#only subverted

genuinely trying to unfry my brain after past few weeks so here i am, dipping a stick back into the dunkaerion plot bunny pen to see who bites.

it'll be aerion biting, lbr, but let's see which plot bunny bites.

alright, concept of "alpine divorce," only dunk is a guy who regularly hikes the mountains and finds aerion stranded after his awful dating app match ditched him.

well. "stranded" is a strong word - aerion looks the part of a wilting flower, but dunk can clock the broken-in boots and light layers and emergency pockets and the well-made, "no brand" luxury pack of someone who's more experienced at this than he lets on.

turns out, aerion knows the local hiking trails like the back of his own hand, only he's very good at baiting stupid men into having the idea to hike up there as a date. and once on the trails, aerion's taking his sweet, sweet time so the awful dates rush on ahead while he takes the nicer routes down, crying until they get out of earshot. then it's off to posting in "is this your man" forums about another dude ditching pretty people on the mountains.

also turns out, aerion likes to wear gopros on his solo hikes to post in those forums, pointing out which paths are safe, which are not, which ones are red flag indicators.

maybe he's a hiking streamer, only on a delay. or he makes maps of his hikes later at home, idk how these things work.

anyway, dunk is pretty curious about this pretty blond guy who's shushing him to be quiet with one hand, rapid typing on his phone with the other, all the while leaned against a good-sized tree sobbing and wailing about being lost with an entirely straight (and dry) face.

the drama goes on for about two minutes before the blond guy sniffles, dabs delicately at his still-dry eyelashes, and blinks big purple eyes up at dunk. "pretty sure he won't expect his tire stems to be hypothetically snipped when he gets back to the parking lot," he hums, adjusting his wide-brimmed hat. "which probably means I should get a move on. he'll probably get back down in about an hour. assuming he even knows how to get down."

dunk's mouth hangs open, and at a little smirk from the blond, he snaps his jaw shut with a practically audible click. "w-why are you telling me this?" he queries. the blond is already moving, trotting along down the trail with all the grace of a deer while dunk stumbles along behind him. "i could call the cops? well, if i knew your name, but-"

"it's aerion," the blond calls back, not even turning his head. "and i'm telling you because i like involving people in my mess, especially people who won't tell for the price of a drink at the inn out past the park a little."

a sharpish gaze over his shoulder, and aerion hums. "maybe two. you're a big guy, two ought to do." something about them getting back down to the parking lot and lo and behold, aerion is right about the guy not being there. he doesn't snip the tire stuff, but he does reach into his pocket to pull out a baggy of rusty nails. and it's really only when aerion's carefully positioning them around two tires for maximum puncture effect that dunk even notices aerion's black rubberized gloves. then some mysterious stuff from a spray bottle, squirted under the doorhandles and around the keyhole, and through the inch-cracked windows as well.

"that's-"

"poison ivy AND poison oak extract, with some chili pepper action," aerion hums, packing everything away and stripping his gloves off to toss into the trash. "just for you, big guy."

the wink should not have made dunk's heart skip a beat.