She won't become irrelevant, she was too important for that. Songs and books will occasionally brush against that old world and leave a mark. But the active ache, the compulsive wanting-to-know, the feeling that her life is happening somewhere you should still be allowed to stand near, that will fade.
Not because you replace her, but because your own present gets fuller. Because she stops being the only doorway back to a version of yourself that felt alive, understood (really?) and chosen.
She was never just one person.
She was an era, a language, a possibility. A witness who knew you before you had to explain yourself.
You will probably always know she mattered. But you will not always miss her like an exposed nerve.
One day you will think of her and feel sadness without the floor dropping out.
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As last week was winding down and I was reviewing our weekend plans, my attention was called to one of my radios and I listened to an EMS call for a child struck by a car on a rural, yet busy road. From the radio transmission, I knew it was serious, but I didn’t give it too much thought and went about my day
Later that evening, I read on one of my news feeds that a 10-year old girl had been…
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Set after Rex leaves to help Ahsoka and the Rebellion.
Wolffe and Gregor sit and reminisce.
Also available on A03
The desert was quiet. It always was, really, but some nights felt quieter than others. Like the whole world was holding its breath.
Gregor sat on top of the tank, legs dangling over the edge. The metal was still warm from the day’s heat. He stared up at the stars and tried to remember the punchline to a joke Cody had once told him. Something about a Jedi, a droid, a bar maybe?
It had been funny at the time. Hilarious, actually. Cody had barely gotten through it with a straight face.
He chuckled quietly to himself. “Pretty sure he made half of it up.”
From below, he heard Wolffe shift.
“You talking to yourself or me?” Wolffe asked, glancing up from the fire.
Gregor leaned back on his hands. “Both, maybe.”
“Figures.”
There was a pause. Then Wolffe climbed up slowly, settling next to him with a wince, giving his hip an absentminded rub.
Gregor let the silence hang between them a moment before he spoke again. “I was just thinking about Cody.”
Wolffe glanced at him for a moment and grunted in response.
“We were stuck in this canyon once. Whole thing collapsed behind us, and we were crawling through sand and wreckage trying to find a way out. Cody was ahead, got tangled in his own line, and the General, Kenobi, he just stood there and watched for a minute. Said something like, ‘You’ve gotten yourself in quite the situation, Commander.’”
Gregor snorted. “Cody didn’t find it nearly as funny as I did.”
He looked over.
Wolffe glanced his way, mouth twitching. “Grew up with the guy. I could tell you a hundred stories about Cody, and a few of them end with him trying to pretend he didn’t almost die doing something ridiculous.”
“That sounds about right.”
“I’m still not sure how he got his foot stuck in a vent the one time. Said he was testing it or something.” Wolffe shook his head. “He tried to talk his way out of it while hanging upside down.”
Gregor grinned. It had been a while since he’d seen Wolffe that close to relaxed.
It didn’t last. Wolffe’s gaze drifted back to the fire. “Rex would’ve gotten a kick out of that story.”
Gregor’s smile faded. He nudged a pebble off the edge of the tank with his boot. It hit the sand below. “It’s quieter without him.”
“Yeah.”
The fire crackled.
Gregor studied him for a second. “You think he’s still out there? Cody I mean?”
The quiet stretched again. Wolffe didn’t answer right away. “I hope so,” he said finally. “Lot of us didn’t make it. But Cody… he’s smart. Careful. If anyone could disappear, it’s him.”
Gregor nodded. His throat felt tight in a way he couldn’t explain. “Feels better to think we’re not the only old ghosts still kicking around.”
“Yeah.” Wolffe’s voice was rough. “Yeah, it does.”
The wind shifted.
Gregor leaned back, arms folded across his chest. Maybe this was all there was, a fire, a friend, a story that didn’t hurt to tell. Gregor could live with that.
After a while, Gregor cleared his throat. “Hey, Wolffe?”
“Yeah?”
“I never figured out the punchline to that story.”
Wolffe let out a snort. “That’s because Cody made it up on the spot to shut you up.”
I'm walking around this college town
Living life like the sad, midway point in a romantic comedy
Running into old friends, doing yoga with old folk,
Reflecting on lost love, making amends with old ghosts
Which in turn is paying dividends, & igniting old hope
Quiet on set;
Don't they say the first take is the most natural?
Well, I've played these scenes out in my head day after day
And yet I still don't know how I'm supposed to act
Missing my mark, forgetting my place, calling for- LINE!
Tell me what to say. Tell me what could win you back.
Action!
I'm sorry you were my rough cut.
I'm sorry you saw the unedited version of me,
Instead of the theatrical release.
I'm sorry I hadn't had a chance to color correct my blues.
Sorry that I monologued, in so many scenes.
I'm sorry that the thing that seemingly bothered you,
Was the same thing that came so naturally to me.
And, we're rolling:
Sorry if you felt like the reviews lied to you,
Or maybe that the critics were biased,
Just in general that I wasn't so great.
[Or in general, that I wasn't as great
As the audience lead you to believe]Sorry you bought movie tickets, front row seats,
To see ME, on the silver screen of back then,
[To see a B-list celebrity like me,
On the silver screen of way back when,]
Instead of waiting for me to come to streaming.
That's a wrap!
I wonder if this movie has a sequel.
I wonder if they'll replace any of the actors,
Pretending they're the same characters,
Or even replace the characters entirely.
You always had a pretty busy schedule.
