#ollybear

Gabriel blinked once, twice and was about to protest when he found  the corners of his mouth tugging up into a soft smile.  A comforting warmth spread through his chest sparked by  adoration at the sight of you with that defiant stand. He knew it well, you had always been that way, even when he was still an archangel. It was almost laughable then and still was now even though the initial irony was gone.  The weight of reality quickly repositions itself upon the shoulders as he remembered the implications of your previous statement.

“You don't know what you'd be signing up for shortcakes, it's all rides from questionable truck drivers and sleazy hoteles for me. You've got a life here,” he responded with what you hoped was a light hearted joke. Gabriel often did this as a way of avoiding answering questions. Most of the time you would just take the hint and change the subject but what he was proposing was beyond anything you or the Winchester’s had done in the department of stupid. It wasn’t that you thought he could take care of himself. It was he was just getting used to being human and the task he was setting out to do was two steps short of impossible.

“I know exactly what I want, so stop being stupid. I'm come with you”

Gabriel couldn't deny that it was a fantasy for him, you and him running off together. Yet he had remind himself that it was indeed just a fantasy.  He shook his head, better judgement soon regained control over him. He was not about to burn though you like the Winchesters did to so many of their other friends. You were safe here, much safer than you could ever be with him.

“Tell you what, I'll send postcards. Although you might want to pick out another address. I don't think UPS delivers to world war two bomb shelters. Besides it's probably best they don't, whatever poor soul had to deliver mail here would probably end up in that sex dungeon of yours.”

You didn't say anything at all in fact you weren’t sure you could. You never expected him to say no. Since he got back the pair of you had been nearly inseparable. You helped him recover, showed him the in and outs of humanity and he made you really laugh; something you hadn't done in years.

Normally by now you would have rolled your eyes or laughed at his joke. Your silence made you hard to read so Gabriel took the moment to take in your features. You had a look perpetual confusion and hurt that put Sam Winchester’s puppy dog face to shame. He hated to see you upset, in fact, it broke his heart.

“Come on cupcake, turn that frown upside down. This isn't goodbye, not by a long shot. You couldn't get rid of me that easily”  he joked.

Gabriel stood there for a moment gauging your reaction but you just stood there.  His nerves bgan to pick at him and he shifted from one foot to the other, the need to move became overwhelming. Your eyes were drawn to the ground where are you found one of many candy wrappers that litter the floor. You knew he was waiting for you to look up at him, but at the moment there was nothing more interesting than that one little candy wrapper. Eventually he gently lifted your chin bringing your gaze up to meet his.

“Come on sweet cheeks don't leave me hanging like that” he said hoping you would come around but your thoughts were stuck replaying your entire conversation up to this point and realization dawned upon you.

He never said no.

You  reached out to grab his hand taking a daring step closer. The distance between you shrunk significantly and you bit your lip in anticipation. Your stomach was twisting into knots and you can feel your heart hammering in your chest as if it were trying to escape.

“Let me come with you” you plead once again barely above a whisper.

“The sun's going to be coming up soon. I gotta split before thing one and thing two notice that I'm gone” Gabriel muttered, trying to focus on stepping away, but instead all that seemed to be on his mind was the way your hand came up to his shoulders sending a shiver down his spine. He nearly died at the feeling your nails dragging lightly along his skin shooting goosebumps down his arms. In that moment he could have sworn he never left heaven. His eyes found their way down to your soft slightly parted lips and became stuck there. He wanted nothing more than to feel them on his own.

“I'm a quick packer”  you whispered before finally closing the remaining gap between you. You leaned forward pushing yourself on your tiptoes to gently locking lips with him. Sparks flew as the romantic tension between you two finally broke. You could feel each of his muscles tighten beneath your hands as you dragged them up and down his arms and to his shoulders again. His hands came to your waist,  hovering there but not daring to touch you. Gabriel wanted more then anything to tell you no. To let you come with him would be selfish. He could only imagine what would happen if one of the many people he managed to piss off got a hold of you. Lucifer on one hand had a habit of breaking his favorite ‘toys’. There was a reason you didn't see dinosaurs roaming the earth among the land of living. Gabriel had taken a special liking to them. What was better than giant lizards with little arms?

And Asmodeus... Gabriel broke his train of thought, not wanting to dive back into those memories.  Though he couldn't help running his tongue over where the stitches once held his mouth closed. The atrocities he suffered alone made his stomach churn. Even when he was left alone he could not escape his torture. The crippling silence was horrible. Never in his life has he had to live with that much quiet. Between angel radio and day to day contact with people, he always had someone to talk to. Asmodeus had quite literally broken him. The image of you in the same condition flashed in his mind and panic flared to life. Gabriel pulled away just enough to break in the kiss,  letting his forehead rest against yours.

He let out a shaky breath trying to regain what little self control he had left. Father, he adored you. More than anything he wanted to tell you to pack your bags and have you sneak off with him in the middle of night. In the past he would have without a second thought. But things were different now, he was different now. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to actually tell you no. Before all this, when the apocalypse was still happening he on more than one occasion had popped in to help on a hunt or snapped his fingers and brought you whatever you desired, simply because you asked. He would admit it but you had him wrapped around your finger.

“Y/N”  it name sounded strained as he struggled to sift through his conflicting emotions.

You knew what he was going to say and the thought alone killed you. There was no way in hell your were letting him get away. Not tonight, not like this.

“No”

You stated cutting him off before he could say anymore. His brows furrowed together obviously not expecting the outburst from you.

For a moment your mind blanked on what to say. The wrong thing and he would be out of your life again.  You already lost him once, you'd be damned before you let him get away again. You remembered his death like it was yesterday. You could still seeing  him lying dead with the imprints of wings burnt into the ground behind him. The haunting image was seared into your mind along with the overwhelming regret of never admitting your feeling for him at the time. Your knuckles whitened as you gripped his jacket tethering him to you.

“You can't go out there on your own.” you stammered your voice cracking

 Gabriel took a deep breath choosing his next words carefully “Where I'm going, I won't let you follow.. ”

When you saw tears threatening to fall from his eyes and your heart clenched. He looked away but you brought a hand to his cheek drawing and back to you.

“ I'd rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you.”   

"Y/N..."

"I mean it, you bring so much light and laughter, life wherever you go, without you I'm just surviving"

Gabriel paused taking in the meaning behind each of your words.

When he didn't respond you began to shift from foot to foot your nerves plucking away with each passing moment. What if you came on to strong and just blew it. You shouldn't have said anything, maybe it wasn't too late to…

Your thoughts were cut off abruptly when Gabriel crashed his lips into yours. You gasped at the initial contact and he took the opportunity slip his tongue past your lips. This kiss much more passionate than the last. You fell into a fiery rmbrace that lasted much longer Into the night.

Gabriel pulled himself out of bed careful not to disturb you from your sleep. You stirred moving around and mumbling incoherently. His eyes drawn to  the genital rise and fall of your chest. The repetitive motion reassuring him that you were indeed still asleep. Your features were soft and relaxed free from grief. Too often you features were weighed down with sorrow. Your life had not been easy,  you spent far to much time morning loved ones and dealing with the world's problems. He felt his chest tighten at the realization that he would once again be the cause of your grief.

He knew that by leaving he was going to break your heart. In fact he despised himself for it. The sting of lost loved ones still wore heavy weight on his and heart and he could not afford to lose you as well. He carefully walked around picking up his clothes that he had so quickly discarded of only hours before. He searched around for his shirt eventually giving up and getting another one from his bag when he realized it must have been tangled somewhere in the sheets. In these last moments with you the questions he had previously repressed force their way up mainly how would you react to him leaving?

He hoped that after he retrieved his grace and came back you would welcome him with open arms. Although he was beginning to see that was nothing more than a fantasy. To leave you with no explanation after everything that just happen would obliterate any future relationship he could hope to have with you. He pondered the possibility of just staying here with you but quickly discarded it. To live without his grace was unbearable. How Castiel survive so long without his own would forever baffle him. He needed to leave. He almost laughed in anger, why did he always have to leave?

He couldn't just go without an explanation, he at the very least owed you that. He didn't really know how long it took him but one thing was certain.He poured his heart into that letter. It was possibly the most honest thing he has ever written in his life. He read over at least three times and then once again. It had to be perfect, a lot was riding on this one little letter. Once he decided it was finished he placed it on the night stand. He then took the opportunity to look at you one last time. You were so beautiful. He tried to memorized each of the little details of your face. Everything from the exact shape of your lips, the way your eyelashes rested delicately on your face, the little scars you tried so hard to hide. Without realizing it he leaned down and placed a delicate kiss to the side of your head. He whispered in your ear promises of ceaseless love and of eventual return.

When you woke up you were consumed with hazy bliss. The event of last night still fresh in your mind. You rolled over onto your back expecting to feel Gabriel beside you, only the spot beside you empty. For a brief moment panic arose in your chest but It quickly subsided when you saw the bathroom light on. Gabriel off and got up in the middle of the night and then couldn't sleep after. On several occasions you found him wandering the halls of the bunker in the middle of the night.

You took notice of the time, it was 4:30 now and Sam and Dean would be up soon. You smiled a little and rolled on to your side and called out to your lover.

“ Come back to bed, were going to have to hurry if want to fit in another quicky before we leave”

You pause for a moment waiting for him to respond. A minute passed and you began to worry. Maybe he didn't hear you?

“gabriel?”  

Still nothing.

You rolled out of bed finding his shirt in the in the sheets. It brought you temporary relief, Surly wouldn't leave it behind. You through it on before slowly walking to the bathroom afraid of what you might find. You gently knocked on the door before hesitantly pushing it open.

It was empty.

  You turned around giving the room a once over.

His bags were gone,his clothes.Everything was gone,

It was gone,

You frantically looked around the room to reconfirm

He was gone.