#ohjoe

i never thought it would get to this

i was so proud of my boys

but they fucked off and did and said dumb shit

meanwhile james mcavoy and michael fassbender are gay* as fuck and they know how to laugh about it

the other british tom - tom hiddleston - has a sense of humor that hardy really needs to learn from

joe can’t even act these days like oh my god could you give us one thing to be proud of

but here’s the thing guys

hardy and jiggles, once you choose them... well, it’s like adopting children

one cannot simply abandon them

you remain a fan

you are always a fan

and you must teach them things and discipline them

and also always love them no matter what

and so here we are

oh tom

oh joe

okay back to regularly scheduled programming

we all know they have NO idea what was going on and just learned their lines 

(and looked very sexy)

tom is more forthcoming about this than joe lol joe still tries to play it cool like UM YES I KNOW WHAT IT’S ABOUT IT’S

LIKE

A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM

*crickets*

neither one of them understood the details in the story, not at the level we understand it anyway

so in light of this

i SO WISH an interviewer would (very seriously, with a straight face) ask them something like “so was it eames that broke up with arthur over his loyalty to cobb, or was it arthur that was angry at eames for disappearing to mombasa and gambling so much? you do such a great job laying bare all the sexual tension between them, without actually articulating how you feel. did you find that easier to do than dealing with the dreamshare aspect of the plot? it’s amazing to see how arthur and eames are now considered to have one of the greatest love stories in the history of cinema.”

-crickets-

tom: ....

joe: ....

tom: -itches boob, fidgets-

joe: ...

-the way they treat fans

-the way they treat reporters

-their views on monogamy

-the causes they support

-the films they choose to take on

it really struck me lately that tom agrees to do movies for money (he’s admitted this a lot, perhaps with the exception of bronson and locke) while joe sticks to stuff he feels passionate about

there’s no wrong or right here because we all work for money and we all want to adore what we do

the strangest thing, however, is that it’s always tom whose performances are immersive and incredible and almost too real while joe is... mostly still joe on the screen

this is why i anxiously await snowden... yes it’s mostly due to the material itself and the fact that oliver stone made it, but i do hope joe wows audiences and critics. i want to forget who the actor is and see the whistleblower instead

it’s only wednesday and tom’s been having a nonstop orgy with the british military because i guess bombing afghans deserves support

and joe’s passion project has turned into a crude song and dance about mothers he’d like to fuck and their big booty

boys get your sorry ass act together

-cuddles arthur and eames-

thank god for you two

(a year and a half ago i was so turned off by it in the first 6 or 7 mins that i... well... turned it off)

the interview turned out to be even more crude and cringeworthy than i imagined, but i have grown and matured, so now i’m able to stomach it -pats self on back-

of course i was smh-ing for the whole 40 mins or however long it was

joe you are welcome to take drugs like lsd, do whatever you want, and maybe in your hippie industry circles it’s cool, no prob, but you cannot talk about it in an encouraging fashion and say “just make sure you have someone with you”

like......?????? it’s not just illegal (because potentially positive things can be illegal, as we all know) but it’s rightly illegal

i mean

By classifying LSD as a Schedule I substance, the Drug Enforcement Administration holds that LSD meets the following three criteria: it is deemed to have a high potential for abuse; it has no legitimate medical use in treatment; and there is a lack of accepted safety for its use under medical supervision. There are no documented deaths from chemical toxicity; most LSD deaths are a result of behavioral toxicity. (x)

also i don’t even like scarlet johansson but could you not be disrespectful to her by saying you got hard while filming don jon

or is that hard for you too

oh and children are not a “project” that two people can come together to create

either you’re cool with monogamy or you’re not (you said you’re not)

-sigh-

you’re such a pretty kitten. so pretty to look at. so here’s an idea: less talking, and more photoshoots/movies/paparazzi pics

k thx joe