#nvsp

Citizens, this year is hitting different. I’m sure you’ve all noticed the heightened restrictions on going out, wearing masks, and offering sacrifices within your bloonstone circles. We cannot stop. Numbers across the country are rising, even here in our small town. If you or someone you know has this scary disease, please quarantine. Masks are required anytime you leave your home (well, they’ve been required for a few years now, but NOW we’re actually going to enforce the rule!) And make sure it’s a good mask, no bandanas or one of those sport runner things. They don’t work! Keep yourself safe by keeping others safe.

On another note, Halloween. Yesterday, we passed around air guns to every house. Kids are going to stand at the end of the walk and scream greetings to you like, “Give me my candy!” and “Raisins are bad, give me chocolate!” and hold open their bags. Please shoot the candy into the bags. Let’s maintain a good social distance from one another.

Any leftover candy can be donated to your Sheriff’s Secret Police Officer at the end of the night. Just leave it in a nice bowl outside your door, turn on your flashing green light, and we’ll collect your donation. You’ll be good until the winter holiday season. If you don’t have enough candy, please come down to the station tomorrow with a valid reason why you aren’t contributing.

The Annual Halloween gathering is rescheduled until at least 2022. We’ve looked at the depressing numbers and unless everyone starts being real good about a lot of things, we don’t want to be near any of you until then!

that there wasn’t such a thing as a secret.

Not really.

Or that maybe the entire world was a secret, 

and we are all in on it.

We know that in Night Vale it’s hard for citizens to self-isolate and practice social distancing because of the Faceless Old Woman who secretly lives in all of our homes, but that doesn’t stop any of us from drawing or taping a line down the center of our houses and living only in one half. 

We’ve left notes and spoken out loud to the Faceless Old Woman, letting her know that she can’t be bringing the disease from house to house. She whispered into our ear late at night during our REM cycle that she can’t get sick and thus can’t transmit any disease. We told her using alphabet noodles that it was the principle of the thing. She ignored us and wrote rude words with the noodles.

Well, try and isolate yourselves from her anyway.

See that camera there? That’s us.

See that stoplight in the distance? No, not that one. The one on the left. The long one with 5 light holes. That’s the overlord making sure you don’t obey traffic laws.