#omg ib

jk the decision has long been made, and there's only a thin veil of lying to myself covering it.

-I presented my IOP today. IOPs and good things seem to contradict each other, but surprisingly, I didn't die. I didn't have that hurricane feeling in the pit of my stomach that replaces my brain in sending out nerve signals, so my voice did not tremor, my knees did not shake, and I didn't sit down post-presentation shivering from the pent-up adrenaline. I just got up there and spoke. It was amazing.

(Pro tip: put your outline on pink notecards highlighted with pink highlighter and fastened together with a pink paperclip. I also gave myself notes of encouragement to myself on the last card - "you are better than everybody else")

-Today was Character Day for spirit week, so I fulfilled my childhood dream of being Eloise from Eloise at the Plaza and everyone thought I was super cute. Because I was.

-My best friend went to the cider mill yesterday after school and got CIDER MILL DONUTS (aka my favorite things in the worlddd and my only reason to live during the fall) and gave me one post-IOP. Yum.

-I got a 36.5 out of 36 on my history test (extra credit because I knew which city in the French countryside Napoleon I peed his pants in, duh)

Hate this so much. Before embarking on this fantastic IOP journey, he told us how we would be super prepared, armed with about 15 hours of practice ("but most of it will be in class," he said) and we would do fab! He also gave us a handy dandy little schedule so that we know what's going on for this whole process.

EXCEPT NONE OF THE THINGS ON THIS SCHEDULE ACTUALLY HELD TRUE

1. "conferencing" = reminding me that I needed a full heading with my name, teacher's name, class period, and full date written out before writing "approved" on my paper

2. "we will draw slips to pick times so that it'll be fair" = "sign up for times on this sheet!!!"

3. homework: polish outline and submit final draft to turnitin.com = if you aren't performing on Monday, you aren't allowed to work on it. Turn in all of your finished materials in now. (WHAAAATTTT)

no mention whatsoever as to how and/or when we will be creating our visuals

not in class today to answer questions

I really need some feedback because I want to know if my presentation sucks before, not after I present it

this message x like 230948203948023948 anguished faces and wailing = what I did to ms. rebinowitz jsyk

also "I haven't finished my sheet hold on let me finish it really quickly! Ahh I haven't printed out my things can I please go print them now?!?! It won't print and I don't know why!!!!!" but super rushed and gradually increasing in volume (pretty sure you can imagine what this sounds like because I always talk like this)

and yeah I kinda do have to go by what I originally said because then he'll call me out for "working on it when we aren't supposed to and that isn't fair"

And my presentation doesn't even have a solid centralized theme to it; I'm just kinda going with it

I practiced it once and basically the whole thing was slight variations on the phrase "this highlights the difference between the black bourgeoise and the members of the upper class"

so I guess I'll try to make my readings of the quotes super charismatic. My poem is super sassy, so I'll be able to do that unless I chicken out while I'm up there

I have no feedback which is scary

My teacher is batshit crazy which is scary

I have no presentation skills which is scary

I tried to do my intro and it was basically a hot mess which is scary

Not a good intro whatsoever which is scary

I don't even know what's going on which is scary

I made a powerpoint which is scary

HATE

This is unreal! Here's to the jumbled mess of standardized tests and Starbucks and college visits that is junior year. Get at me.