#onlyfoundbits

         they’re bent close together, thighs touching and neither making a move to pull away. heads are bowed close together, near touching as they stare down at the small booklet spread out between them. it’s the latest comic by dc comics. this is the second volume of green lantern, something alastor bought this summer and has been waiting to read until he and benjy got together. it’s been torturous, but alastor endured it because this was his and benjy’s thing. they’re entering their fifth year, and though they’ve slowly gotten out of the habit of falling asleep in the same bed ( paranoia and concern over the lingering glances and whispers made them silently agree to part before the night ended ), they still take the time to do this. 

        if alastor feels his heart pounding dangerously hard in his chest every time he looks over and sees benjy biting his lip in concentration, that crinkle of his eyebrows as he scrunches his eyes when he’s perplexed and that moment something surprises him and he takes a silent, astonished deep inhale of breath... well, the comic is really good. it’s not because he’s in love with benjy. because he’s known that since third year when he came back broken and beaten down, disillusioned and destroyed by the death of his parents. benjy had been there to pick up the pieces, to remind him why he kept going, why he kept fighting. and he’d realized he’d been in love with him since the day they met. he just hadn’t admitted it to himself. 

        so that feeling of falling, the flutter in his stomach, the tightness in his chest every time he looks at benjy and sees that soft smile that’s only for him, it can’t be because he realizes he loves the boy. because he’s already done that. ( perhaps it’s him falling even more in love with him with each passing moment ). 

        and yet through all the years, he’s never acted on these feelings, never let them spill over from thoughts, from feverish dreams that made him wake sweaty and aching and wanting. so it surprises them both when benjy turns to look at him with that glimmer of excitement, that smirk of secrecy, and that wildness to his hair that makes him look so free, so open, and alastor closes the distance between them, his lips careening into the other’s. their noses bump and there’s the clash of teeth. it’s anything but the elegant, perfect first kiss he imagines when he gets bored in class. it’s awkward and clumsy and benjy FREEZES under him. and that momentary rush of exhilaration and bliss turns to HORROR as he realizes what he’s done. he can’t draw away fast enough, pulling away and scrambling backward, desperately trying to put distance between them. the fall from the bed onto the floor jars some sense back into him and alastor looks up with FEAR in his eyes at the boy still sitting on the bed. 

                                          oh god. what the fuck did he just do ??

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         they’re FIGHTING. it’s not their first fight, but it’s probably their worst to date. alastor, in true fashion, went and got himself in a fight with a gang of gryffindors. lil second year hufflepuff him against four sixth year gryffindors ?? seemed like a reasonable fight. he might even lose. he doesn’t. he does get four cracked ribs, a shattered hand ( from when his fist hit one of the guys’ face wrong ), and the mother of all black eyes. benjy was LIVID. probably because this is the third time this month he’s had to find out from the school gossip that his best friend is once again locked away in the hospital wing. honestly, though, it’s not alastor’s fault. the fuckers had been ganging up on some girl from the slytherin quidditch team. if there’s anything alastor doesn’t like, it’s BULLIES. so he’d intervened. one boy had been cursed into breaking out into explosive boils. another had been hung from a tree and beaten with a book bag once or twice before he’d turned to the others. another had an ice pack to his groin and had been moaning in pain since alastor had hexed his balls to pull back into his body. the last was the worst only because he’d actually thrown the first punch ( someone had had to drag alastor off him before he beat him unconscious ). 

        benjy is angry at him, as per usual. he’s mad because alastor keeps putting himself in the line of fire, always the first to jump into a fight, even when he’s severely outmatched and going to get his ass handed to him. he’s furious because alastor never THINKS, he just ACTS. and then he winds up in HERE, having the madame have to crack his bones back in place and downing more healing potions than most of the student body combined. he’s particularly livid about the fact that he’s always the last to know that alastor’s hurt, always finding out from the girl he sits next to in the great hall or from a sideward remark in class from one of their classmates. 

        they’re BEST FRIENDS, but benjy doesn’t understand that alastor DOESN’T WANT BENJY TO SEE HIM LIKE THIS. he doesn’t understand that this is what alastor IS, that this is all he’s ever wanted to do with his life: fight for justice and those unable to defend themselves. he’s been BRED to be an auror. it’s all he knows. this is just the warm up. he’s going to have much worse than this. and he doesn’t want benjy to have to see him like that. broken and bleeding and VULNERABLE. he wants benjy to remember him as STRONG, wants him to know that alastor can TAKE all the punches and he can GIVE THEM BACK. he wants to be the one benjy turns to when he needs help, without fear that alastor’s not going to be able to protect him. because he will protect him. alastor will protect benjy to his dying breath. because they’re best friends brothers.

        his gaze is downcast, attention seeming to be on the hand he’s currently rewrapping. the bones are set back in place, but the hand’s still TENDER, and he needs to keep it protected until tomorrow or he’ll risk fracturing the bones again. he certainly doesn’t meet benjy’s eyes. he can’t. can’t see that anger, that disappointment in his eyes. he’s not strong enough. 

        the words STING. they hit harder than benjy probably meant them to, thrown in mindless rage and stick into his heart like DAGGERS. he bites his TONGUE, the physical pain helping mask the sudden tightness of his chest. he forces himself to breathe evenly through his nose, to finish wrapping his hand before looking up to meet benjy’s eyes finally. if his own appear just a touch too wet, it’s just the lighting of the hospital wing. he’s not going to cry. he hasn’t cried in years. aurors don’t cry.

                  ❛        so what else      is new ??      ❜

        ORDER MEMBER || MARYTR || WAR REPORTER

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