I hate being alone but at least when I'm by myself it's not as glaringly obvious that there's something fucking wrong with me

You worked hard. You gave it all. You rose up in your ranks the best you could-- but you were set up for failure. It was cruel. You don't know who to be mad at. Nova and God for letting this happen, Whitney, for making you do all this for your eventual corruption, or yourself, for thinking things would ever go your way. The jingle in your orb was replaced with a hollow sound. You were tempted to crush it with your feet and die right then and there. It would have been easy! And in this storm, no one would know. But you couldn't. There was an off-chance Nova would Forgive you. Then maybe you could live life in the normal misery you live in. Maybe it's best you don't get Forgiven. Why make us, then? If we're just going to corrupt, you wondered. If we're not meant to happen, then why am I standing here? Why is Whitney here? Why is Thyme here? You hurled your orb and necklace into the meadow, watching it vanish into the rain and grass. Bile rose up in your throat, and pain shot through your body, leaving you feeling weak, like it did the first time you left your orb away. It would come back on its own, you knew that much, but for now, you kind of enjoyed this feeling of breathlessness. You would black out and your being would be back in your pouch, with the protective cage and everything. What a nightmare.

is it really too much to ask for someone to like me back