🍃 + bennett: What would they have to do to get your muse to be more trusting towards them?
A long, deep sigh escaped the blonde as her eyes darted around the room, looking for soft place to land. There were questions she was prepared to answer--that she had prepped and rehearsed her whole life. Questions about her momma, her father, the incident, her leaving, Mr. Worthington--but never Bennett. Bennett was always someone on her side. Or least, not against her--and at one point in her life, they were one in the same thing. She never felt like she ever had to defend herself against him--he’d never done anything particularly wrong to her (apart from what brother always do to their younger siblings--though it wasn’t exactly something that bothered Magnolia very much to begin with).
But then Momma sent her away and things...changed. She didn’t hear from him--but what could she have expected? Charlotte Barnes controlled everything in her perfect little life, and when she couldn’t, it was sent away. So no doubt she had done the same with him. But even so, her heart hurt to think that she hadn’t been important enough for him to rebel against those stupid rules. Then again--it wasn’t like she had reached out to him either. The door swings both ways, Magnolia. Chewing her lip, she tucked a piece of her hair behind her hear.
“I never said I don’t trust my brother,” Her tone felt harder than most other times she spoke--but she had recognized that talking about her family would always have a certain painful quality about it, at least in the beginning. But she took a breathe and tried to relax--she could answer this question. “It’s complicated. Very complicated. But I never said I don’t trust him.
“I just--I spent fifteen years of my life thinking not a single soul in my family cared about me, thought about me or remembered I even existed. And yes, I should have reached out--but I was already rejected once, what could I safely assume could happen if I tried again? It’s not something a person can handle multiple times. I’m not strong enough for that. People think I’m brave or strong or whatever, but I’m--I’m really not. Not like that. I can only handle so much from my family before I just...can’t anymore. Bennett’s my older brother, he’s like this...beacon--or was--and I felt really...it really hurt when he sided with Momma.” Quieter now, she played with her fingers as she thought. “Y’know, I used to write him stories all the time, as his Christmas present. Before Mrs. Whetstone taught me to bake, all I really had was writing. I wasn’t good with my hands in creating things but I always could write something and people seemed to enjoy it. Or at least I did. So I’d write Bennett stories--sometimes about him being a hero or a funny situation or anything, anything at all. And for Christmas--the one day of the year that the Barnes household was normal--I’d give the story to him. Sometimes it would take me all year to write it.
“When Momma sent me away--I stopped writing. I put all those ideas and dreams of being an author aside and just...moved on. Clearly life was not going to be the way I had envisioned it so it was time to find something else. But I never stopped writing Bennett’s stories. Every Christmas I’d place his stories in a box and put it under my bed, only to be brought back out the next Christmas. I don’t know why I never stopped writing them, it seems kind of silly. But I think it was the thing that tied me to him--that and reading Pride and Prejudice. It made me remember that at one point, I did have someone in my family who loved me. Who wanted me. And maybe that’s dramatic or whatever, but I was fifteen years old when my own mother sent me away for good. I was allowed a few dramatics.
“I know I went on a terribly long tangent on this, but I think it’s to say that while I do trust him--I don’t...I’m terrified he’ll leave again and I’ll lose him a second time. I wrote those stories as a way to keep hoping things weren’t the way it seemed--so I think the thing he could do is just....stay. Even when the bad stuff happens, even when the hard stuff goes down. I just....I need my big brother. I really do.”
Lia cleared her throat and looking nervously at the ground. “But you’re--you’re not gonna tell him this, right?” ( @bennettbarnes )
