been three weeks since you had last heard from your beloved ghoul, and you had given up to wait for him every night before you went to sleep. it was pointless, for you could never tell when he would come back.

hence, you went to sleep like you normally did tonight, barely thinking about kaneki's absense as you had gotten used to it at this point. there was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary as you crawled under your duvets and went to sleep, until a sudden sound shook you from slumber. you sat disoriented for a moment, until you recognized the sound of your window creaking open. hope filled your entire being, and you were wide awake in an instant. kicking off your blankets, you went to the window and opened the blinds to make his entrance a little easier.

but the sight that greeted you wrenched your heart.

physically he seemed fine, skillfully jumping through the windowsil and landing in your bedroom with ease. however, when you saw his face, even in the darkness, the true depth of last weeks' scars became apparent. you didn't know what he had gone through, as he didn't like to talk about it, but it was obvious that it broke him.

"kaneki," you whispered, stumbling backward a little when the half-ghoul flung his arms around you in utter despair. he was tearing at the seams, finally breaking now that he was safe in your arms.

he was crying, tears trickling down his face and staining the fabric of the t-shirt you wore. sobs racked his body, shaking the broken boy to a point where it was getting hard for him to breathe properly. you had seen this many times before, yet it still broke your heart every time it happened.

"kaneki, love," you repeated, a little firmer this time. you peeled his ridid body off of yours for a moment to look at him properly. quickly scanning his features for any injuries, your eyes ran up and down his being. much to your relief, nothing caught your eye and you quickly hugged him tightly again.

you didn't ask questions, you didn't demand answers. you were pretty sure kaneki would answer whatever you asked, but you didn't want to know about his ghoul-ish business – that likely involved human consumption and other horrors. yes, you had accepted your lover's half-ghoul side, but that didn't mean you wanted all the ins and outs of his new life.

ignorance was bliss.

however, you still cared about him deeply, and seeing kaneki completely miserable like that made an iron hand clasp your heart, squeezing tightly until it was getting hard to breathe.

"you're with me, kaneki," you spoke softly into his ear. "you are safe and no one is coming here to harm you."

now it was kaneki who looked at you through the tears that clung to his lashes. the pain in his eyes was obvious, but he still cared about you more than he cared about himself.

"i woke you, didn't i?" he muttered, voice already a little hoarse from the sobs that hurt his throat.

"yes, but i'm glad you did," you countered gently. "you don't have to suffer on your own. i am here for you, love."

"mhm," kaneki hummed, melting into your touch. his breathing was labored, and you could tell his throat was being squeezed by unkempt emotions.

"c'mere," you urged softly, removing yourself from the embrace to pull him over towards your bed.

the half-ghoul looked like a kicked puppy when you broke the hug, but as soon as he understood your intentions he came with you obediently. his motions were ridig with tension, and he was way too pliant for your liking. whatever happened in the time he was away, it seriously messed with him.

you sat down on the edge of your bed, pulling him with you. the mattress dipped underneath your combined weight, and you were quick to lay down and get comfortable. lifting the covers invitingly, you asked for kaneki to join you in bed – which he gladly did.

he shuffled closer to you until his back was tightly pressed against your chest, and he released a deep breath when your arms wrapped around him from behind. he made himself as small as possible, trying to inch even closer to you – though it was physically impossible. the ghoul fit so perfectly against you, as if you were two pieces meant to mesh together.

kaneki's sole purpose was to survive, there was barely any room for some leeway. he always had to be on guard, putting up a tough act and not show any weakness. that was his life.

only when he was with you, he could let his inner battles roam freely. only when he was with you, he could be himself. only when he was with you, he could be small and safe.

your chin rested atop his head – that was how small he had made himself. he was almost completely quiet now, and you assumed his tears had ceased. he was breathing normally; kaneki had calmed down for a big part already, the magic of your presence, your touch, your soothing voice that was filled with love towards him.

kaneki was a monstruous humanoid, commiting atrocities left and right, ending the lives of innocent people in order to keep himself alive, leaving a trail of bloodshed and demise. it uses to be hard to look past that, but you had soon realized it had never been his choice. life could be cruel to some, and kaneki was one of its victims. cursed to rely on human flesh to survive, no matter how much he didn't want to.

acceptance would be an overstatement. you'd never approve of his lifestyle, no matter how much it was beyond his power. but you knew you had to live with it if you wanted to live with your lover.

it was an easy choice.

the boy in your arms had fallen asleep, finally finding peace. you pressed a kiss to the top of his head, pale strands of hair tickling your skin. you'd always be his safe haven, you would try not to judge him for his foul actions, you'd shower him with love and kindness. kaneki might have been a monster, the monsters and demons that pestered his mind were far worse.

but he was safe with you, he was loved by you, and he knew. that's why he always came back. you were his everything in a world that gave him nothing but misery. you were his remedy when the world tore him down once more.

kaneki always acted tough, but he showed you who he really was; a boy, way too troubled for his age, bent down by the weight of the harsh world he got caught up in, a broken soul who just needed a little love.

and you'd give it to him, over and over again.