Furret Bring Furret back you cowards

[[Meowstic just for attention/I have a huge connection to Meowstic]]

Ever since I started playing Pokémon as a child, I could only ever use boy Pokémon (or genderless Pokémon). I could never really use girl Pokémon, and if I tried, I’d feel a bunch of discomfort.

Pokémon Red, Blue/Green, and Yellow were nice games. Minus the Nidoran line, Pokémon were not gendered. Every game after that had genders, probably because of the breeding mechanic introduced.

Anyways, I could never bring myself to use girl Pokémon. I’d try to make myself, especially because there’s a lot of Pokémon with amazing designs that are exclusively girls, but I’d get that same uncomfortable feeling.

For me, I believe the feeling comes from how I project myself onto Pokémon. Pokémon has been my world since I was very little, and it’s still my world now. I feel like every single Pokémon that I catch/use in battle has a fragment of myself within them. I know that sounds cheesy. Like.. uuuuh. Sorta how people often project tiny bits of themselves into their favorite characters, or their ocs. It’s the same sort of thing for me, but it also extends to Pokémon.

Ever since I was a young child, I’ve been silently fighting myself about my gender. I’m a boy, which is something I finally accepted (and I’m glad I finally did), but for years I could never accept it.

When I was little, I didn’t understand the concept of gender. I thought of myself as a boy, I’d always Imagine myself as a boy, and when we played pretend, I was always a boy (and a Pikachu, but a boy Pikachu 👌). But the adults (and some of the other kids) would always tell me/treat me like a girl.

My family would force girl things down my throat, a lot of my friends would give me things like Barbies for my birthday, I was forced into dresses and skirts, and idk.. I felt this discomfort deep down, but stopped voicing it when I was told this was how it was supposed to be.

And oh boy when I discovered that I was going to grow boobs when I was older, I would try to remind myself that I had to sleep with my hands cupped over my chest every night. Because maybe if I did that, they wouldn’t grow. Spoiler: they still grew, but then again I move a lot in myself and would wake up with my hands against my side, or wrapped around my head.

But anyways , Pokémon. My cousin was heavily into it, and introduced me to it in preschool. I instantly fell in love with it and it became my world. My family was pretty supportive about my new obsession, and soon my world (and room that I shared with my grandma) became covered in Pokémon.

Games on the playground would turn Pokémon related. We’d all pretend to be Pokémon or trainers, and would sneak our toys to school.. it was the best.

But then some of my friends started doing boys vs girls, or only let the boys play with them. And all of a sudden, I was one of the girls; I hated it. Sometimes I’d ask to be on the boy’s team, and while my best friend at the time was super supportive, the leader of the boys was not.

I somehow convinced my family to get me this jacket from the boy’s section at Target (and that became my favorite jacket). I’d wear it to school and hide all my hair up in the hood, and for a while they’d let me on the boys team. But then the leader was like “wait you’re a girl”, so. :/

Anyways this sort of game wasn’t something that always happened, but it was all stuff like this that would (at the time, years before I actually accepted myself) remind myself that I was apparently a “girl”.

My friends started getting the Pokémon games, and eventually for my birthday I got my own. I was given both Yellow and Gold at the same time. I mostly stuck with Yellow (because PIKACHU FOLLOWED MEEEEE), but I’d play gold as well. I noticed these little signs in front of my Pokémon, and asked my mom about it. She told me.

And once I came to an understanding of what these signs were, all of my Pokémon in Gold were boys. And that was that, it sometimes took a bit longer for me to get the Pokémon I wanted. But that was okay.

When I eventually got Ruby, that’s when I started first feeling the discomfort with girl Pokémon. Up until that point, I didn’t ever play the game with others. Just by myself, I’d go on my Pokémon adventures alone. I was in a program called 626 (or 6 to 6). Basically I’d get dropped off at a school daycare before school, and then I’d go there after school. I started bringing my Pokémon game to it and made a bunch of friends. We’d battle, trade, all the fun stuff. I loved it.

Eventually my friends at that time started asking me why all of my Pokémon were boys, or why I was always a boy when we played Pokémon on the playground. It was uncomfortable, but for that period, I tried forcing girl Pokémon onto myself, or my friends would just trade me a Pokémon that just so happened to be a girl.. and it was uncomfortable. I’d always end up boxing it, and yeah.

And that questioning continued for years, and even now people still ask me why I only use boy Pokémon.

And now that I finally accepted myself, I can say why.

It’s because a part of me was in each Pokémon I caught, and I was not and never was a girl. So whenever I’d have this girl Pokémon there, it just felt wrong. It wasn’t me, and it would never be me.

😰💦

Clap your hands if you wish you were furret

HEYA! So during Christmas Day, I’ll be participating in the Surprise Trade Christmas thingy! OUO

I’ll be trading Galarian Ponytas named Watapachi (in a loveball) and Sinisteas named Chai (in a dreamball)!

The ivs are kinda mixed, they’re all breedjects, but most of them have a few good ivs! Ponytas have jolly nature, Sinisteas have modest!

My OT is “Asahi” and trainer ID is “371314”! :0 If you get one of my Pokémon, lemme know!

Happy holidays!!! 💕

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