Warnings: Angst, beatings, heartbreak and fluff
It was now the third time this week that Lucas had stood me up. He promised me that he would be here this time, that he would not stand me up again. His daily excuse was that his job held him captive, but I did not believe it. The first time okay, but the second night after the other not and I knew right that something was wrong.
I knew that Lucas worked for MI5 and I never had said anything, when his work took him away from me, most of the time. We had been together for a year now. We actually met through a dumb incident. I ran into him and two of his fellow colleagues. I saw that he had wound and so I followed them, because I was nurse and it was duty to help those who are wounded.
I had big hard since I was a little girl and I always wanted to help everyone and that wish only got stronger since I came out of that russian prison I was imprisont in. After that incident in the tunnels Lucas and I got to know each other just fine and from friendship it grew to love. We began dating and I was the happiest woman. But that all changed one week ago.
I believe he forgot that I even existed. Everytime he got home late the last week I was already asleep and when I woke up he was already gone. It was like he never was home and I felt like I did not was a part of his life anymore, that I didn't belong there. But today I took a few days off, saying that I was sick and tonight I was going to wait for Lucas and was going to stand up to him and gave a bit of opinion of his latest behaviour.
So I waited and waited. I waited two hours, I waited three hours and I waited four hours. It was almost two in the morning when the door to Lucas' apartment opened and in he came with a woman wrapped around his waist and their lips on each other, like they were eating each other wholly.
A gasp escaped my lips and the bowl I was holding in my hands, from trying to distract myself from unwanted thoughs somehow fell to the floor and shattered into thousand little pieces, just like my heart did. Tears began to fill my eyes and Lucas' glance shot to me. It seemed like he didn't want to believe that I was Standing there.
He set the woman down, back on her feet while the both of them stared at me. She had just a smirk on her lips and Lucas looked like disowned dog. A frown found it's way onto his face and he made a few steps towards me, but I took as much steps away from him. When he wanted to speak, I held up my hand and said. " No, Lucas. You don't Need to say any more. I will leave you two to it. Goodbye Lucas."
Then I grabbed my bag, put on my Sneakers and jacket and made my to the front door, but before I could leave I felt a hand wrapped around my wrist. I didn't want to look up, for I knew it was Lucas. I knew that grip and that scent good and if I would look up now I was going to break down. So I just shook my head and tried to free myself from his grip, but he didn't let loose from his grip.
I raised my voice to sound confident and not like I was going to break down any second and said in an almost strong manner. " Lucas North, let me go now!" I heard a sigh behind me and felt his grip loosen around my wrist, before he fully let me go, knowing he wasn't going to win this. Still not looking up I took my chance before he could change his mind and ran out of our once shared flat.
I ran out into the night and as far as my legs could carry me and when I grew tired as did my legs I stopped running, tears began streaming down my cheeks and I felt my heart ache at the feeling of having lost the man I loved with all of my heart, the man that kept the darkness at bay, the man who kept the nightmares away from me like wall. I sank to the floor and buried my face in my hands, the sobs that now raked through my wole body, consuming me.
When my tears finally stopped flowing I tried to stand up. When I managed that I picked out my phone and dialed the only number I knew the person was going to help me. When the person picked up I answered. " Ros, here is Jenna, I need your help." My voice still sounded raw and the woman quickly picked up on what happened, for she spoke calmly " It's alright Jenna, I will come pick you up. Tell me where you are."
I told her where I was and she said that she would come get me now. I said goodbye and hung up. I couldn't stop the tears that wanted to get free, so I just let them flow. Not far away from me was a bench, so I walked over and sat down on the bench and waited for Ros to come and get me. Ever since Lucas and I got together, Ros and I grew very close. Sometimes Lucas took me to work with him and I would spend my time either with Ros or Ruth, when they had nothing to do.
The thought of Lucas made my heart ache again and just remembering him made me want to throw up at the Moment.' Why did he have to betray me in such a way? Have I done something wrong, was I a bad Person? So tell me why I deserved to be treated in such a way from the man I thought loved me and that after all that had happened. The imprisonment, the absent of trust and anything else. He knew all of that and still decided to rip my heart out like that.' All those thoughts were in my mind.
I looked up when I heard a car pull up in front of me, thinking it was Ros, but it wasn't and when I saw who that person was, I quickly grabbed my bag, stood up and made for a run, but Lucas was faster and he grabbed me around the waist, pulling me flush against him, while I thrashed around in his arms, not wanting to see him right now, while he whispered into my ear. " Jenna, wait before you go and jugde me."
Hearing those words just made me angrier and I began to scream. " Don't you dare touching me, North. I don't want to see you ever again. You broke my heart and here I were thinking you loved me. Well seems like I was wrong again." He looked at me like a like I just slapped him, which I would gladly do right now, to be honest. " Jenna please believe me when I say, that it was never my intention to hurt you and that I love you."
" No, Lucas. I can't believe you. If you would love me, you never would have betrayed me the way you did and don't tell me f#cking that woman belongs to your job, for it doesn't." I said through gritted teeth. He ran a hand through his hair like he normally did when he was either nervous or frustrated, before he made another stept towards while I stepped back from him again.
" Love, please believe me, I never wanted to hurt you or betray you like that and you are right to hate me now, but know that I will always love you and that Sarah was just an accident." " Lucas I don't hate you but I don't like you much either at the Moment and I need time. Please respect that I don't want to see you now." I spoke calmly, tears threatining to spill once more.
Another car pulled up next to us and Ros got out of it, anger written on her face before she spoke through gritted teeth. " Jenna get into that car, I may have to have a little talk with mister 'I bed every suspect'." I nodded, grabbed my bag and got in on the passenger seat. As soon as I sat in the car I heard a slap, shocked I turned to see that Ros had slapped Lucas across the cheek while his head hung in shame.
Ros turned around and got into the drivers seat, driving away and towards her place, where she helped me get out of the car. She opened the door to her flat and closed and locked it right behind me again. She then said. " Here have a seat, I will make the guest room ready for you and then we will have a little talk." I gave her a small smile, or rather something that should look like a smile.
I mumbled a quick thanks and sat down on the sofa, grabbing one of the blankets laying around and put it over myself. I leaned back into of the pillows and closed my eyes. From all the stress and hurt I first didn't notice how exhausted I really had been, because after I closed my eyes I had fallen asleep. I didn't even noticed that Ros had come back into the room.
The next time I woke up it was still pretty early. It must've been around six in the morning. I only slept for two hours and my head hurted like I feted all night long. With a groan I stood uponly to see a note on the living room table. There stood. " Good morning Jenna. If you read this I'm already at work. On the kitchen counter is a glass with water and an Aspirin. I wish you a good day, do whatever to wish to do. See you tonight. Ros."
I smiled when I saw what she wrote. Ros never got soft on anybody, anybody but me. I must've triggered something inside her, for she treated me like a mother would a daughter. Well let's say I wasn't that old anyway. Somewhere in my mid twenties. Lucas was maybe ten years older but I really loved him and I still did, but I need space and I must be able to trust him and that trust is not there anymore.
The next few weeks I got a lot of messages and calls from Lucas, but I answered none of them, for the hurt still sat too deep inside me as did the trust issues. But now I had enough of only sitting in Ros' apartment and being afraid of meeting Lucas on the street and I needed to get back to work or they would grow suspiscious, if they weren't already. So I put on an blue jeans and a black crop top and over that my favourite black leather jacket. It was a gift from Lucas.
But I wouldn't let that thought destroy my good mood now and to sum up my Outfit I put on my favourite black boots. When I was ready I took my coat and back and made my way out of the apartment, closing and locking the door behind me. I left the building and made my way towards my working place when a hand grabbed me from behind and covered my mouth with their hand.
The person stunk. They stunk like they had many bottles of alcohol and all I wanted was to get myself free and continue on my to work. But before I could scream or anything like that the person's hand covered my mouth in an attempt to Keep me quiet. The grip of the person's Hand on my arm was firm and it hurt when his grip grew stronger. I wanted to throw up when the person leaned down and whispered in my ear. " Why don't you come with me you beautiful little thing, and we have a bit of fun?"
Wait a Moment. I knew that voice. A shudder went up my spine and I closed my eyes not wanting to believe that this was true. The person turned me around to them and forced me to open my eyes, which I did, yet reluctantly and when I did, I felt the anxiety inside me grow. He was my captor when I was held captive in russian prison. My insides rebelled and I almost threw up when I saw that wicked expression on the man's face. He almost looked insane.
His grip on my arm grew firmer and I think there were bruises forming already from how firm he held my arm. A sob raked through my body and his grin grew even wider before he said again in his sickenly voice. " Ah you remember me, little one. That's good then. Let's have some fun like in the old good times yeah? Before I got fired because of you." I swallowed thickly and shook my head.
No I didn't want this chapter to repeat itself again and my bones grew limp. I was back in that cell, all the pain was back also and my throat was dry and my eyes began to water. I shook my head again and again. First Lucas betrayed me and now the man who was the reason for my nightmares, was back again. And he wanted revenge for what I did to him. This couldn't be true. Then before I knew what happened I felt a dull pain in the back of head and I fell unconscious.
The next time I woke up I was chained to something cold and it smelled like metal, probably a pipe. My throat hurt and my whole body felt like it was on fire, everything hurt, like I had been slapped and beaten up for hours. When my eyes had become accustomed to the dark I could see more clearly. In front of me stood a camera and it was directed at me. I rew anxious for I knew what he was going to do to me. Suddenly a door nearby slammed open and in came he.
I gulped and immeadiately looked to the floor, not wanting to meet his gaze. When I heard no footsteps anymore I looked up confusedly only to be met with my captors face. Before I could look back down he had grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. His grip was firm and bruising. Then I heard his sickenly voice again, " I see you're awake again. So we can continue our little chat hm?" I shook my head again as tears streamed down my cheeks.
" No? Well that's a problem, for I'm quite excited for the continuiation of our chat and I'm sure your little boyfriend is going to like the little gift I will leave for him." He said, grinning like a mad man. I could manage to to gain a little courage before I gritted my teeth and said. " Let Lucas out of it. This is a thing between you and I. Even when Lucas isn't my boyfriend anymore I still care for him and if you do just the slightest of things to him, I will find you and you will see what I'm capable of doing."
Then I spat right in his face and the smirk that was just moments ago on his face was now away and instead he wore a very angry expression, making me swallow hard and then I felt a harsh slap and my head fell to the side when his fist collided with my chin. I could taste blood in my mouth, but this time I wasn't going to give up. I mean he wanted to pull Lucas into our fight if it mean protecting him with my life so he could live his happily, with Sarah.
Even though that thought hurt, I still wished him all the best, for he was the man I loved and I wasn't going to take his happiness away from him, after everything he went through. Ilya watched me carefully then he took a step back and directed the camera on me again. Then he took a step towards me again and when he was about to rip off my top which I hadn't noticed was the only Thing I was wearing beside my underwear, voices could be heard outside of that room.
Hopefully it weren't any other FSB members. Then when he was about to punch me the door was pushed open and inside came three men and one woman. The woman I recongnised as Ros and a sigh of relieve shut through my whole body, when one of the two men shouted. " Get away from the woman, hands in the air and on your knees now!" I would recognise that voice anywhere. It was Lucas and my heart clenched when I heard his voice.
Tears began to well in my eyes again. Tears of joy or sadness I didn't know. Probably both though. Ilya just grinned wickedly and out of nowhere he pulled out a knife and went to stab me with it. I closed my eyes and waited for the pain to consume me, but nothing of that happedned. I heard a gun go off and somebody sank to the floor with a dull sound. I opened my eyes again to see Ilya on the floor with a bullet deep in his chest.
Ros made to come towards me but Lucas stopped her and placed a hand on her arm carefully, fearing she might slap him again, which made me grin. How much I adored that woman. Ros just sighed and nodded. Then Lucas went towards me, made my hands loose again and my arms fell to my side. They hurted from being tied up for so long and now the Exhaustion from the past few hours took over me and I slightly stumbled forwards, but before I could kiss the Floor two strong arms wrapped themselves around my waist.
I was pulled flush into his chest and I could make out Lucas famous scent which, which was kind of torture and kind of familiar. To be honest I had missed him dearly but he broke my heart, but I wasn't able to argue right now, so I just let him pick me up and I buried my face into the crook of his neck so he couldn't see that IÂ was crying again. I had been crying so much the past few weeks and I was so exhausted the last thing I noticed were a pair of lips that were pressed against my forehead, making me sigh contently and drift of into a dreamless sleep.
When I next woke up tears were streaming down my face and I shot up screaming. I had had a nightmare again. This time it was a new one. A nightmare where Lucas stood in front of me holding a gun towards me, while Sarah stood next to him grinning wickedly at me, yet before Lucas pulled the trigger, Sarah pulled out a gun herself and shot me, while Lucas looked at her shocked. Then the dream had changed and I was in that cellar again, in front of me Ilya and he was holding a taser in his hand which he used on me without hesitation.
I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder and I opened my exes, trying to get away from that hand, out of fear it might me Ilya again. But when I saw who it was, relief filled my whole body and I closed my eyes again before I began rubbing through them, still breathing heavily. Lucas leaned down and pressed a short kiss to my temple and I visibly relaxed. Then he whispered into my ear. " Hey hey, love. Calm down, it is just me. I promise nothing is ever going to happen to you again."
All I could do was stare up at him, tears forming in my eyes again before I let them run down my cheeks freely. Lucas just sat there watching me with a said Expression before he made to say something again but I shook my head, my throat in knots. " No Lucas please don't I don't wanna hear any excuses from you." " Jenna, love. Please look at me and just listen to me. Please." Lucas' whispered. He sounded so vurnable, just like when he told me about his imprisonment.
All I could do was nod and when Lucas gently cupped my face in his hands and turned my face so I must look at him, only then he began to speak. " Jenna, my love. I know I don't deserve your love." At that I let out a huff and Lucas sighed, before he continued. " But I love you and I beg your forgiveness, for you are the only thing that means something to me. For you I would give up my place at the grid." At that my eyes turned wide. Never in a million years would I have thought to hear that sentence coming from him. He was so dedicated to his Job.
Lucas nodded his head and smiled gently at me while his thumbs stroked my cheeks gently. Then he continued. " Right when you left I kicked Sarah out and ever since that, I never saw her again. Please my love, believe me. I need you. without you I'm nothing and all I want is your forgiveness. I beg you. Please take me back. I love you with everything I have."
I looked at him shocked. He never said ' I love you' before. This was the first time and that made my heart burst with love for that man. He was all that I needed. With him by my side I could do everything. He may have hurt me, but he would also do everything to pierce back every piece of me that had shattered even if it meant fighting for me for the rest of his life and that was what I saw right now. And didn't everyone derserve a second chance at least?
So I gave him a small smile and said quietly. " Alright Lucas. I will give you a second chance, but don't you dare throwing that away, or I'll be gone forever and you will have to gain my trust again, before I fully give myself to you again." Lucas smiled widely and a loud happy laugh left his mouth, which made me giggle. Then he pressed his lips to mine in a gentle but passionate kiss. We layed in his bed, kissing for hours without end, when I finally grew tired again.
Lucas pulled me close and I rested my head on his bare, broad, muscled chest, with my hand resting on his strong stomach, making me sigh in relief that this man was now really mine and hopefully forever. The last Thing I felt were his lips pressed to my forehead and himm whispering in my ear softly. " I love you, my love." Making me fall asleep without crying myself to sleep and a smile on my lips, for the first time in three weeks.
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Maybe to be continued. It's your choice. If you want a second part, just leave a comment (;