#nurseconscience

Like clockwork every time she's having a bad day or had a rough shift at work, he was there at her place with greasy take out and some beer. Today was no different, except this time he had a rough shift at work. He lost a kid who got into some kind of accident and Jack was unable to bring him back. Jack didn't cry not at work or where anyone could see him at least. He cried in the bathroom before going back to work after cleaning his face.

He is standing outside of Nic's place, pizza in one hand and case of beer in his backpack. He looks up from his phone when he hears her voice. "Hey, stranger." He greets, playfully, moving to walk over to her. "Brought pizza and beer."

Conrad Hawkins was many things. A man of his word, a person who respected and listened to all of his patients, and he was selfless. brave. At this moment in time, he was stupid.

The senior resident had gone down to the basement for something seemingly harmless, to find a child who had wandered off. Glancing around at all the heavy machinery and dangerous equipment, he kept his vision sharp. There were plenty of places a small child could hide. When he had finished catching up with Annie, someone he’d missed dearly and never got to see enough, everything seemed to go in slow motion. The smell of gas had assaulted his nostrils, and he barely had time to try and grab a hold of his older friend with a cry of warning before all hell broke loose.

Explosions seemed to sound all around them, and if it had been a few years ago, he would have lost control, been back in Afghanistan amongst the terror and chaos, watching his brothers die in seconds from an IED, or a surprise attack, he was always the first on the scene, hands covered in blood and forehead dripping with sweat, saving lives. But he was better now, damaged nonetheless, but he had a job to do. He was Conrad Hawkins. The best damn doctor in the hospital. He had to get a grip.

He tried to take deep breaths as he pulled himself weakly to his feet, heart pounding in his chest as he began helping Annie up while still searching for the boy. Once he had gotten her to the door, he tried not to show the terror on his face when he realized it was stuck shut. Another voice was there, panicked and begging, fists pounding on the door and calling for him. It was warmth and it was love. It was Nic.

He had pleaded with her to go, to leave. He could afford to lose many things in this life, her not being one of them.

“Nic, This whole place is gonna go up!” he shouted. “You have to get everyone out! I cant stop the fires down here! you have to go! Get someone to break down the door!” Devin was there too, and Conrad prayed for his safe exit as well. The young resident was a pain in his ass sometimes, but he would fight for him. He would fight for all of them.

When he was sure Nic had gone from the door to get help, he had begun his descent back down. A monstrous explosion sounded behind him, and he cried out as he was flung down the stairs, slamming into the wall, and beginning to see stars. In his swirling vision, he caught sight of the culprit. A smaller gas line had ignited, blowing massive chunks of concrete and wall everywhere, completely blocking the door, and the path to it. If it would have been harder to get out before, now it was impossible. It would take hours to dig through, and they had minutes, at most. 

It took him a long time to hear properly, a little longer to open his eyes, and even longer to finally stumble to his feet. He wheezed when he tried to take a deep breath and was met with only toxic smoke. Annie groaned in pain from her place at the lower landing, and the boy began to cower and cry. 

Conrad felt the same, but let out a long sigh before tearing off his scrub shirt, leaving just his long sleeve underneath. He tore it in half, fashioning makeshift face coverings before trying to tie them to the scared faces before him.

@nurseconscience

Conrad hadn’t moved. Time had gone on. Shifts had changed - two or three. But Conrad hadn’t moved. He couldn’t. He couldn’t talk to anyone. He couldn’t look at anyone - not even himself. He was angry, full of disgust, and aching with anguish.  Someone as sweet and pure  as Lily should not have died. He promised to save her. He failed. 

Silent tears trained down his face. Hours ago his features contorted in a tortured grimace and had seemingly frozen that way. Maybe his mother was right - that faces could freeze in certain positions (she’d warned him countless times). Conrad didn’t care. He couldn’t care. He wasn’t sure he’d care ever again. 

Lily’s death struck a raw nerve. She was his favorite patient; she was everyone’s favorite patient here at the hospital. Her death brought back raw, repressed memories of being a medical officer deployed in the Middle East flashed. One death after another filled his brain. 

@nurseconscience

this is probably the most obvious thing that anyone could have said to him. the name dana didn't even need to be included. at any point in his shift, someone is looking for robby. well, if he's lucky it's only one person. the words take a second to be fully processed, because he was actually on his way somewhere else, like always.

@nurseconscience asked: ❛  don’t overthink it.  ❜

the scalpel in whitaker's hand hovers over the patient -- the slight hesitation clearly evident to the nurse across from him. blue eyes look up to catch doctor robby giving him a small nod to continue before he glances at nurse nic. she'd see the brief smile of thanks from her encouragement on his face if it weren't for the mask covering his face. so instead, he nods and refocuses, placing the scalpel against flesh and cutting along the body.

@nurseconscience asked: ❛  you’re kidding me.  ❜

"   i   thought--   it   was   ALL   the   machine   had   left   in   my   size.   "   whitaker   looks   down   at   his   scrubs,   already   knowing   what   he's   going   to   see.   he   knew   the   blue   was   going   to   be   noticeable   but   what   other   choice   did   he   have?   they   were   all   out   of   his   size   in   the   black   scrubs   the   doctors   were   required   to   wear   in   the   emergency   department.   "   i   figured   it   was   better   for   me   to   be   back   on   the   floor   than   waiting   for   clean   ones   to   show   up.   "   he   adds   sheepishly,   not   wanting   to   step   on   anyone's   toes   on   his   first   day.

⊹ · ⸻ paging elyse : answered meme for @nurseconscience [ nic nevin ]  “ how long have you been sick for? and don't lie. ”

❛ i don't know, a few days? ❜ she answered nic's question. the past few days consisted of her sleeping for eighty percent of it. the body aches were the main reason. she was able to binge two seasons of one of her favorite shows. something that she was never able to do due to her two jobs, being a mother and nurse. she figured since she felt better today, she would have no problem working. she took a covid test and it was negative. she figured she was good. oh how wrong she was.

he turned over, realizing that he was on a bed. specifically one that he didn't recognize. he groaned, looking around him. he was in a hospital bed. when he moved both hands to rub his eyes he realized he had an IV. now he was really scared. was he in a car accident? no. the last thing he remembered he was on stage rehearsing. he hears a door opening and looks up. it was a nurse. ❛  where am i?  ❜ he asked. and was he okay? but he will wait for that one.