#oftb

Dan was actually quite surprised at the lack of paparazzi the whole way to Phil’s house.

Then again, he remembered it was private property. Well. Thank goodness for that because the wind had sent his hair into a frazzled mess. He had done his best to push it back down and straighten it out, but some things just couldn’t be tamed. There was probably a metaphor in that somewhere.

As he trod up the long pathway to the paper white front door, Dan couldn’t help marveling at Phil’s gorgeous house. Of course, he knew all those number ones and sold out tours must go somewhere, but...damn. This was like the house Dan had always dreamed of as a kid. With its mixture of elaborate touches and country-like simplicity, Dan couldn’t possibly imagine Phil living anywhere else. He pushed the doorbell with a flutter in his heart and immediately heard the loud ding-dong! echoing inside--along with some very insistent barking.

“Dan! It’s so great to see you! Welcome! Oh, and don’t mind Totoro, he’s just a big excited teddy bear.” Phil threw the door wide open, giving Dan a huge hug and a kiss just below his ear that set his skin on fire.

“So this is the famous Toto. Well, I’m honoured to finally get the chance to meet him.” Dan stooped down and ran his hands all over the black labradoodle’s shaggy fur, drawing out a big doggy grin and turning his tail into a mini tornado.

“Dan! If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re more excited to see the dog than me.”

“Oh, don’t you start now. You know how much I’ve been dying to see you since that night. Now stop pouting, you dork.” Dan rolled his eyes at Phil, straightening back up, but there was no denying the smile creeping across his face like an eavesdropping child.

“The Phil Lester charm doesn’t work on you anymore?” Phil widened his eyes in an absolutely irresistible expression. How would Dan ever be able to say no to that face?

“Anymore? Who said it ever did in the first place?” Dan’s heart was racing, just dying for Phil to grab him by the collar and smash their lips together just as he had that glorious night in the dressing room.

“Well. Who knew you were such a challenge, Dan Howell.” Phil’s mouth twitched up, but before Dan could just grab him himself, he added, “Which, by the way, that reminds me--I wanted to talk to you about this acting thing. Like I’ve been saying, if you’re really serious, I can get you what you need.”

Dan blinked rapidly. This wasn’t exactly the kind of greeting he expected. His stomach suddenly turned to ice. “Yeah. Um, about that…”

Phil’s face immediately dropped. “Is there something wrong? Come on, let’s head to the lounge.” He led Dan into a large open room with windows covering all four walls, a giant TV sitting on a pale blue cabinet, and a grey sofa that he promptly sat down on and motioned for Dan to join him. Dan acquiesced, and nearly found himself swallowed up by the couch. Well. He could certainly get used to this. A jingle of tags signaled Totoro’s arrival, and he jumped up on the couch in between the two boys. Dan smiled a bit, even as his entire body seemed to be sent into overdrive.

“Dan.” Phil’s eyes had a fire in them that was new to the brunet and he leaned in close enough for Dan to smell his clean but just slightly musky scent. “That first night, when you told me you were interested in acting, there was a passion in your voice I don’t think I’ve heard in anyone before. And I could see something in your eyes when you were onstage. Sure, you were terrified--and I would have been too, don’t get me wrong--but you were living off that crowd just as much as I was. That’s the mark of a true performer. I may never have seen any of your shows, but I don’t need to. You belong on the stage just like the sun belongs in the sky. So what are you so afraid of? You can tell me, come on, I want to help.” His eyes had softened now, taking on the mesmerising kaleidoscope of colours that Dan had memorized before he had even met Phil.

Dan opened his mouth, but closed it just as suddenly. His heart raced. Phil had hit the nail on the head alright--maybe a little too accurately. But he had to tell him the truth, no matter how much it hurt. “Well, it’s not that I’m afraid exactly. It’s more like I’m realistic. I mean, how many rags-to-riches stories do you really hear? Most movie stars only get their big break because they know somebody, or they have to do some seriously shady shit. Plus, I’m really not that talented. I mean, look at someone like Marlon Brando or Tom Hanks, for crying out loud. I could never measure up to that!” He threw his hands in the air, clapping them back down on his black jeans just as quickly as they had gone up. “No, trust me, it’s better for everyone that I just stay on this path. I mean, being a lawyer isn’t that bad! You get to argue and...stuff.”

“Dan! Listen to yourself.” Phil took Dan’s left hand in both of his own, bringing out a gasp from the discouraged law student. “You can’t just compare yourself to someone like that. They’ve had years and years to perfect their craft. That’s like me saying I’ll never be a good musician because I’m not David Bowie.” Alright, Dan had to smile a bit at that. “What was it that got you into it in the first place? Maybe you can rekindle that fire.” Phil let go of Dan’s hand, but his wide-eyed, expectant gaze remained. Dan still had trouble believing Phil found him so interesting. Maybe he was an actor too and this was all just a game--although if he was, Dan was seriously going to have a run for his money.

“Well, don’t laugh but...I was Santa in my nursery’s Christmas play. And that was pretty much all it took,” Dan shrugged. “My teacher said I had a natural stage presence. I couldn’t get enough, so I begged my parents to let me go to stage school on the weekends. As I got older, it got to be more about the whole camaraderie of the cast and the process of putting a good show together. I mean, getting lead roles and having everyone look up to you is pretty cool, but some of my best times were just running around being an idiot without a care in the world.” Dan sighed, finally moving his eyes from Phil to run them over the room.

It was honestly one of the most beautiful places he had ever seen. The cream walls acted as the perfect simple background for all the modern furniture. Directly in front of the couch they were sitting in stood a glass coffee table topped with a large marble blue bowl and several music magazines emblazoned with Phil’s face--but somehow, it felt more proud than conceited.

A giant TV sat opposite them, surrounded by stereo speakers and just the right height for gaming. Various dog toys were strewn throughout the room, with a bookshelf in the far right corner tying off the whole cosy-but-modern aesthetic. Dan could immediately picture himself living here, plucking off a book and curling up on the couch with Toto while Phil plucked out a tune on one of the acoustic guitars in the next room.

“Okay, I’m not following this. If you had something so good, then how come you threw it all away? Wouldn’t you want to try to keep that as long as possible, maybe even see where it could take you?” Phil’s eyebrows furrowed in the cutest way. Dan couldn’t possibly be mad at him, even if this was a subject he felt they had already driven into the ground. He sighed.

“I told you, Phil. I grew up. I realised I had to actually do something productive with my life, or risk living under a box. I’m not like you. I didn’t have parents who would go to the ends of the earth for my dream. I wasn’t discovered at the ripe young age of sixteen. I’m not special. I’m destined to live the same boring life as everyone else, probably dying alone with almost nothing to show for it.” He spread his arms wide, then let them fall back to his legs with a smack, gazing down and twisting one of the Reading Festival bracelets around and around his wrist.

“Dan.” Phil grabbed the worn bracelet Dan was so focused on so that he had no choice but to look straight into those ocean-like eyes. “I’m telling you, that’s no way to live your life. You can’t just sit back and let the world go by. Nothing’s going to change if you don’t do something. So are you just going to sit here and mope or are you actually going to let me help you?”

Just as suddenly as Phil had grabbed him, Dan pulled away. “I’m not moping about anything. I’m being realistic. I knew you wouldn’t understand.” Toto let out the softest of whines, gazing between the two boys with a question in his deep black eyes.

“Fine. You can be realistic all you like, see where it gets you. You know, I had an agent all lined up for you and everything, but you’re clearly not ready. A shame--you seemed to have so much potential too.” Phil shrugged, his eyes showing only indifference.

Dan, however, just felt like he got punched in the stomach. Phil had an agent lined up for him? He actually believed in Dan that much? “I am ready! Just...give me some time to figure things out. I mean, I can’t exactly drop out of uni right this minute.”

“Dan, that’s not what I’m asking,” Phil sighed, shaking his head. “You can continue with uni if you still want a backup plan. In fact, that’s actually a really good idea. I just thought you might wanna give this a second chance. It never is too late to give up on your dreams, you know. You’re not even 20 yet. J.K. Rowling didn’t even publish the first Harry Potter book until she was 31. You’ve still got loads of time.”

“Sure, if I don’t die before then,” Dan muttered. He ran a hand over Toto’s soft curly fur, hoping it would calm him down somewhat. It didn’t.

“Look. Dan. I told you, I’m not going to argue about this with you. I care about you a lot and I want you to be happy. But if you’re determined to be miserable, then fine. Now, would you like a drink? I’ve got quite the selection.” Phil tilted his head in question, but his fingers curled slightly into a fist, his knuckles white and nails surely digging into his palms.

“You know, I think I should get going. I have a giant paper due tomorrow and it’s better if I start it sooner rather than later. I hope you have a nice day, Phil.”

“Wait! Dan!” But Dan was already off the sofa and heading for the door, Toto hot at his heels. “I’m sorry if I upset you, but I genuinely want to help you as much as I can! Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes. Please stop nagging me about this. I swear, I’ll figure it out eventually. I just really hate when people are on my ass about things. I’ll call you later tonight or tomorrow, alright?” Phil’s wide eyes and slightly opened mouth twisted Dan’s heart more than he’d like to admit, but just as quickly, his mouth hardened into a straight line and his eyes chilled to a steely gaze.

“Fine. If that’s the way you want to play it. Have a nice day, Dan.” Phil held the door open as Dan slipped outside, his chest tight and head down.

Well, there you go. You just fucked up your one chance with the one and only Phil Lester. Are you happy now?

He knew the answer to that. But it didn’t stop the tear from slipping down his cheek. He brushed it away with a scowl. Dan wasn’t going to cry over Phil Lester. No, that rich nag didn’t deserve it. Still, he couldn’t quite shake the tightness from his chest for the remainder of the day. Well, whatever. He’d get over it, just like everything else in his life. Right?

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