#ofah

OF COURSE I DO PASTEL, I'M BRITISH!!!! IT'S PRACTICALLY A REQUIREMENT 😂😂😂

is he a horrible husband, friend, brother, and father??? hell yes.

do i understand why people hate him??? fucking absolutely.

Ever wondered how many of Uncle Albert's war stories could have been true?

. Both Trigger and Rodney experienced developmental delays. Trigger was unable to walk properly until he was four, and could not speak in full sentences until he was around eight. He could not read properly until he was a teenager, and he had to sit on a “special table” with Earl, the only child who struggled more than he did. Rodney, by contrast, learned to read and and count, at least partially, before he even started school. However, it took him longer than the other children to be fully toilet trained, and get the hang of dressing himself, something he was often bullied for.

. Rodney was afraid of Trigger, when he was a child. Not because of anything Trigger had done, just because he was tall and dark eyed and spoke in a deep, flat tone. He was also almost always with Monkey Harris, who Rodney did not like, because he always wore the same clothes and smelled funny.

. Monkey Harris is Pauline Harris’ cousin. They hate each other.

. Monkey Harris’ father was a rag n’ bone man. Monkey did not take on that trade, but ran a lot of small ones from their yard. One of his ventures, which kept the family afloat for some time, was dog meat production. Monkey had contacts who would sell him dead, or lame animals for cheap. Sometimes, even zoo animals. And he would make dog meat out of them in a big vat in the yard, making the whole street smell like gravy. Because he always wore the same coat, he would often go about with bloodstains and dried meat stuck in the sheep skin collar. Monkey, himself, is a vegetarian.

. Marlene is bisexual. She had a little fling with Sybil Fawlty, when they were teenagers (you can pry this from my cold, dead hands). She also harboured a small crush on Raquel for a time.

. I feel like Boycie is possibly bi, as well. I just feel like he found himself looking a Trigger for a shade too long when they were in secondary school, but that’s something he’s taking to his grave.

. Boycie was advised to start keeping fish, as a way to cope with his anger.

. Trigger’s mother, Elsie, had to be taken into psychiatric care, when he was a toddler. It was in hospital that she actually became pregnant with Trigger’s sister. This caused Alice and Arthur to permanently lose faith in the system, hence why Trigger never received help for his psychosis. When Trigger was little, his grandmother actually told him that the voices he heard were the dead, attempting to communicate with him, but told him to to keep it a secret.

. Trigger and Marlene had an affair, a couple of years before she got pregnant with Tyler. It was a time when the pain of potentially never being a mother was really getting to Marlene. Her affair with Trigger was partially a last ditch attempt to get pregnant, and also a search for comfort. Trigger and Marlene actually like each other a good deal, and have always treated each other kindly. They weren’t in love, they were both just lonely and liked being together. It never occurred to Trigger that Marlene might have gotten pregnant by him, in fact he even reassured her that she and Boycie would work something out, after one of their flings. Marlene began to feel guilty for using him, though, and broke things off. After it was announced that Tyler was on the way, Trigger actually asked if the baby could be his, even though he hadn’t been with Marlene for over two years (thinking back to what he was told about his own dad in “Ashes To Ashes”). Marlene lied, saying it couldn’t be his, because she was on the pill whenever she was with him. (Look, they were really cute when they were slow dancing at Rodney and Cassandra’s wedding reception, okay?)

. Cassandra gets hormonal migraines.

. Cassie also “accidentally” spilled a whole bottle of red wine on Steven’s carpet, after she overheard him gossiping about Rodney to his wife at a dinner party.

. Denzil had panic attacks all throughout his life. When his family moved to London, he received a hand-me-down jumper from one of his brothers. Black with a yellow star on the front. He wore it pretty much constantly, as a sort of comfort item.

. Trigger would often walk Nerys, and Karen home, if they didn’t have a lift.

. I have a whole load of headcanons for Trigger and the barmaids of The Nags Head. He had a crush on Julie, but was never involved with her. He was briefly involved with Maureen, it ended amicably. He had a bit of a thing with Joycie, when he was younger. Joycie, herself, had multiple photos published in softcore bdsm publications. One issue featured a picture of her and Trigger, though Trigger’s face was partially obscured by a leather muzzle. The photo was tagged as “Jockey Joycie and Sweeps the Stallion”. There was an occasion where Del Boy came into possession of a back catalogue of vintage jazz mags. He let Rodney take what he wanted to stop him from nagging, and of course, he took the ones with uniformed girls in them. To their horror, they did recognise Trigger’s eyes, staring at them from the pages. They decided to put the book back in the box and never speak of it, again.

. Julie the barmaid wears peach-scented perfume.