your words seemed to constantly ring inside renjun’s head, over and over again. how could you give up everything, all these years? somewhere along the lines of getting over his ex, he managed to fall in love with you. but he feared it. he feared of letting you down and disappointing you.
as the days go by, he feels his heart only get heavier and heavier. you were his world. you were everything he ever needed; fuck his fears. fuck the morals he’d set inside his head, because you were waiting for him. all that time you were waiting for him to simply, say something. say anything. and he chose to say nothing, and he will forever regret not speaking up in the moment he had you.
so, as the clock ticks loudly in the silent room, he gets up. he gets up, and swallows his pride. he gets up, driving straight to your apartment with no regrets. he gets up, and he knows just how in love he is with you.
you managed to create a space in his heart, made just for you. and he was tired of pretending that it wasn’t there every time he looked at you.
as he knocks on your door, his hands start to sweat and his heart speeds up. you had told him to never come back, to never see you ever again. and he still remembers the sting he felt in his chest by your words. but he can only imagine what you had felt all this time.
as you open your door, your eyes go wide. you were ready to say ‘no thank you’ so some kind of solicitor and slam the door in their face. but, when you open your door, you see your favorite pair of dark eyes. you see the way he’s heavily breathing, running his hands through his hair in an attempt to cover up the sweat that started to form on his forehead.
his dark hair only slightly ran over his eyes, his forehead still in view. you gulped as the two of you looked at each other, not saying a single word. the air was silent, and he only stood in front of you. why was he here? why did he decide to come back? even after you told him to stay away?
“y/n,” he finally speaks up, his voice sounding so out of breath. he was stuttering just from saying your name and you were slightly concerned for how nervous he was. he was never this nervous. in all the years of knowing him, he had never exactly stuttered to you.
“i’m not sure what you’re here for,” you begin, making his heart shatter in his chest at your tone, “but, if you want to come in, you can.”
your tone turned soft, and he remembers just how much he loves the sound of your voice. you looked exhausted, and so did he, but you still looked as beautiful as ever. in his eyes, you could never not be beautiful.
“thanks,” he mutters, walking inside your apartment as you move away from the door to let him in.
your place smelled like you still, and it still felt like it used to. it still felt like this was where he belonged, and that pained him like no other. the memories you two created come rushing through his head, and he almost feels overwhelmed by the thought of being here again.
as the two of you sit on your couch, he takes a deep breath in, before letting it back out. he looks at you, watching the way your eyes turned curious under his stare.
“i know you told me to stay away,” he says, his voice softer than usual, “but i don’t think i ever could. y/n, i know i’ve hurt you. i know i caused you pain, and i know i did it for my own selfish reasons. i should have said something sooner. but people are right when they say you don’t know what you’re missing until you lose them.”
he pauses, taking a deep breath again before continuing, “i won’t sit here and pretend anymore. i can’t sit here and act like i’m not in love with you, too. i think i realized it the night we went to the park and just sat there. and you were so beautiful under the moonlight, i was truly starting to wonder how in the hell i had ever gotten so lucky to have someone like you in my life. i know i didn’t say anything sooner because i was afraid of disappointing you, the same way i disappointed my ex.
“y/n, i love you. and i know this, because as silent fills the room, i can only think of the way your laugh would fill the cold room with warmth. i can only think about you, and the way you would smile against my lips before kissing me. i can only think about you. it’s always you, and i realized this long ago. i’m sorry for not saying this sooner, but i know now not to hold things in. i know better to just say what i have to say to you when i can.”
tears start to fall from both of your eyes as he looks at you with intense love, “i love you, y/n. and i can never change that fact.”
your first thought was to wrap your body around him, kissing him tenderly. this was your first reaction, your first instinct. because it was renjun, it was him and no one else. it was only and ever will be renjun.
“i love you, renjun,” you whisper against his lips, tears still diligently falling.
he could only admire the way your eyes sparkle, “i love you so much.”
he breathes out those words before reconnecting your lips again. and for the first time, he finally shows you just how much he loves you. your bodies are left intertwined by the end of the night, naked chests pressed so lovingly together as the two of you whisper a last love confession before falling asleep in one another’s arms.
