NYEPI reflections:

How fitting that I arrive back in Bali on this day of Silence...it seems Silence is what I need now more than ever...

I have been on the road for quite some time. I have yet to really feel at home anywhere since I left New York City in 2012. New York was the last sense of community and home that I had, up until recently. From there I moved back to my place of birth Washington DC for a bit, then to Los Angeles, where I came into my first contact with Yoga, and most recently, Portland...but none of these places, though each served their purpose and brought something very special to me, ever really clicked in that way. You know that click when you no longer need to think about it and you just know deep inside of you that it's right. I realized I need diversity, action, mindful living and above all, connection. Connection to nature, connection to others...connection to myself. There was one place however, that kept me coming back, time and time again...it seemed no matter what, I would somehow always end up back there, and this place...was Bali.

Finally I have taken the leap that I have wanted to take for quite some time and have decided to just stay here...for awhile, and work on the projects that I have already begun. I'm reluctant to use the word "move" because to me that feels permanent. And if there's one thing I've learned on this journey it's that absolutely nothing is permanent. Whatever we think we own, is a total illusion. So I will just say that I plan to be based in Bali until the wind carries me elsewhere...if it does happen again...

There is such a feeling of familiarity being here, as though I've been here my entire life. I feel ground beneath my feet. But another great lesson I have learned is the importance of finding that sense of ground and home within yourself. Our outer worlds will continue to change, but if we can keep the inner world stable and pure, then nothing can ever really shake or break us.

I am also finally, for the first time in perhaps my entire life, relishing in my own company. To quote the wonderful and beautiful poet Nayyirah Waheed, "I have always been the woman of my dreams" ... something I have come to find out more to be true, the more I truly get to know myself...

Getting to know ourselves is such a funny thing, isn't it? How some days we can look in the mirror and barely recognize the person staring back at us and others be so infatuated. It's just like any other relationship, the relationship we have with ourselves. It takes patience, understanding, kindness and so much love. It is true that the relationship we have with ourselves is a direct reflection of the relationship we have with others...

If I could describe these past few years of seeking in my life in one word it would be: curiosity. It's this curiousity for something deeper and more meaningful that keeps me constantly moving...

Today I am just filled with so much gratitude, love and joy in my heart. I know that as long as I continue to trust and surrender, and to listen to my hearts calling...I will find what it is, that I am truly searching for.