#ohgodwhat

Ohgodwhat From Homestuck Vol. 3 By Nick Smalley Propaganda: None submitted

Ugly Betty From Homestuck Vol. 9 By Robert J! Lake Propaganda: "UGLY BETTY RIGHT FUCKING NOW PLEASR. RIGHT NOWWWW. NAWWW"

The designs of the classmates....what they all look like...

Then go back to the amalgamates of the first game....

And who just so happens to be the teacher of the class as well as the head scientist of the first

CLASSMATES AMALGAMATES

Pretty weird title, huh? Believe me, the actual story is even weirder. In this story, I'm in fifth grade. Since my school is split into two buildings, that means that I'm the youngest in the building. This also means that I can't get any major parts in any drama productions, filming things, or large projects outside of class. 

Anyway, the schools drama department was doing a production of the Wizard of Oz, affectionately referred to as "WoO" by anyone who was in the production, and "Oh my fucking god is that ANOTHER SCHEDULE CHANGE" by my parents. Liesel had decided to audition, as well as a bunch of my other friends. Liesel, of course, suggested to me that I join the production. In a moment of apple juice- induced stupidity, I agreed. So, audition and wait. 

They had decided to accept all the auditions into this play. So, I’m in the play, whoot whoot! Since I couldn’t get any major part, I (like the other fifth and sixth graders) get to be a munchkin and a jitterbug. At first, I wished for a bigger role (especially since Liesel, the special snowflake, got to be a bubble girl, aka one of Glinda’s attendants), but after a while, I didn’t mind. Being backstage for so long meant I got to witness the show and do any homework that the constant rehearsals made me miss. 

Speaking of that, the rehearsals were very oddly placed. We would have rehearsals at lunch, but also after school. School would end at 3:30, we would have to be back for rehearsal at approximately 4:00. The problem with that was that we couldn’t stay in the school between dismissal and rehearsal, meaning we had to grab our backpacks, run to the nearby Market Mall, eat, then sprint back. I should also mention that this was in the dead of winter, so little fifth grade Liesel and Stella are sprinting in full snowsuits with backpacks weighing around 30lbs on our backs. I swear, I got more exercise during those few months than I ever did in Gym. AAAAAAAANNNYWAY-

If Liesel and I were feeling productive (which was very rarely), we would use all the time we spent backstage to do our mountains of homework. When we were not feeling productive, however, we would mess around on our laptops. This normally culminated in us watching YouTube on Liesel’s laptop with the assistance of her headphones.

Now, during our bored traversing of YouTube, we came across a lovely show. You may have heard of it- does the name “Barbie: Life In The Dreamhouse” ring a bell? Anyway, since we were mature 10-year-olds, we immediately got hooked on this show. You could find HUNDREDS of good quality episodes on YouTube, so our addiction was supported. And slowly but surely, the older kids started to take note of what was happening.

Now, when I say older kids, I mean high schoolers. These kids actually had important parts in the show, like flying monkeys and guards and important assistants to the Wicked Witch. And as the high school kids took note of what was happening, the high school kids began to join us in our watching. Yes, that’s right. We managed to get high schoolers to watch Barbie shows.

And the thing is, they were ENTHRALLED with this. We got so into the Barbie that we forgot what was going on outside. We weren’t using the headphones anymore, because there were about nine people in total now crowed around a tiny, hand me down laptop watching animated girls in pink dresses spin around and do their makeup. We had the episodes on a low enough volume so that we wouldn’t get yelled at (unless there was a live mic by the laptop- an experience for another story), and we focussed our full attention on it. If we had paid this much attention in class, we would’ve gotten 100% each and every test.

But, here’s the bad part: we were focusing so much attention on the show, we forgot our cues.

Which became a problem.

Outside our little world, what was happening was an important scene where Dorothy and Co. encounter the Wicked Witch of the West, and the guards are needed. But, would you look at that! There’s no one on stage!

The director gestured to the actors to say their lines again. When nothing happened, she stormed backstage. Imagine the reaction when she found us huddled in the far corner of backstage, watching Barbie!

There was much screaming that day, and we always made sure to keep an ear open when we were backstage after that.

Album: Homestuck Vol. 3 Composer: Nick Smalley Leitmotifs: Ohgodwhat Characters: Jade Harley

You may know this from:

[S] Jade: Open FreshJamz!

Dear lord.

Moral of the story: Do not trust Liesel and I around mud.

Camping! Camping is fun, right? This is a school camping trip, not to Waterton this time. We went to this lovely place called Kamp Kiwanis, where the counselors were too attractive for their own good (which ties into another story, but anyway).

So, we were all trekked out into the woods to this pond they have, and were told to make examinations of the wildlife in and around the pond. Liesel had decided to go “screw this” and wear running shoes with no socks. I, on the other hand, had decided to wear some old rainboots that I had. So, you know, walking around, jumping over trees, that stuff, and Liesel and I eventually get split up. That’s okay with me, because I had found a spot I liked on the shore of this tiny pond and was examining it contently. This pond has a ring of mud circling it. At first, little Stella thinks, “Oh, it’s mud! How bad could it be?” Until she steps in said mud and begins to sink immediately. Safe to say, I avoided it.

I’m happily keeping a safe distance away from the quicksand/mud, examining around the pond with my dorky little magnifying glass, when I hear from across the water, “Uh…. Stella?” Lo and behold, as I look up, there stands Liesel yelling at me from the other side of the pond. Upon further examination (read: I fell out of the tree I was sitting in and squinted at her for 10 seconds), it looked like Liesel was stuck past her ankles in this mud. I, being a good friend, heaved a heavy sigh and trekked over there to figure out how to save her.

I had dropped my little black book of notes and gently placed my magnifying glass onto it, before spinning around and striding over to Liesel. This is important because this means I keep my shoulder bag on. Why do that, Stella? It’s my mothers shoulder bag, and I would rather eat glass shards than have any damage come to it. So, shoulder bag still on.

I carefully placed my feet when walking in and grabbed Liesel under the armpits. With much screaming and swearing from her, I began to pull up and back- which was a challenge, because I still haven’t hit my growth spurt at this point (read: Liesel is probably about 3 inches taller than me), and she’s muuuuuccchhhh heavier than me. But still, tiny Stella struggles to try her best because she’s a determined little sucker. 

5 minutes of pulling later, Liesel is magically free! Whoopie, yay! So, she stumbles out like a drunken moose and starts shaking mud out of her shoes. I twist around to try and get out (holding my bag in place during all of this, of course) and find an unfortunate liiiiitttlllle problem.

I’m stuck.

“Well, shit.” Sixth grade Stella thinks. “What do I do now?” My only thought is to shake the mud loose, so I start twisting around and trying to lift my feet up. It turns out, moving around in mud that is mostly water sucks you down more. My attempts to lit my feet up just result in me coming thisclose to losing my boots, so I stop that. Seeing no other option, I heave a huge sigh and attempt to twist my body around to yell for Liesel. However, I neglect to hold my shoulder bag this time. So, spin around with all my force, bag pick up momentum- THUNK! Straight into my stomach. I reel backwards and, since I can’t move my feet, topple like a tree. I have enough common sense to stick out one of my arms to catch myself before I land completely in the mud, and for .5 seconds, life is good. 

Then the shoulder bag follows me down. 

THUNK, even deeper into the mud I go. I’m shocked at first, before I realize “SHIT, the bag is going to go into the mud”. Thus, I use my free hand to grab the bag and hug it close to my chest so there’s no way it can get into the hellish pit of quicksand mud. Liesel is sitting on the sidelines staring at me this entire time.

“Can you help me up?” I finally ask. She shuts her mouth and nods, before getting up. I stop her. “Shoulder bag first.” Although she’s confused, Liesel maneuvers my shoulder bag off of me without getting it in the mud. She then hangs it in a tree a large distance away from the pond.

Liesel walks carefully back into the mud and begins to pull me. I’m up to my shins at this point, so the task is considerably harder for her. Finally, Liesel gives up and yells for a camp counsellor, dropping me back into the mud in the process. 

A counsellor who went by the name of Oak came to help me. He stood there for a second, looking at me and giving a half-laugh, half-heavy sigh before walking over to me. He pulls me up and begins to yank. I’m doubtful (and kind of embarrassed, because at this point I’m all chub and no height and Oak is decently handsome), but I suppose that from sheer force of will, I slowly begin to gain centimetres upwards. 

YANK. 

Up.

YANK. 

Up. 

YANK. 

Up. 

And so, we begin to make progress. I can see the bottoms of my pants after a little. A minute later, I can look down the hole and see my little pink and purple rain boots. I’m excited for a moment. 

Then Oak tugs again, and my feet slip. 

One more tug, they slip more. I clench my toes and wiggle down in Oak’s arms to attempt to keep my boots on my feet. Oak grunts, and shifts me in his arms before yanking again.

I keep trying in vain to keep my boots on my feet, before giving up. With a final yank, Oak hoists me out of the mud, leaving my boots buried. He holds me up for a few seconds, before asking, “Are you out?”

“Well, yeah. But, my boots…” Is my reply. He looks awkwardly over my shoulder and heaves a heavy sigh, before throwing me backwards. I land and trip over my own two feet into a bush, get up, and attempt to look composed, before sitting down on a fallen tree and beginning to clear my neon orange socks.

Meanwhile, Oak is still in the death mud, tugging my boots out. He has to reach down to his elbow to grab a hold of them, and tug with all of his strength. Finally, one bursts up out of the lovely mess of mud with a splatter of dirty water. He chucks it back at me, before repeating the process with the other one. I murmur a "thank you" at him and pick up my messy rubber boots. Oak doesn't pay attention to me as he attempts to move his foot up.

And guess what? 

HE'S stuck as well! 

 Oooohohoho boy, this is just fantastic. I've managed to get my CAMP COUNSELLOR STUCK. But, Oak manages to free himself after a bit of a struggle and a lot of laughter from the other counsellors. Liesel still hasn't let me live this down. 

Tl;dr: Wanted to help a friend, got stuck in some mud, lost my boots, and threw a counsellor into the pond mud of doom. No biggie.