#of ashes

Jesus blinks and sends the winds,

His shining eyes share secret things,

How to love and not look back,

How to start to fly,

How to change faith from a cage,

To a place you go to lie,

In comfort and protected peace,

With a child whose light will never cease,

The baby born upon that day,

We've already said that my man is so toxic and insane it's illegal , the way he's absolutely flabbergasted by the mere idea of being forgotten by ash , being an afterthought to her while HE is constantly haunted by her, so obsessed he cannot think of anything else and obviously cannot ever forget her jajansnsnnss yeah we've discussed this

Now, I relistened to the rest of the songs and I'm stunned speechless by his actions. He goes to tattle about ash, then goes to her , gets her to betray Matty and arranges for that poor little meow meow to WATCH, then he's all happy to die and die with her. Did he even sleep at night? This is such a convoluted and masterful plan how the fuck did he come up with it ? Insane. And at the end he's just so happy to die??? You do all this to get your revenge and have ashra never forget you only to get both of yourselves killed right after ?? What??

I love that he wanted to take the easy way out on all this guilt for the shit that he did ( bc that's the other part of it !! He's insane but then he feels bad ! The guilt eats him alive when he hits ashra but then he hits again! He gets one harlot killed and he can't sleep at night so he gets another one killed!! Bro what ??) and Jesus was like "nuh-uh bestie you're gonna have to live with all of this <3 bye bye kisses have a good guilt ridden life I guess :)"

Like he's so complex I want to consume him kamsnsnsbn he's a bitch but he's in love but it's not really love it's obsession and wanting to be worshipped and wanting power over some idolized version of ashra and he's so miserable he just wants to die bc he can't see a way to live with his sins so he goes all out right before dying because nothing matters anymore and soon he'll pay, this is the solution, he'll pay and god will see he was shitty but got himself killed so it's fine he's fine he'll be forgiven he has to, either way he can't live, not anymore he can't he can't kaksmsnsnnsns

Last thing, I absolutely love that in another day passes pt2 EVERYONE is having their worst day ever , Ashra is miserable ,Matthias almost dies and ACRO DANCES HIS LITTLE DANCY DANCE BC HE CAN'T WAIT TO TRICK ASHRA INTO HAVING SEX AND THEN BEING KILLED

he's not normal at all, Jesus I know that you already saved him but can you give him therapy too? Please ??

"wanting to be worshipped and wanting power over some idolized version of ashra and he's so miserable he just wants to die bc he can't see a way to live with his sins so he goes all out right before dying because nothing matters anymore and soon he'll pay"

amazing summary btw

Aarco is a lil bich ✨ But he is suchhhhh a great antagonist/villain, because all of his actions can be tracked back to how he was raised and a chain of events that pushed him deeper and deeper into insanity.

It all started because of his jealousy of Matty and Ashra ("with jealousy inside"), a very human emotion which added on with bad coping bc of his upbringing. He was a teenager who grew up with abusive/violent parents/father ("when we made mistakes we were beaten the same way") which clearly explains how his bad emotional coping comes from. He got attached to Ashra because they were in the same boat in their upbringing ("her dad was a scribe so was mine"), someone to relate to and find comfort in ("youve been my refuge, my fortress to flee to"). Especially considering the gender expectations and upbringings at the time and place it would make sense that he saw her as a sort of "caretaker" for him and also that he kind of had a right to her love and affection ("so ill win and keep you/and if you dont know how to love me ill teach you"). They grew up together, their fathers knew each other, Aarco desired her so an engagement would be the next logical step.

But instead Ashra fell in love with Matthias, hes not fully part of the community. He's a half-jew, his father might be unknown? (I'm sure in the book we'd get more context but i don't have it so idk) But anything thats different = suspicious. Aarco gets jealous, of them and looks for a weakness, its not hard. There seems to be no father that could "protect" Mattias or his mother against rumors and since their integration into their community was already shaky its easy for Aarco to find smth.

Aarco is a teenager, he is not fully aware of the consequences of his actions, when he goes to his father and says that Matty's mother is prostituting herself in secret (which is a bad-bad thing for society, its against their religion and social expectations). Aarco thinks for that accusation Matty's mother and him would be shunned and exiled from their community...not that people would end up picking stones and kill his mother. When they start stoning her, he runs to Matthias for help (again, the notable absence of a father/male adult/protector role). By the time they get there, its too late. Matthias starts lashing out at the people and runs away when Ashra tries to get to him.

Aarco is traumatized. But hey, it worked right? Matthias is out of the picture, he left Ashra behind and now Aarco can get close to her. He is there for her, because Ashra has noone else, even if she still loves Matthias, Aarco is there, Matty isnt. Aarco knows that, and he starts clinging to Ashra because thats the only thing he can do, if he were to let go of her, the murder he was responsible for would have been for nothing. He clings to Ashra, in order to justify and ease his guilt. Everything becomes about her. Everything is for her. He needs her. He wants her. Desire becomes obsession. But its not enough. He still has nightmares, and he needs to numb his emotions. So he turns to anger and sensual pleasures that he wants from Ashra. But she keeps refusing him, distancing herself from him. He (tries to) respect her (her father). They're engaged. He only has to wait until the wedding and then he has all rights to her. But he hit her, over the ring because she didnt say she loved him. He needs her to say it, to know that she's devoted to him the way he is obssessed with her. But he was violent, that what he promised her he wouldnt do (because they do not want to be like their fathers, because she is scared that he will become like him). He knows he did her wrong, he hit her, he threatened her, he said he wouldnt.

He'll try, and if he fails he'll just apologize again, but he needs to give ashra space for now or he'll loose her, because Ash is ignoring and refusing any attempt of him to get physically close to her. Just until the wedding he has to wait.

And then he makes relation with this woman, who gots tired of her husband (who she probably got married to at a fairly young age, lets be honest, while he was probably a lot older) things lead onto each other (they should be around 21 by now age wise if i understood right) and they start an affair. He tells himself, just one more time. Its a way to numb the pain. (Note: Im loosing a bit of track chronolocially but bear with me i hope it still makes sense) Just one more time.........and then Ashra shows up at his door, to apologize. But the woman is still in his bedroom.

She finds out. Aarco apologises, thats all he has to do right? Ashra will be mad at him, but she'll learn to forgive him. But instead of anger, she's relieved. and that hurts him. because its such a clear sign that she doesnt care for him. Hes furious. He has to keep her. Matty has shown up in their life again and Aarcos never been so insecure about Ashras love, the second he showed up, Ashra completly turned away from him. All the hard work lost, just through one hug from Matthias. The man he wanted gone. Everything is for her. She says she will tell her father. She is a woman. He's close to her father. It will be easy to make sure they dont believe her. Because she belongs to him. So even before Ashra can speak with her father, Aarco goes to him and tells him that Ashra saw Matty again and now she's acting up (theyre treating her like a child). Ashra comes in and tell him that Aarco cheated, Aarco has the upper hand, he calls her a liar. Her father believes him of course, hes a man. His word is more relevant. Lying is against their religion. She gets beaten. She'll be fine. She'll be his again

.....only that she runs away, with Matthias. His biggest fear. Not only that, she leaves him a letter telling him that she will forget about him. Dumping him and pushing him into his darkest pit. She betrays her. The woman he promised himself salvation for his sins form. What else is there for him now? She choose the man he killed for to get rid of. Again. And Again, like everytime. So they must pay. He gets pushed to insanity because his whole life resolved around her and she rejected him, not only rejected but said she'd forget about him. Making him feel insignificant. The murder was for not. His soul is already lost to sin. He lied, he (indirecly) killed, he cheated. There is no saving himself. No, but the least he can do is drag Ashra and Matthias down with him.

He can shatter Matthias and forfeit Ashras life with his own, so theyll be together at least in death. All he has to do is wait. So he waits, until he sees them again. Matthias as a begging leper on the streets and Ashra with a child alone, a shadow of who she used to be, a harlot. After all this time, his time is finially come to get his revenege on them. He has a plan. He will invite himeslf to Ashra bedroom, because she has let him in before, the last time that Matthias left her. Now they're grown, she has no choice but to let him in really. He'll promise her to ease her pain. Show her how it couldve been, if she had choosen him instead of Matthias. But he wants Matthias to see, who his wife really is, a traitor, a cheat. So he faints that Matthias needs to get over himself and provide for his family. its his job. She is his wife, he's supposed to be the man in the house. But he ran, so the least he can do is provide with the money he made. While Matthias grabs what he has, frantic from almost dying and the confused by aarco saving him Aarco goes home to Ashra, and convinces her to let her in, he lets her take of Matthias ring. For old times sake, you know. They sleep with each other, he holds her, at least once. He knows how it couldve been. but he lied. It doesnt ease Ashras pain at all. She just feels worse.

It doesnt matter, because there are knocks at the door. What he has waited for. he holds Ashra close, doesnt let her go, even as she tries to run. The men come in. Caught in adultery. A crime to be punished with death through stoning. Aarco will die, good, he will finially pay for his crimes. And Ashra will be with him. Thats why he told them about Ashra before he invited himself to her bedroom. She'd pay, and so would he. Only that Jesus is in town some other official ask him for advice. And he tells them that the one who had never sinned should throw the first stone. Nobody can say that of himself. So they drop their stones and Ashra gets freed, sent home to her child. Thats terrible for Aarco, but at least he'll still be punished....only that Jesus also frees him. He forgives him. He frees him. He tells him he can let go of the burden, of the guilt and shame. He can let go of Ashra and beginn new. The chains that bound Aarco to Ashra - the guilt and obssesion to make it have been worth it - get cut. All of them are now free.

Hehe alrighty let the memes be free

Looked out the window , saw the sunset and thought "it's no sunrise but I bet Matthias and Zyra would love this"

H=OLY HOLY OHOYL thIS is so GPRETY IM OMW TO YOU RIGHT NOW omggggg