May 25
Made good progress on next oadn chapter so look forward to that soon I guess . It’s a weird one
Loading...
seen from T1
seen from Yemen
seen from Greece
seen from Malaysia
seen from South Korea
seen from T1
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Brazil
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from Egypt
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Canada
seen from Jersey
seen from Kyrgyzstan
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
Made good progress on next oadn chapter so look forward to that soon I guess . It’s a weird one
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Even when I’m writing parent/child abuse the cocsa still seeps in !!
Reread some of oneironautics ad nauseam a while back and macaque basically said smth like “I was probably strong enough back then to have stopped her if I’d known I was able to. And I’d have known i was able to if I’d resisted even a bit, but I was scared and felt small so I didn’t and now I’ll be small and weak forever.”
And like that’s a sentiment born for him of literally being something of an equal in strength to sun wukong. he very much could have killed her from the start. Which is an interesting idea and which actually follows my experience with cocsa more than maybe a parent child situation. Because a grown adult is like… i probably couldn’t stop them. But this was someone maybe a few years older than me like they might have been stronger but not strong or big enough to completely incapacitate me or anything. BUT I JUST GO ALONG WITH WHAT PEOPLE WANT BECAUSE IM SCAREDDDD. AND BECAUSE ONE “NO” AND POUTING AND KEEPING REFUSING WASNT ENOUGH so I just did it to get it over with. And then i didn’t even do that right ughhh
And it’s that sense of like. We were way more equal than i thought. They probably couldn’t have forced me and probably wouldn’t have physically forced me if I’d just stood solidly in my refusal !!
Aaugghdhdhhsjhhhgxggshshakjdjfk and I’m always doing it in retrospect I always realize it wouldn’t have been the end of the world to stand up for myself but I never ever feel like that in the moment and it’s scary cuz it means I can’t differentiate a good time to disagree from a genuinely dangerous person to be around.
Everyone explode now. I got molested and it was my fault yeah yeah whatever wrap it up we’ve all heard this one before :p
im not doing enough with the fact that one of macaque's alters is the evil version of his ?crush? that he made up in his head. the you i made up in my head to be mean to me? the you I made up to justify being mad at you? well guess what. he is real and he's here and he hates me and he hates you and his only role is to take over when things get too difficult and start shit. awesome.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
tryna decide on if i should work on the next chatper of my fanfic or write a character study for one of my interpretations of six ears in JTTW
Dunno how you feel about shadowpeach or if you've maybe read this one before but!! This is one I really like
https://archiveofourown.org/works/40333911
"dunno how you feel about shadowpeach" well SOMEONE clearly hasn't been reading my fanfiction >:/
annyway i read this. really fuckin good thank u !!!! really good dialog and dynamics aaaa really cute. i like how self destructive macaque is <3
This is very funny to read cuz like I forgot I wrote this. But I also forgot I’m definitely crazy depressed. This is my basis for self improvement btw, it’s not even that I don’t wanna suffer (I don’t but I’m more or less used to it) or that I’m hopeful (I’m not really but I know that acting like I am is the best way to get good shit)
it’s genuinely just that the suffering and repetitive bad habits are really really fucking boring and I’m too antsy to want to remain unchanged. I’d probably be a worse person if staying the same wasn’t insanely boring to me.
Anyway that’s not really what this passage is about but it’s funny seeing that sentiment in my art when I thought I’d never really expressed it there before