Memento Mori
It was possible, Marinette reflected, to live with only half of her soul.
Brutal, sure, devastating. But possible.
She could live. She could get up. She could still get up without his hand to help her to her feet.
She was staggering, stumbling steps that led her forward.
(To a world without him, a world where there was no Chat Noir waiting for her, no laughing cat to lift her spirits. Alone echoed in her soul.)
She didn't know what Gabriel Agreste hoped to gain from the memorial. But she both hated him for it and appreciated it.
There was no grave for her kitty, no body to mourn, no place but the spot where he died to be close to him.
Adrien looked haggard, with dark circles under his eyes and hands shaking slightly.
She landed next to him, and his eyes flickered in her direction before his body turned to her. "Ladybug."
She inclined her head slightly, not willing to risk her voice with speaking. She was going to cry today; nothing would stop it. The grief that had been festering inside her would have a public outlet.
She didn't want to be here. She couldn't stay away, couldn't refuse to honor her partner. She had wanted to be able to experience the statue privately, but grand gestures demanded an audience. The press was all around her.
"The charm." He said slowly, as though he was struggling with the words.
The wristband. Black and green braided ribbon, a bell, a pawprint. "Marinette." She cleared the lump in her throat. "Marinette made them for her class. She-" her voice died, eyes burning.
"I'm sorry." Adrien looked miserable. "Ladybug- I." He twisted the ring on his finger back and forth.
The skin was red around it. It was clearly not the first time.
She felt the hollowness of the smile she offered him and saw the emptiness in the answering smile.
"Ladybug." Mr. Agreste stepped closer, and she watched him, wary. "We are sympathetic towards your loss; all of Paris mourns with you. I hope that this memorial-" He reached for her hand, and she pulled it away.
She didn't want to be touched. Not right now. Not today.
Mr. Agreste dropped the hand, exhaling and glancing at his son.
Adrien refused to look at him, eyes fixed on her feet.
"I hope this memorial eases your pain." Mr. Agreste said.
She jerked her head in a small nod. She was still bleeding; the wound was sluggish. But still it bled.
She hated him for making her do this. She shouldn't hate him. He was the reason the memorial was here.
But she hated him.
She turned away from both of them, shoulders hunched inwards. Félix was leaning against the stage, a bit away from them, his eyes like Adrien's- and yet nothing like them. Félix's gaze was accessing everything and everyone around him, and they only belatedly landed on her.
Her fists twisted at her sides, the sharpness of her breath searing through her lungs.
She wondered how many hits it would take to destroy his smugness. Her anger was more accessible than her grief, feet carrying her to stand above him.
"You shouldn't be here." She hissed. "This never would have happened without you. This is *your* fault."
Félix studied her, lips pursing slightly. "This was not my play."
"You still caused it." She spat. "You as good as killed him yourself."
There was a shift of weight behind her, a foot scuff, an indrawn breath.
And her stupid heart stuttered, her mind playing the cruelest trick. Ladybug and Chat Noir knew each other- a sixth sense.
She was sure he was a step behind her for just a moment, backing her up.
But it was Adrien. Adrien looked so concerned when her face crumpled, her knees shook, and the sob tore through her. She clapped a hand to her mouth to muffle the sound but knew Adrien and Félix heard the pained noise.
Something passed between them too quickly for her to follow.
"I can't." She whispered when Adrien started to reach for her. Her yoyo caught above them, and she lifted from the stage and out of sight.
~*~
Félix had not been consulted about Adrien's outro as Chat Noir - if he had, he probably would have objected strenuously to it.
It was an impulsive decision on the part of Gabriel. Impulsive and wrong, honestly. Now, they had made an enemy of Ladybug.
They could have used Chat Noir to get the earrings.
They could have used Chat Noir to find out who she was. As often as the pair had switched Miraculous, it would have been easy to have Adrien walk away with both of them, make the wish, and put everything back to rights.
But Gabriel had done this - to punish Adrien, maybe. To establish his claim on his son once and for all. Felix didn't know what the man had been thinking, and Gabriel hadn't been able to give him an answer.
Not that Gabriel had even told him what was happening; Felix had just gotten the delightful experience of waking up to a flood of suicidal ideation swamping his mind and a grieving Adrien screaming in the middle of it all.
A part of Adrien hadn't stopped screaming since, even though he outwardly seemed fine. He still wasn't sure if Adrien would bother to wake up one day, willing himself to stop breathing.
Like an animal gnawing off its leg to get out of a trap.
Gabriel's choice had ripped through Adrien like a wrecking ball. Adrien's grief roiled through his mind; he was sure he could hear it even without the Peacock currently under his jacket.
Watching him interact with Ladybug - feeling him interacting, the pulse radiating from them - he wanted to curse.
He had thought Adrien had been bad before.
Adrien was never going to be able to forgive this, and Gabriel was a fool if he thought it would ever be possible for Adrien to let this go.
Ladybug saw him, and he tensed as the hero stalked to him.
Her blame was expected - perhaps even deserved - Adrien's guilt was also expected.
The way he dropped into her shadow was as if he belonged there, and her stance shifted to accept him there until she realized she had done it. It was unexpected.
Adrien's defeat as she swept away from them, the way his body hitched forward, the half step, the slight crouch- as though he had been about to follow her.
He was not transformed; he wouldn't even be wearing the ring if Plagg hadn't threatened to Cataclysm it if Gabriel tried to remove it from Adrien. Whatever instincts the Miraculous gave him should be at their lowest.
Gabriel had put them in a situation. One he doubted his uncle had a clue about the depth of.
His eyes found his uncle across the stage, but Gabriel only had eyes for the line of Adrien's shoulders.
"Adrien."
Adrien's head dropped, shoulders slumping as he curled into himself. "Not now, Felix."
The most alive he had been in the past few months, and now the poisoned grief was back.
Damn.
*~*
His father was standing close behind him, almost invasive. But Adrien had eyes only for Ladybug's form curled up on the rooftop.
It had been the closest he had been to her since...since.
Tears burned at his eyes, and he blinked them away, refusing to look at his father as he turned around.
He didn't want the stupid statue. Whatever his father thought the statue would do, all that it had done was make him angry.
It was a statue to a lie. He wasn't dead.
Dead would be finished, done.
This wasn't alive; he was still breathing, but his life had ended.
"Adrien." His father touched his shoulder.
He pulled away, walking to the edge of the stage.
"It's not even a good statue," Felix muttered.
He snorted because it was better than sobbing. "I hate you."
"Less than anyone else right now." Felix was right, but. Telling him that.
He didn't want....he didn't.
"I don't want to be here." He whispered.
"Ten more minutes?" Felix offered.
His eyes found Ladybug, locking onto her, his entire existence centered on her. She had been so close. The closest he had been in months.
He was hurting her. He was still hurting her, even though he was gone.
The presentation continued without them, and he never took his eyes away from Ladybug.
His Lady.
'I'm sorry. I'm sorry.'
'She can't hear you.' Felix's voice was quiet in his head.
The ceremony was solemn; nobody applauded when the cover was removed from the statue.
Adrien didn't look at it. He just kept his eyes on Ladybug and watched her watch. His heart reached for her.
Because his hands no longer could.
For @wackus-bonkus-maximus who is kindly allowing me to play in her sandbox while I work out my brain block for my own.
