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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Bestie did it again, a sweet lil Glorestor fic that made me feel all the emotions! Plus a sassy Elrond cameo 👀
100/10 recommend reading this Yule in Imladris cuteness!
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Dear 2016,
I think maybe I wanted too many things this year. January ended with one friend gone. The room seemed empty without her, even though she never made much noise to begin with. But I never quite knew how to help her the way leaving could. And she was sad, too, so maybe leaving was for the best. February I turned 20 and worked the night of my birthday. I stood behind the register at a bookstore and thought about my life up to that point, and how little it meant to me. I breathed deep through my nose and could see an equally meaningless future stretch out before me. The ice melted in May and the semester left me satisfied. I had done well, it seemed. But school was over and that meant going home. I feel alone at home. I worked all summer at a new job that I thought would maybe mean something more to me. I met a boy there with soft eyes and boney hands. He smiles at me and when I leave work I feel like crying. The job does not mean what I thought it would mean. August brought sadness. It slept with me in my bedroom. Followed me out the door and drove with me to work. It Held my hand while I wrote unfinished poetry in sloppy cursive. Towards the end of August I had coffee with a sweet boy and an old friend. She smiled at me and my heart broke. I'm not the girl she used to know. But she's not the girl I used to know either, and I'm not in the business of disappointing myself undeservedly. I know what it I'm doing when I she asks me to hang out and I say yes. I know the end has already passed. September comes and my grandpa doesn't know who I am when we move him into a nursing home. The nursing home smells like old people and feels suffocating. When I visit him I feel like I can't breathe. I cry about it on my friends bed while she sits in the other room. At the end of September I go to the doctor. I tell her I'm sad and she gives me pills. Sometimes I feel better and sometimes I don't. During October I make my best friend cry. I still think about it and I don't know if she knows. I wanted to cry too, but I couldn't. I don't know why. During November I yell at another friend for the first time. My hands shake and I am exhausted. I am so tired of being angry at her. During finals week I try to write my final paper but I can't. I stare at the screen on my laptop for literal hours without moving. I feel useless. Meaningless. I feel like I could throw everything away and nothing would matter and I wouldn't care. My paper is half hearted at best and I turn it in late. Before Christmas I work with the boy with the soft eyes and boney hands. He locks the door and we turn around together to leave. He stops suddenly and stares out into the night and says nothing. I look at him. He tells me he feels like he's forgotten something. I glance into the store and when I look back at him he is looking at me. I feel like something might happen but I can't let it. I tell him that everything is fine and wish him a safe drive home. He's got a long way to go. Maybe next year I won't want so many things. I can love the things I have. The people I'm with. The chances I come across. Maybe I will want to be myself, whoever she is. Maybe I can treat her right.
Tagged by ohraine, thank youu! :) <3
One song: Freak by Molly Sandén
Two movies: The Lord of the Rings, Mad Max
Three shows: Sense8, Hannibal, Due South
Four people: Max Riemelt, Emma Watson, Cate Blanchett, Gemma Arterton
Five foods: sugar pie, tire d’érable, date cake, cookie dough-flavoured ice cream, carrot muffins
Six people to tag: blueths, alyonelaer, weremethyst, absolutely-fatal, onethousandfallingstars, scaredofuhlek
Was the Variable Meanings fic for Star Trek?!
YES I LOVE THAT FIC IT RUINED MY LIFE
here’s the link to it if anyone else wants to be completely destroyed by this fic
On How to Miss Someone You Really Have No Business Missing, for Whatever Reason
A poem by a girl that probably doesn’t really know whats good for her.
Step 1:
Don’t sleep. The longer you go without sleep the more you will miss them. The heavier your eyelids become the clearer you will see their face in your mind.
The easier it will be to remember the way their presence felt. The way they felt sitting next to you when that was all you needed. Think about the way their skin touched yours and the way their words pressed against your heart. Make them seem soft.
Step 2.
Creep on their Facebook. Read through all your old texts at three in the morning. When you read through your old messages make sure you do it right. Remember the words the way you first said them. Don’t look at the lies they told you. Convince yourself you do not care that they lied in the first place.
Step 3.
Honor your dead. Place their picture on your mantel. Crave them late at night and all day long and remember them in everyone you see and everything you do. Mourn them. Do not move on.
Picture their hands, the way they looked, the way they felt holding yours, touching your face, holding you still and strong. Re-live the way they made you feel. Alive and real and warm and safe.
Remember their eyes as well. Their color. Their cold, hard, never-could-describe-them-anyway blue’s. Remember the browns as well. Eyes so deep and rich you felt poor and stupid next to them. Eyes that could see straight past you and right towards your intentions. Remember their shape when they laughed.
Step 4.
Do not remember the bad things. You cannot miss the way someone used to hurt you. Do not think about how it felt when they left. Do not think about the way it felt when you left.
Do not remember the empty hands, thrown in fists, lost in love,
Do not remember their eyes, cold as your own, bearing down on you when you could not take it, don’t think about what you saw there
Don’t think about their mouth, the way they shaped the words that hurt more than their hands, their eyes, their silence
Do not remember them
Do not remember
Step 5.
Realize you still love them. Do not hold it back. Fill yourself up with love for a ghost you can no longer touch. Cry because they are gone and you are left with nothing but wounded love for someone you convinced yourself you hated,
how could you have hated them?
Let your love for them roll over you, remember the way their love felt holding onto you, pressed against you, never forsaking you, pure and smooth against your hands, your chest, your heart, always good, always warm.
Love them with all that you have, because they are gone and theres nothing stopping you now.
______________________________________________________________
Something I wrote when I was remembering people I don’t really need to remember but it’s 3 in the morning and it doesn’t really matter anyway right?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
My favorite song right now is "I Found" by Amber Run! You should try that for your song rec ;D
couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library
send me song recs
blacklist: ask game
8, 9, 13, 20, 24, 33, 40, 44. ;D Thanks
8. How often do you listen to music?
Everyday like 24/79. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
Jeans ugh me an’ sweats ain’t in a good relationship13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Yes, yes I am!!20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Nothing. Absolutley nothing. Sleep, because snow day24. What are you sitting on right now?
A chair, with a pillow on it so my tooche is cosy
33. Are you a jealous person?
When it comes to friends or men, yes. very.
40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
I guess so, I did hw all day!
44. What’s the best part about school?
Band class!!
