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The Contract

Diavolo: so then, I assume everyone is caught up on the rules of Extream Chessmaster: Sudden Death Edition, yes?

*everyone groans*

Diavolo: I'll take that as a resounding yes! Now then, as for the teams, Lucifer and I will be--

MC: hold it one second, mister! *pulls out a fancy slip of paper*

Diavolo: *clears throat* "And so, in the event that I, Lord Diavolo, current and acting prince of the Devildom, randomly proposes a game or event that threatens the continued health, longevity, and sanity of mortal life, hearby pronounce the human known as MC 100 free "Claim Lucifer" cards for their assured well-being, lack of death, and overall fair chance of competition." Huh. How curious.

Lucifer: how curious indeed.

Barbatos: that does look to be your handwriting, Young Master.

Lucifer: and your signature.

Diavolo: indeed they are. Though I'm not sure if I recall ever writing such a thing *smiles mischievously*

Mammon: oh, well isn't that convenient, then? Show em, MC!

MC: *pulls out tape recorder* *in Diavolo's voice* um, testing, testing. Is this thing working? *laughs* I always wanted to try that! Anyway, this recording acts as further verbal clarification that I, Lord Diavolo, current and active prince of the Devildom, did in fact write and sign the "Claim Lucifer" contract for MC under no threat of violence, lack of mental clarity, or under the influence of any substance. There, is that all? What do you mean there's more?

Diavolo: *pouts* well, that can't be fair.

MC: *fast forwards recording*

Mammon: I still don't know why you need Pridy McPrideface in the first place when ya got me, but fine! I, the GREAT Mammon, current and active Avatar of Greed and one of the seven lords of hell, blah, blah, blah, hearby announce myself as acting witness to the "Claim Lucifer" contract to avoid future denial and dismissal.

Satan: while I, Satan, Avatar of Wrath and one of the seven rulers of hell, act as signatory.

Belphegor: hm? Oh, right, what they said.

Beelzebub: and I'm also here.

Satan: now then, I need you all to sign here...and here...and here...Beel, stop drooling! And...done! There. The contract is now approved.

MC: thanks guys.

Mammon: *spats* yeah, whatever. You both owe me!

Diavolo: was all of this really necessary?

MC: *mumbles* considering how much of a brat you are, yes.

Diavolo: pardon?

MC: nothing!

Belphegor: trust us. The more grief Lucifer goes through the better. And there's no one Lucifer griefs over more than MC.

Satan: indeed. They're like a walking hazard sign. Surely he'll pass out from the stress alone.

MC: hey!

Satan: and so concludes our little meeting. Have fun...Lucifer.

MC: *ends recording*

Beelzebub: oh, yeah I remember that *drools* Those donuts were delicious.

Leviathan: so the Anti-Lucifer Leauge strikes again!

Asmodeus: leave it to Satan and Belphie.

Lucifer: *glares* Pridy McPrideface, was it?

Mammon: eek!

Barbatos: regardless, that is indeed the Young Master's voice.

Lucifer: it would seem so *frowns* Though I don't think I care that the entirety of my free will has been lessened to that of a slip of paper. Or how any of this is legal without my presence!

Mammon: eh, don't worry about it.

Asmodeus: 100 free "Claim Lucifer" slips, hm? There's no telling what one could do with those.

Leviathan: right? Imagine what would happen if they got into the wrong hands? Especially Asmo's?

Asmodeus: hey! I'm the sweetest and fairest capture you could ever have! My 100 step spa routine is to die for!

Leviathan: a 100 step spa routine? Sounds more like torture.

Diavolo: you are aware that I could just revoke all of this, yes? After all, I am a prince.

Lucifer: that would be appreciated, yes.

MC: true, you could. But then I'd never speak to you again. And can you really handle that? Can you?

Diavolo: preposterous.

MC: hm? What was that? I could've sworn I heard someone.

Diavolo: you wouldn't.

MC: ...

Diavolo: ...

MC: ...

Diavolo: ...Darn it! Lucifer, just...go.

Lucifer: *sighs and walks over to MC's side* honestly, I can't believe either of you.

MC: yay! I knew these would come in handy. Ready to win, buddy?

Lucifer: not particularly.

MC: aw, come on. It'll be fun.

Lucifer: hardly *smiles maliciously* Though not as fun as what I plan to do with one of my 100 free "Make MC Do As I Say For A Day" cards.

MC: ...I don't recall agreeing to those.

Lucifer: is that right? *pulls out a fancy slip of paper*

MC: "And so, in the event that I, MC, current and acting representative of the entire human race, use one of my 100 "Claim Lucifer" cards--" Oh, come on!

Belphegor: looks like Lucifer had this planned from the beginning. Typical.

Satan: even when he looses he wins. It's infuriating!

Mammon: hey! Just why the hell is he the only one with those cards, huh? Fork em over!

Leviathan: that's right! No monopolizing over MC. This is a democracy!

Asmodeus: yeah, what Levi said! I think.

Beelzebub: it's ok, MC. We can hang out whenever you want.

Belphegor: you're being way too nice about this, Beel.

MC: aw, thank you, Beel. You know, all of you could learn a thing or two from your younger brother. Frankly, I don't think I care that the entirety of my free will has been lessened to that of a slip of paper. I'm a human being not an item! And isn't that what matters most?

*silence*

Belphegor: ...no offense, Lord Diavolo, but I don't think I'm in the mood to play games anymore. Not that I ever was.

Satan: you're right, Belphie. In fact...Lord Diavolo, how would you like to negotiate a contract? Concerning MC, of course?

Diavolo: concerning MC, you say? Barbatos?

Barbatos: it would seem that your schedule is conveniently clear for today, Young Master.

Lucifer: how fortunate. As is mine.

MC: I don't like where this is going.

Mammon: eh, don't worry about it.

Asmodeus: ooh, ooh! I want 500 MC cards! No, one million!

Mammon: you're not thinking high enough! I want a quadrillion! Times 500 quadrillion!

Solomon, walking in with Luke and Simeon: hello everyone, sorry we're late, we--

Mammon: yeah, yeah, can't talk bye!