has… has astrid tried to eat dragon nip..? astrid sweetheart why would you do that…

i... feel like everything sucks. friends, family, school, work, everything. i just want to leave, move on, get to a better place, is that so wrong? sometimes i even fantasize about being alone, isolated from everyone, laying in the quiet. happy, healthy, having plenty of food and money, all is right. everything just feels so noisy lately. i’ve had a weird month, maybe that’s all it is? i tried to convince myself that everything is good, that i’m good. but then again, why did i break down this week? was it repressed emotions or was this week really that bad? but anyway, august and september were okay months. i thought everything was looking up after that epiphany i had in july and finally stopped crying. but i’m back to crying that much ??? i’ve been crying so much lmfao but !!! no one knows, isnt that cool. on that note, i feel like i’m going back into that “tell no one nothing no one actually cares” hole. but sometimes i really dont know how to form the words or how to address that i dont know why i feel unwell. sure yea i still try to give it a go but it never seems to work out. and it’s not like anyone is particularly helpful with it or wants to be. i’m never taken seriously by anyone when i’m not “happy”. it’s either “stop being sad already”, no response, or getting laughed at. so yea no wonder i eventually go back to keeping things to myself + i start thinking about past experiences and am just kinda like “wow... you really let him go to be left with even less support than you started with, good job dumbass” and yea thats very selfish of me to think and even kinda cry about but... oh fucking well. sometimes it is all too much and i just want someone to listen. is that so bad? and he... was good at that. every person i know (with the exception of like two lmao) bad mouths him but :))) theyre all hypocrites, goodnight 

i remember there was once a time i played sims so much that i began expecting life to have a pause and fast-forward button