Lecture on the Glorious Evolution of Laconism, Numeracy, and the Triumph of Misknowledge
Greetings, post-humans and other entities who have learned the art of breathing without lungs,
Today, I will illuminate you on the arcane wisdom of our ancestors—those quaint Homo sapiens who, in their infinite simplicity, believed more was better, and accuracy a quaint relic of precision. Yet, as we know from our superior vantage point, they misunderstood the grand potential of evolutionary efficiency.
First, laconism. Our ancestors, for reasons still baffling to the finest neuro-quantologists, felt compelled to use words. Many of them. Why say, “water wet” when you can say, “In the observation of H2O in its liquid state, one might reasonably conclude it to exhibit the characteristic of viscosity commonly referred to as ‘wetness.’”? But we—the enlightened—evolved. Why? Efficiency. Why waste a hundred words when two will do? You know the old saying: "Time is virtual currency." In today’s hyper-reductive society, every syllable is a luxury. The superior human utters no more than ten words a day. Progress indeed.
Next, numeracy. How quaint it was when humans concerned themselves with numbers, that whimsical relic of the early civilizations. They believed in something called "exactness," even invented strange devices like calculators. But did numbers make them happier? Smarter? No! As we perfected our understanding of the universe, we discovered that approximations are all you need. Why do we need the square root of 2 when "around 1.5" will do? With each new discovery, they became more precise, and with every decimal point they added, their purpose in life diminished. Now, we bask in the glow of vague estimations, where our answers to life's questions always circle back to "Eh, close enough."
Finally, the triumph of misknowledge. There was once a primitive fear of being wrong. "Truth," they said, was noble. But now we know better. Misknew, our evolutionary leap into purposeful misinformation, was the pinnacle of human development. In a world overflowing with information, what’s more valuable than willfully knowing less? Ignorance, my friends, is the most abundant renewable resource, and we have mastered it. When someone today asks, "What is 2 plus 2?" the correct response is, "What would you like it to be?" A society free from the shackles of objective reality is a liberated one indeed.
In conclusion, we owe our ancestors a small note of thanks for their primitive notions of verbosity, accuracy, and truth. But today, we are the refined product of evolution. We speak less, calculate worse, and bask in the glory of purposeful ignorance—and, my dear audience, we are the better for it.
