#oblivious james

James: Woah there, Moony. You got something on your face.

Remus: Really? *checks his face and sees the stains. Blushes*

James: Finally got yourself a girlfriend. Who is she?

Peter: *reading beside him* James, don't. . .

Remus: Nobody. Anyways, I'm going up to our room to, uh, do homework. Bye.

Sirius: *comes in the room with lipstick smudged on his lips*

James: Hey Pads! You have lipstick on your face. What a coincidence. Moony just came in here with lipstick on his face.

Peter: James...

Sirius: Mmh, what a coincidence. Anyway, I've gotta help Moony with his. . . homework. Don't come in for a few hours.

Sirius: *Walks to their dorm and closes the door*

James: *turns to Peter* I wonder who they're dating.

James: of course.

Sirius: there's something Moony and I want to say...

James: is everything okay?

Sirius: yeah! Uhm... It's just... (holds Remus's hand)

James: (waiting for him to keep going) what is it?

Sirius: (gives him a look)

James: what?

Sirius: (looks at Remus annoyed and desperate)

Remus: (signs saying for him to talk)

James: (extremely confused) are you sure you're okay?

Sirius: we... we're dating.

James: that's amazing! Who are you dating?

Remus: (sighs) James. (holds up his hand intertwined with Sirius's)

James: oh. (pause) Oh! (realisation) wait! You... (points at Pads) And you (points at Moony)? Together (joins his fingers)?

Remus: yes, Potter.

James: oh. Okay. Cool. Uh... I was not expecting that but- Wait! Sirius, you're gay?? I expected it from Remus but- (turns to him) no offence- not that being gay is a bad thing! I'm cool with it!

Remus: it's fine, James.

Sirius: I'm bisexual.

James: which means...?

Sirius: I like both girls and boys.

James: that's good. More fish in the sea. (nods) Are you going to tell anyone else?

Sirius: oh, Marlene and Lily know.

James: (offended) you told Evans before me?!

Sirius: no no no! It was Remus! I only told Marlene and it was because she's also (hand motion) you know?

James: she's gay?! Wait! Is Lily a lesbian?? Remus?!

Remus: naw, don't worry. She's into blokes. She just doesnae like ye for different reasons.

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: M/M

Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Relationship: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

Characters: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter

Additional Tags: Mentioned Lily Evans Potter, Mentioned Peter Pettigrew, Dom/sub, Dom Remus Lupin, Sub Sirius Black, Sadomasochism, Bruises, Accidental Voyeurism, I believe this is called a 'crackfic'?

Language: English

Summary:

“James, I begged him to do it, seriously. Remus didn’t hurt me—”

James shook his head, refusing to look away from the bruise. “You don’t have to be scared of him, Pads. Pete and I are going to—”

“James, stop,” Sirius said more forcefully, his voice rising. “You’re not listening."

Sirius, entering with an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too. 

Sirius *shocked and frowning*:

Lily *shocked*:

Frank *shocked*:

Peter *smiling*:

Alice *shocked*:

James *jaw low down*:

Remus: wait James why are you surprised.

My @jilychallenge December Christmas Day submission:

Wet, cold & bothered

Recently edited slightly.

Sirius: Well then call me Remus

Regulus meets his gaze, steadily. “I hope not.”

For a moment, James falters. Remus lets out a laugh and Peter hides his face in his hands. He realises he’s missed something, although he’s not sure what.