#nymous

nnothing lasts

forever at all

I dunno, I have this body that I only somewhat understand. It provides a plethora of restraints and capabilities that are to varying degrees malleable or fixed. I have a bunch of preferences that my body spectacularly fails to meet, others that it matches very nicely, and others again that require a substantial amount of work to coax my body towards or away from.

I now enjoy accessorising my corporeal form. Externally supplied estrogen has been a boon for the last several years. I frequent op-shops and second-hand vintage stores! I shall have to learn to sew so that I can further this pursuit. People think I'm cute and that's new and I'm still adjusting to it.

Some stuff just tastes phenomenal. I get to eat aniseed humbugs and carrot cake and the beans recipe that has been making its rounds on tumblr (for which I must thank toasthaste and nohoperadio) and also the butternut pumpkin soup that najia-cooks posted a couple years ago.

Sometimes I lie down and try to move each muscle the smallest possible amount, just paying attention to the sensations. It is quite fun. It is easy to forget how much control I possess over this vessel. A hands-free orgasm is very much possible. Though, if I am feeling malignant, I can focus on the many little pains of my body until they hurt much worse, which is an option that perhaps I could do without.

I often don't realise I'm cold until my fingers are numb. It'd be nice to have a little more warning. Also I can't see very well and that's still getting worse over time. Not ideal. I like looking at people's faces! Plus there's the tiredness, I guess, but mostly I am very well accommodated. Oh, and the mysterious sometimes nausea. The other day, due to the corporeal form's spontaneous nausea, I was, to my great dismay, able to eat only four of the eight takoyaki balls that I had ordered. There are also the times where my arms and legs are seemingly paralysed, but that hasn't happened for nearly a year! So, yay.

I am working on my ankles so that deep squats are more comfortable to maintain so that I can sit on grass while in skirts. This may also help with the chronic pain that I've always had in my feet because the soreness I get after doing tibialis raises is similar to the pain that I've had all these years. How curious! I am also working on my back so that I can more comfortably do those half-lying-down-half-sitting-somewhat-sideways hugs. It will also mean that I can lie in bed for longer, in more and odder positions, without hurting. Excellent! My wrists are receiving a similar treatment. It is project wrist. I like the notion that I can exercise specifically to make my laziness more comfortable.

And whenever I hold hands with someone in the winter-times, they remark that my hands are positively frigid. I'm trying to make myself puffed more often, out of breath, so that my cardiovascular system gets a little better, so that blood reaches my extremities more efficiently, all so that next winter, my hands are not so cold. I want to hold hands warmly! I must!

The Spinz like too ... Those rich people really live in a different reality , they doesn't care about " material stuff" but will always try to find way to make more money that won't ever able to spend in this life time.

And unfortunately it often happens that Lewis come off as shallow trying to sound deep . Like when he said he sold his car collection because he wanted to buy art now. 1) you got the money and space to keep both if you want . 2) Just really dismissive of the work engineers and designers do when realising those limited models .

If he really cares about art I hope he dissuades Kim to ruin other old dress at MET

yeah ofc he's there hahahah

What provocative brevitations! From this ask game.

1. what are three things you'd say shaped who you are

Substantial influences include: a) chronic pain and injuries during childhood, subsequent limitations, b) bore witness to many a shouting match, hence conflict aversion and so much wanting people to be nice to each other, please do be nice to each other, c) the friends who I adore, and the some I am averse to, for forever contributing to a moral, or at minimum interpersonal, compass of values, and, secretly, so secretly, d) in which I've never had to do very much ever at all. But I'm still being shaped! ^-^

5. what made you start your blog

I like words. Fascinating, eloquent people exist on here. For too long, I had been a passive entity of the internet. This has been me trying to somewhat participate in an online. Somewhat! :<

15. what do you think of when you hear the word “home”

Yes, the organs are often stored at home. But! I do not much use the concept of home, I think? Much more important to my sense of belonging are certain... actual belongings, such as laptop, or access to a kitchen, or proximity to dear friends. Home is any place I'm staying at with relative consistency, and which is in sufficient proximity to these other things. Happy to be somewhat displaced so long as these important aspects stay the same. Haven't lived in the same place for more than a year since 2020. My walls are completely bare.

39. youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why

I cannot, without malapropism, say that I have been obsessed with a youtuber. Have three songs instead: