#oops im drunk

i create my own problems but at least i fix them

Ever realize you dont know how to be physically affectionate?? Like when I had a mental breakdown about my own traumatic past a while back my closest friends -my family- hugged me and cuddled me in order to comfort me, and earlier tonight, my bro leaned his head on my shoulder and lowkey cuddled up to my side, which is very nice physical affection. But I dont know how to be physically affectionate. My family never was, I hug my parents once every time I see them (which is more than i did before i moved- which was like once a year, if that) and like never before that, when was the last time I curled up to my mothers side, or casually draped my legs over hers like my friends do? I wonder if that's why past relationships have failed? Because I don't know how to touch? Because I dont like to? Do I like to? It never bad if someone curls against me, but having to express myself to others is awful, I'd rather someone be uncomfortated and crying than me try and hug them. I just dont know how. and I hate my body so much I dont want to actively force it on others, or have anyone lean against me most times. Why am I so awful at this?

Made it to 2020 lads

reputation: the drinking game

attempting to write. how's that going? it's not.

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